As title asks, just curious what other parents allow when their teens approach them with the inevitable, “can I do/go ------but everyone’s doing it”…
We are lucky that our school hosts an after-prom party for Senior Prom back at the school. About 90% of the kids go including some who skipped the actual prom. Lots of food, games, prizes, entertaient. Costs a fortune but donations cover most of it (public school). Junior Prom also not a problem because most kids still have a Cinderella license and have to be off the road by midnight.
Our kids went to small house parties after prom. They did not go to the big bash events some went to. We just said no…and they understood.
Both did go to the beach the following day…a school tradition.
We always hosted a post-prom party. That way we didn’t have to worry about where the kids were or what they were doing. We collected keys at the door - once a kid was there, he or she was there through breakfast. I would say that about half the parents of kids who came called us in advance to make sure we were going to be home - I was always surprised that we didn’t get more of those calls.
We also are lucky to have a school wide post prom event. More kids go to that than the prom! I feel lucky I never had to deal with those kinds of requests.
Unfortunately, we have ‘Beach Week’. First or second week of June. THAT’s the event I say no to.
90% of our HS kids go to cheap motels near the Jersey Shore where they don’t sleep and as many kids as possible smuggle in booze. My kid and her friends wanted nothing to do with that so they have arranged their own excursion into the city to have fun. My son will be a different kettle of fish when the time comes. I will have to see what happens in a few years’ time, but I already want to say no. Call me a party pooper.
One of the virtues of summer jobs is that they make participation in Beach Week impossible, and it’s not the parents’ fault. 
But see the other current thread about the difficulty some high school seniors have in getting summer jobs.
Apparently coed sleepovers are/were quite the thing in my town. There was a 14yo that got pregnant during one of these. Sounds nuts.
Coed sleepovers sound nuts until you realize that college is a four-year coed sleepover.
I view prom weekend as a chance for them to spend it as they plan to spend their four years of college away, which I will not be able to control, but with the good friends they have had their whole lives. Better then experimenting with people they have only just met in a new environment at college. At some point you can only hope they have heard you
Why is a 14 year old at a prom sleep over?!
Both my sister and I were 18 at prom and in my family that means you make your own choices. My parents had the golden rule they always had: never, ever drink and drive.
I did a small party with friends because I forgot to request work off the next day. My sister stayed at the hotel where her prom was held and probably drank.
D and her friends had sleepovers after prom. The guys could stay for a while with the parents of the hostess present and then they had to leave around 1am. The girls are buddies from 9th grade and very close. They had a sleepover after each of the major dances–JR & SR prom and winter ball. It was safe and they had a nice time debriefing with one another. A relative and her friends rented a hotel room but were booted out by management for “noise,” but their money was NOT refunded. Another relative hosted a sleepover for boys only at his house.
My D has been exposed to parties for the past year and we have a very open relationship about what she does and what goes on. For me it’s all about trust, trusting that I raised her to make smart choices and if she ever needs me I will be there for her. She will be away in college in just a few months without me saying yes or no so all I can do is hope she continues to make the right choices. So, for prom she can go wherever she wants as long as she tells me where and with whom she’ll be with.
Proms are typically in Waikiki here about an 40 drive from home. The last two proms another mom and I got a hotel room, our girls got ready there, went to prom, and at some point had to be back in hotel room. Most kids had hotel rooms without pesky parents. We also made it clear our room was a “safe harbor” for any young ladies who did not enjoy how their after-prom was going. We had an extra girl both times.
That makes good sense to me. I might have done that too, if the girls hadn’t chosen two friends homes where they could get ready all together and have a slumber party afterwards. The parents at those homes are responsible and we get along well. The girls are also great kids.
Bravo to you for providing a safe place for kids. Good job! Our Oahu traffic is awful!
Prom has been a low-key affair so far at D’s school. Last year was the first year it was even held someplace besides the school gym. The entire staff and their spouses go, and parents are able to attend. If there have been after parties, I’ve not been aware. We picked D up afterward last year and will do so again. We won’t go as far as to stay at the prom with her. My older D’s BFF’s grandmother got the group a hotel room to get ready, but half the couples had broken up by the time prom came along so it was a pretty low-key evening. They had a nice place to sleep though, I guess. I’ve never had to deal with these after parties or anything.
For our kids it was a night at a lake house about 45 minutes from home. The parents hired a party bus so no issue wit driving. Yes it was a co-Ed sleepover. Yes there was alcohol snuck in I’m sure. There were parent chaperones but there only job was to make sure no one left the house/ deck. The beach was only allowed the next day. Not at night. My daughter and her boyfriend were more interstesred in getting some final time together than drinking.
My daughter and her friends came home after prom - she and at least one other went to school the next day (senior cut day) then over that weekend they had a great NYC excursion - eating in nice places and visiting museums, etc. (instead of the drunk crazy weekend at the NJ shore described above)
House parties were the norm in our town. They varied enormously in terms of expectations of the hosting parents. I was very grateful to and impressed by some (sent invites with clear parameters addressed to both parents and attending kids-sleeping arrangements, ETOH and drug policy, food,etc spelled out) and stunned by others - sign this and your underage kid can drink at our house. As DS said, that doesn’t change the law.
All houses were vetted and our kids knew they were to stay in one place or call for a ride; hosts knew to let us know if kid wanted to leave. Most parents exhaled after prom was over. Our overnight party at the school takes place after graduation.
Best to CCers this graduation season.