<p>Gosh people have gotten snarky this morning. Is there something in the coffee?? Sometimes getting an independent opinion from people who are totally impartial can helpful. Bouncing thoughts/ideas out there for general feedback can help generate ideas one hadn’t thought of, especially from people who aren’t too close to the situation. I see the parents cafe as a sort of adult “myspace” or blog, and don’t think that it is unprofessional to pick the brains of others-- especially with the efforts to be discreet wrt any identifying info. Why is everyone all of a sudden being so mean? Lighten up people.</p>
<p>good one, sokkermom!</p>
<p>LTS~</p>
<p>I <em>know</em> this was a rather perplexing situation for you and your colleagues and that your decision was/is a very difficult one for you. As usual, you have used your extraordinary logical and analytical skills to come to a decision that seems most prudent. I congratulate you on your ability to consider many factors and make a determination based upon the cohesive whole. My general rule is to try to always act in accordance with my best judgment. That way, I’m not left with regrets should something unfortunate (and sometimes unexpected) occur. {{{{{hugs, sweetie}}}}} I know this was not easy for you.</p>
<p>Suze~</p>
<p>Though your post is now gone, those of us who saw it are left with an extremely bitter aftertaste.</p>
<p>There is a vast and distinct difference between “assertive” and “abrasive.” You–and some others here–would do well to learn the difference. </p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>LOL I never formed the intention to cause any controversy, just truly wanted to gain the value of broad points of view. I will take Curmudgeon’s advice though, and write one final post and then let this die. </p>
<p>As example, CGM and I probably are as far apart as any two people can be in our political beliefs. I also suspect she is as polarized in her viewpoints as I am in mine. However, I read everything she writes, with great interest and appreciation. I find incredible - priceless actually - value in opposing points of view, and find that I learn a great deal from them. In just one recent example, I had NO idea that the human rights situation in Dubai was so terrible. But CGM posted the links that she did, and so now I know something that changes my perspective just a bit (although my position on Dubai’s business environment remains unchanged). If I wanted to correspond and engage with people who agree with me, who will write back posts telling me I’m wonderful and brilliant and 100% correct, I would simply find some forum fully stocked with uber-conservative republicans - I’m sure there must be a bunch of them out there. </p>
<p>Specific to this issue, it has caused us enormous heartache and grief. To a person, we have always liked, respected, admired and honored this ceo, and we have always considered him a highly valued friend. We came to our decision last night with great, great sadness, and liking ourselves less for it, not more. But we had to default to business interests, and, since that is our priority, that is our decision. We do feel horrible about it, and some of us especially feel that we are missing an opportunity to help a fellow human being. At the end of the day, in spite of all the grief she has caused us, and has the potential to cause in the future, she is a human being, and about to become someone’s mother. This hasn’t been easy or pleasant or fun in any way, and a number of us have spent some portion of the last 48 hours in tears. </p>
<p>Alwaysamom, I do not have any problem with anything I have posted here, and I regret none of it. It wouldn’t bother me to see it on the front page of the New York Times. I am a very open, blunt person (sometimes to my own detriment). I included only minor examples of our experiences; I left out the more serious issues that we’ve faced as a result of this situation, mostly because gossiping about people who are not present to offer their side of the story strikes me as just horrible, and it serves no purpose to be overly critical and gossipy when just a few minor examples can make my point. In any case, I have absolutely no problem with anything I’ve ever written, in this or any other post. </p>
<p>Frazzled, do we miss some geniuses? Probably. But we just don’t have the bandwidth to tolerate inappropriate business behavior, regardless of if it’s in email, in person, etc. I wish we had the time and resources to be more open, less selective, etc. I especially wish we had the humanity and compassion to make a friend of this person who is the subject of this post - but we don’t.</p>
<p>Late to this thread.</p>
<p>I stopped at post 18 because I was thinking along similar lines, possibly:</p>
<p>OCD meets CEO.</p>
<p>One of the many characteristics of OCD (& it manifests differently in each individual who has it – it is definitely NOT a uniform pattern; different configurations depending on the person) is intolerance about other people’s imperfections. The whole business about coming unglued about the party staff’s imperfections, etc.</p>
<p>Perfectionism – whether addressed to oneself or to others – can manifest to an extreme in someone with obsessive/compulsive. It often comes out as a fixation on controlling the details of an activity assigned to someone else.</p>
<p>Can’t comment on the business ramifications of it all; just think the psychology part is interesting.</p>
<p>“Opie, it should be clear even on a cursory reading of this thread that LTS is trying to maintain some amount of anonymity in the process that they feel will be compromised by more detail on the type of business. Why keep asking? To ridicule the position taken you don’t need more detail. Are you afraid it might be someone you know?”</p>
<p>Curm, </p>
<p>Why? Is her legal name lateforschool? 
Am I afraid it might be someone I know? not really, thought never occurred to me as away from mayberry, nobody knows me. 
Do all her associates post here? </p>
<p>But you know from dealing with other posts w/me that a simple detail like profession/industry and type of organization for tax/legal reasons makes a HUGE difference in advice. You know that to be true. We went through this a while ago on the family farm vs. factory in estate planning post. </p>
<p>I have the greatest respect for LFS privacy, mainly because I don’t care who she/he is. That the best privacy one can be assured of. </p>
<p>My mistake was actually attempting to use my brain to look a the different business situations (c-corp, s-corp, partnership, sole proprietor) and the implications of dissolution. LFS keeps calling the guy the CEO, well CEO of what type of business? A C corp or are they all SP’s ? </p>
<p>I was focusing on the question, not if the “bimbo” was bad or not. That doesn’t matter. It was how to possibly end the business relationship w/o technical hassles from doing it wrong and preserve the client base. I thought she was asking a business question and the I hate the gf/wife was the noise client often provide with a business question. </p>
<p>I simply was trying to provide better advice than shooting from the hip. If that’s offensive to LFS or yourself, I apologise. My bad for wanting to give a decent answer to her question.</p>
<p>opie, you and I agree. I was very glad she mentioned visiting the lawyer. I can just imagine what some of those contractual issues might be. :eek: I just thought it should have been clear to you after your repeated attempts to gather info that it wasn’t going to come. That plus the unwarranted vicious attack she was receiving from another poster, is what prompted my advice to her to close up shop.</p>
<p>“opie, you and I agree”</p>
<p>Curm as we both have wonderful D’s, I’m sure you’ve experienced this common occurance more than once like myself.</p>
<p>“How’s it going Boo? Why so sad” </p>
<p>“Well… (fill in the problem).”</p>
<p>“Here’s what you need to do.”</p>
<p>“You just don’t understand.” Walks away in a huff.</p>
<p>I often make the mistake of thinking some people actually form questions because they want an answer, when often all they seek is agreement with what they will do anyway. Any form of a solution offered that doesn’t fit their idea is rejected. </p>
<p>My fault is thinking people always want a answer to their question. I think this is one of those times. And that comment doesn’t make her a bad person, just normal. </p>
<p>In my work world, I often have to say, "No, you can’t do that because you risk being [sued, jailed, fined, etc…] and offer a reasonable solution for consideration. It was my bad for assuming a professional solution to the question was needed. I should know better, but heck, some things make my ears perk up.</p>
<p>Quote: There is a vast and distinct difference between “assertive” and “abrasive.” You–and some others here–would do well to learn the difference. </p>
<p>~berurah ///end quote</p>
<p>Not sure this scolding is needed. I can think of only a handful of posters here–ones I admire tremendously and I admit I’m not one of them–who have not resorted to sniping. Berurah, LTS and myself–we are all guilty of it, though we see it best in others.</p>
<p>I can only think of two things when reading this thread-
One is the problematic female in question must be really GIB and that [this</a> book](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Conflicts/dp/067162248X]this”>http://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Conflicts/dp/067162248X) is a bible for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills</p>
<p>
Unlike yours, farawayplaces, any “sniping” LTS or I may do tends not to be gratuitous or strictly for the purpose of hurting others. <em>YOU</em> are WAY out of line, as usual. ;)</p>
<p>~berurah
p.s. If you wish to discuss “issues” you have with me, I’d be free to discuss them via pm. My post was not directed at you nor at <em>anyone</em> in particular except an egregiously ill-mannered poster on this thread who I’ve named once and will not name again. You have attacked me gratuitiously SEVERAL times, once on an extremely innocuous thread about my son’s making the red basketball team. What gives? What’s the matter…are you frustrated 'cause all of us ignored your latest inane post on the Duke Lax thread? 
</p>
<p>“You are way out of line, as usual.”</p>
<p>Yikes! Holy Cow. I’m sure I’m not “usually” out of line! I apologize if I’m overreacting to your scolding that seemed a bit sanctimonious. . . he who is without sin casting the first stone and all that.</p>
<p>
Where, before you posted specifically to me, had I addressed you personally since the attack on the basketball thread? I have tried to walk a WIDE circle around you for very good reason. If you address me, I then feel free to address you in return–and in as honest and forthright a fashion (read: BLUNT) as you choose to use. Don’t pick a fight and then cry “foul.” It’s ludicrous and frankly, that dog won’t hunt with me.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>^^O.K, am I supposed to now edit my post because you removed the part that I quoted? </p>
<p>I honestly am at a loss to understand your animosity toward me. I have NEVER addressed you first. Not EVER. I do not post to you. I no longer reply to your posts out of fear of being attacked. I don’t get it. I really don’t. :(</p>
<p>Re: this:
Are you saying that because I am not “perfect,” because I am “with sin,” I should never strive to discipline my children? Never “scold”? Are you saying that NO ONE may legitimately hold ANYONE else to a standard of conduct because s/he is not perfect? I am not a believer in “turning the other cheek.” If I feel unfairly attacked, yes, I may “snipe” in return. That said, my general manner, demeanor, and conduct on this forum would hardly be categorized as “controversial” or “confrontative.” Do you realize that you have NEVER posted one positive thing to me…or to most others on this forum? I’d be happy to compare records with you. Then, we can talk. Until then, well, I’m done.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>Berurah</p>
<p>I felt personally attacked in the Duke thread by your post that began. “Farawayplaces, I have been trying to figure out where you are coming from . . . .” Now I held very passionate beliefs about the Duke scandal (some very wrong and I apologized for them), but something about my opinions pushed your buttons. I did not feel that I should be personally scolded for my beliefs.</p>
<p>Let’s retire the field. This clash is nonproductive. I’ll let you have the last word!</p>
<p>I’ve read this entire thread, and I just don’t get it. Why would someone’s choice of gf/spouse have anything to do with business relations? I could see why someone wouldn’t want to socialize with such an individual, but not why someone would sacrifice an obviously long-term business association because of her. I think Opie is right: to fully understand what is going on, we need to know why the association is dependent on a non-participant.</p>
<p>That said, we don’t really need to understand. I trust that LTS knows her stuff and, especially based on marite’s post, she has every reason to keep the specifics of her business to herself. However, I’m left trying to imagine why this CEO’s choice of bimbo has created such a crisis.</p>
<p>i’ll let you have the last word!</p>
<p>Ill admit- this is one of my buttons.</p>
<p>When H and I were younger ( we started living together when I was 19 & he was 22) I- like many females- was much more verbal than he was.
If he couldn’t think of a comeback when we fought ( we used to fight a lot)
He would say “fine- Ill let you have the last word!”</p>
<p>:p</p>
<p>I am going to close this thread. It has gone south in a big way. Rather than write many people a warning, I am just going to make one general statement here for all. </p>
<p>LTS, I understand you had a dilemma and needed a place to vent or perhaps get advice and having known many CCer’s for a long while, chose to do it here. Perhaps this sort of thing would have worked better in PMs or emails to CC friends whom you trust. No matter, people have tried to offer you perspectives. No, you do not need to reveal which sort of business you are in on a public forum and posters need to respect that and not keep pushing you for more, even if it is hard to help with the little information you provided. </p>
<p>An egregious personal attack was deleted from this thread. However, there are continual “attacks” on the OP and on various other posters. EVERYONE…please go over our Terms of Service. Please refrain from discussing POSTERS and keep to the topics at hand, not discussing one another. If you have a gripe with another poster, take it to PM. The back and forth sniping must stop. Enough.</p>
<p>Thank you for your cooperation.</p>