<p>Is there EVER anything gained by attempting to redress cases of “wrong award selections?” Is the value of those awards EVER worth the trouble of disputing the selection process? How fast does the temporary personal ego boosting from seeing one’s name in the daily paper disappear? People who should know DO typically know … and the rest of the world does not care a whit about it. </p>
<p>My take is that this is always a no-win situation, especially for the unhappy family.</p>
<p>I agree with Xiggi.</p>
<p>What is of more value, an award which was mistakenly denied or a friendship. I would really drop it. Your son knows the truth and the loss of a trophy, plaque or certificate which would only end up forgotten in the attic in a few years is of little consequence.</p>
<p>The whole matter has been dropped . . . by my son and me. </p>
<p>I just found it odd that the gentleman from the committee felt compelled to email me again, when I didn’t ask for any response. </p>
<p>Because people on this board have been so kind and interested, I thought it was the right thing to do to let them know what had happened. </p>
<p>Perhaps not, though.</p>
<p>In our experience, school awards are almost always more trouble than they’re worth. This generalization includes the awards your kid truly deserves and actually manages to win–a rare occurrence in districts which value PC and self-esteem over actual merit. I’ve found that these silly honors can, even under the best of conditions, drive a wedge in friendships or potential friendships. Many good and lovely people nevertheless have a very tough time handling seeing another child acknowledged over their own, especially if their own was close in the running.</p>
<p>Furthermore, having your kid’s name in the newspaper is definitely overrated. For one thing, small town or regional newspapers do make a lot of mistakes which can be hurtful to your child and to the others involved. For another, I have been surprised to note that parents seem to get more jealous of the publicity itself than of the actual honor or accomplishment. As my kids like to say, being average and flying under the radar is socially easier.</p>
<p>But, I should mention that I do live in a competitive area so some will disagree with my assessment. Also, personally we haven’t had a problem rejoicing in the achievements of others’ children. Our philosophy is that America is a big place and there is plenty of pie to go around.</p>
<p>To my mind, your son won the big award by his graciousness and you won another by your graciousness. And these aren’t the sort of awards that gather dust in the attic. They are the awards that build the cornerstones of lives. </p>
<p>Enjoy the game. Celebrate. This year of “the last” this and “the last” that can be tough – how wonderful to gather your community and take the time to celebrate.</p>
<p>“Perhaps not, though.”</p>
<p>Brandon’s Mom, I hope you did not consider my post to be a criticism of sorts. I am quite certain that everyone on this board understood your reaction to this seemingly unjust decision. However, I also believe that most everyone has been involved or witnessed a similar case, and would agree that its importance varies tremendously between the insiders and outsiders. </p>
<p>It also seems that the aggravation and hurt feelings are compounded by the lack of apology or acknowledgment by the “committee.” It was a very wise decision to close that chapter as soon as possible.</p>
<p>Very nicely put xiggi.</p>
<p>Brandon’s mom, have a great time at the game tonight. </p>
<p>Grace, you are so right that “the last” events are really tough. It is best to enjoy every second of this, their “last” year.</p>
<p>I apologize if that came across wrong, Xiggi. </p>
<p>You know who I felt the worst for in this whole fiasco? Not Brandon, surprisingly, because I knew he would handle himself well. </p>
<p>It was my elderly father. </p>
<p>Ever since my mother died a few years ago he has been lethargic and un-interested in very much except his health, which he obssesses about. </p>
<p>The only thing that has perked him up lately have been Brandon and his accomplishments. They have been an enormous source of pride for Dad. </p>
<p>When they were getting ready to announce the Scholar-Athlete at the banquet - which my father attended, to our great surprise - I happened to glance at Dad and you could see his excitement and anticipation when they said the award was for the highest GPA on the team. </p>
<p>And when Brandon didn’t win, my father’s face just fell. He didn’t say a word to us until the ceremonies were over; then he said Brandon’s friend must be really smart. I said of course he is, and I introduced my father to Brandon’s friend’s father on the way out. </p>
<p>Dad was so devastated. I know it sounds kind of stupid. </p>
<p>I’m going to talk to him tonight at the game about this, get him to focus on the positive - and let him know he should be very proud of Brandon for how he handled the disappointment.</p>
<p>No, it doesn’t sound stupid. The story about your father really puts the whole thing in perspective. You and Brandon have done the right thing by taking the high road, and Brandon has many years of accomplishments and you have many years of pride in him ahead of you, and you’re right to consider the matter closed. But this award would have been very meaningful for your father. It would have been a gift to him. I understand your feelings completely, and I sympathize.</p>
<p>Brandon’s mom - it doesn’t sound stupid at all. My father is also elderly and he is doing the same types of things. He would actually tear up at football games when my son’s name was announced over the speakers. I love that my dad is still around enjoying his grandkids. </p>
<p>I think an explanation of the confusion and reinforcement of the positives will clear things up for him. I’m sure he will be bursting at the game tonight.</p>
<p>Xiggi, if I may, I am not seeing here anywhere that anyone tried to dispute the process; what I am seeing is that an award was announced, and published in several places, on very specific, measurable criteria. GPA as you know is not subjective: the numbers are the numbers, period. What I read here was not a dispute, but rather a very legitimate, properly positioned and very respectful inquiry, and rightly so - there was every possibility at onset that there may have been an error in GPA computation, and if so, obviously that should be addressed as if there were an error in how the GPA was reported to one requester, perhaps the same error would be duplicated to others as well - to colleges, perhaps, or external scholarship providers, and in turn have far greater consequences than loss of this one award. </p>
<p>Second, I’m not getting that anyone was unhappy - quite the contrary; everyone seemed to be very happy for the winner(s), and in fact congratulated the winners, and even expressed happiness in the email reply to the “committee of 1”. </p>
<p>I agree with you that disputing fairness of awards is, rather, well, icky, for lack of a more articulate word. But that doesn’t appear to be the case here: it was so broadly announced to be the highest GPA when in fact that certainly was not the case at all. The first email was bad enough; the second email sort of puts things quite over the top and leaves no doubt that there was serious error here.</p>
<p>X - I forgot to also say, that, as the parent of a scholar-athlete of the year winner, the criteria included more than GPA and athletic numbers, however, if the award was announced and publicized in several places including media with highest GPA, which D did not have, she would have felt strongly compelled to decline the award or at least explore corrective measures, as there were athletes with higher GPAs.</p>
<p>Hopefully, in future years, this school makes the criteria clear, or, if they intend to stick with the “highest GPA” criteria, then, they give the award to that person.</p>
<p>LTS, I do not really understand your post. I don’t think I wrote that B’mom was wrong to question the process or its outcome. All I wrote was an opinion that fighting such battles tends to compound the negative emotions. </p>
<p>As a parent of an athlete involved in mutiple HS sports, you must have learned that the recognition by outsiders is often fickle. How often do you find out that the star athlete, the uber MVP ends up NOT being offered any kind of scholarships and has to settle as a … walk-on? More often than we think! High schools are especially subject by all kinds of turf battles: tossed around and twirled by school principals, parents, alumni, the coaches face continuous pressures to nominate the “right” awardee. As annoying at is may be, that is just the nature of the beast. In addition, I am certain that similar jockeying happen in academics, music, and a number of activities. Just think how many stories about unhappy “almost” valedictorians one can find on CC … or stories about awards that went to a less deserving candidate! </p>
<p>My point is solely that it is better to “let it go” because the chances that one will obtain the satisfaction is rather slim. Along the way, one might also wonder if, in the past, the person who collected many awards in his or her lifetime, did not get one that … belonged to some else and never knew about it!</p>
<p>Well, in the general sense, I agree, Xiggi. It seemed to me at my daughter’s high school graduation that what the school did was (1) make a list of students they wanted to recognize; (2) fashion awards to fit those specific students; (3) twist and tweak things so that the awards were “spread around”; (4) fashion definitions to back up to those various decisions. </p>
<p>As opposed to what the “committee of 1” in this case did, which was (1) decide criteria for an award, and (2) pick the student to fit the criteria, and then (3) change criteria after the mistake came to light.</p>
<p>It was appropriate to check on the award. Mistakes are often made. It is your responsibility to bring it up if you notice one. As I said earlier, my little guy was left out of tournament results sheerly by mistake. When I brought it up, it was immediately fixed and apologies issued. And I understood it was a simple mistake; I’ve made my share and more in life. End of matter. In this case, the mistake was in the state criteria. End of matter too. It is unfortunate that any of these mistakes do cause pain. I know my son was hurt not to be called up for his trophy that day. I know my other son hurt that his name was left off of the sports roster in his year book. It does happen and it does hurt. The young man is certainly to be commended for his reactions to all of this. We’re just discussing the details of what happened, maybe with too much interest.</p>
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<p>This quote brought a smile to my face when I think of all the times over the years that PC and self-esteem took precedence over merit when giving out school awards. One of my S’s had the misfortune to be extremely gifted which meant that he couldn’t get any awards because his mere existence was believed to lower the self esteem of his classmates. Even his teacher was upset when his fourth grade physics project failed to win any kind of prize, even though it was the best project she’d seen in her 20 years of teaching. </p>
<p>The kicker for me came senior year in high school when a community business sponsored a scholarship base purely on academic merit. I thought he was a shoe-in since they were giving several awards and he exceeded all of the criteria. When he got the letter saying he had been passed over, it said the committee had placed great emphasis on having overcome hardships even though this was not one of the criteria listed for consideration for the scholarship. As in Brandon’s case, I think it’s unfair to change the criteria for an award after you’ve publicized the criteria.</p>
<p>By the way, now that he’s at Princeton he’s finding it much easier to win awards there than it ever was at grammar school.</p>
<p>cookiemom:
And I chuckle at your story about the academic award being tied to overcoming hardships. The middle school “community group” S was in would give quartlerly awards for various nebulous categories of school values. One was the “academic” award. Time after time over the 3 years S spent in that cluster, S was bypassed for it, despite the fact that he had the highest grades–a verifiable fact since grade lists by student number were posted by each teacher. I should add that he was also well-behaved and very involved in school and town sports and organizations.</p>
<p>Well, during one particular quarter S had won the “community” and then school spelling bee, “community” and then school geography bee (qualified for the state bee too), an essay contest sponsored by the local college, and so on. Naturally, S assumed that finally this time he would be given the prize. You guessed it, it didn’t happen. So he sat down and wrote his teachers a letter outlining his accomplishments over the past years and said that since he had never been given the academic award even once (others actually were repeat winners) he had come to the conclusion that for some reason, he must have failed to earn his teachers’ affection or respect. Would they please let him know what he could do to change that?</p>
<p>The teachers were clearly embarrassed; several pulled him aside and said they weren’t the ones in charge of the award, yes they respected him, yada yada. But the official explanation given S was that while he had high grades, that wasn’t the only criteria for the award. They were looking for students who didn’t necessarily have the best grades but who were hard-working and had shown improvement. They also wanted to boost some students’ self-esteem. It appeared to them that S didn’t have to work that hard to earn A’s, since he always started out at an A and stayed there. S was furious, and asked them by what means they were measuring how hard someone had worked? And if indeed he had managed to get so many A’s without hard work, wasn’t that a problem with the curriculum or grading scale and not him? And how did they come to the conclusion that his self-esteem did not require boosting? Weren’t they aware of the studies indicating that high-achieving children actually can have very low self-esteem–hence their push to excel?</p>
<p>My son was passed over for the 8th grade middle school French award for the outstanding French student. Apparently because he was a middle schooler taking upper school French. And earning As at it. I think they just forgot him, but somehow it doesn’t seem fair.</p>
<p>cnp55 my son didn’t get the middle school math award for the same reason. :rolleyes:</p>