<p>This is an interesting piece that I thought was worth sharing. It makes sense when I think about the stronger and weaker branches in my own family tree.</p>
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<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/fashion/the-family-stories-that-bind-us-this-life.html?emc=eta1[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/fashion/the-family-stories-that-bind-us-this-life.html?emc=eta1</a></p>
<p>As soon as I read your title, I knew this was adapted from the Bruce Feiler book!! (have heard him before - awesome story, awesome guy, awesome dad!)</p>
<p>Will comment more later… :)</p>
<p>H and I have bored our kids on many, many occasions with family lore. I sent that article to both of them, saying “you may have been bored, but we were only doing it for your own good!”</p>
<p>We go on many family vacations together, sometimes it is just four of us, and sometimes it is with my extended family. The younger cousins grew up going to Club Med, Italy, HKG, Japan. We have many funny stories to tell, not so funny back then, but looking back…We are going on another extended family vacation this June. Many grown young adults claimed they had other obligations, but at the end, they are all pressured to show up. We all get together at least once a year at Christmas time. The young cousins all learned to play poker well, and the most challenging event is always name that tune by Springsteen.</p>
<p>Interesting article. We should probably do more work on the grandparents’ stories. (Although my dad passed away a couple of months ago, so everyone is up to date on his story.)</p>
<p>The weird thing is that my H does not remember our own family stories…you know, the crazy things that happened on vacation (the hailstorm during the bike ride, etc.). He was right there with us, but when we tell the stories and just dissolve in laughter, he won’t remember it.</p>
<p>Wonder what this means to adoptive families and those with descending stories. It is interesting dad is getting his own book about his life written. Can’t wait to read it. Sadly did t know much about many of my in-laws and now many have died.</p>
<p>Huh! Here I was “doing the right thing” and I didn’t even know it! My father loved to tell stories like this and my siblings and I grew up hearing his, and as my mom got used to story-telling, hers too. I have brought my kids up with their own narratives, and it’s even more vital that my youngest hears them since so many of her older relatives are long gone. She knows her grandparents and great-aunts and uncles only through stories. </p>
<p>My H lost both of his parents and all of his grandparents at a young age, so his stories are very different than mine. And we don’t have the means to travel as much as my ex and I did with the older kids, but I like to think I’m painting some good pictures for the youngest.</p>
<p>Sadly, despite these efforts by my parents, I have two siblings that don’t speak, even though they were the closest and had the best stories growing up. If only stories could heal all wounds such as they carry from each other.</p>
<p>Making your own narrative is personally beneficial, too.</p>
<p>I have an adopted niece and I think she gets the family stories and the special story of all her parents went through to bring her home. And the stories that were shared about her family in Guatemala. She may have the richest family narrative of all of us.</p>
<p>I disagree at least in part. My family is geographically separated but each family unit within that separation works well. We are not bound tightly into an extended family. We are bound somewhat by shared traits and certain histories, mostly personal interactions and likes of certain people. </p>
<p>Say you define family as clan. We could say the best family structure then is old world. Except of course that defines happiness as what works for the group and not for the individual. Daughters have specific roles to play in those clans. Sons have to do what is expected. I’m not saying this leads to honor killings but we would need to recognize that kind of social pressure filters into the clan unit and into the family unit. </p>
<p>[To be statistical, I could say we define a utility parameter and fit a regression which optimizes for that, the point being we would both be defining what, for example, we mean by happiness (and thus how it affects x, y and z) and then we’d just be finding a best fit given a bunch of other factors. In other words, we can’t find the answer, just an answer.] </p>
<p>If you define family as immediate, then you get something more like whatever values the individual while defining bonds so they have strength. In my family, that had specific meaning. It certainly wasn’t a shared narrative.</p>
<p>I think this article and little study is interesting but SMALL and should be interpreted with care. Can see the value in a strong and upward trending family narrative but otherwise not sure.</p>
<p>“Wonder what this means to adoptive families and those with descending stories.”</p>
<p>My family and my husband’s family stories are the stories of our adopted son’s family just as much as his cousins who were born into our families. I don’t understand the need to differentiate.</p>
<p>Adoptive children may want info about bio families as much as its available. Sometimes some is known while other times not much is known.</p>
<p>But wouldn’t the story about my grandfather being a professional wrestler be just as real for an adopted child as for blood. Still their moms family.</p>
<p>Some of our best stories are about friends, not just blood relations. After all my husbands mother is not my blood relative.</p>
<p>“Adoptive children may want info about bio families as much as its available. Sometimes some is known while other times not much is known.”</p>
<p>Imo, my son’s “bio” family is no more his family, then his birth mother is his mom.</p>
<p>I’m surprised that an article was written on this. I find it saddening that it isn’t common knowledge. I’ve grown up with an Indian background and have been taught this my whole life.</p>