I saw another “How can I get residency to …put state here …but it’s often CA?”. I appreciate the difference in cost compared to OOS but why do you think after living OOS for your entire life they are going to make it easy for you to get funding from them. I find that annoying.
We earn $50,000 a year…but I think I’ll set up a second residency in CA so my kid cannget instate tuition.
There are two of those…right now.
The “OH NO, I only have a 3.99gpa UW, 35 ACT, 1580 SAT, 2nd in my class”
I hate threads like that obviously academically you did as good as a student can do (just about).
Doesnt mean uou will get into wherever you are trying to go, but lose the dramatics.
Any threads or posts by posters who think the Terms of Service apply to everyone else but them.
Thread that starts with parent asking if child will be competitive at top schools and moves to parent comparing child with Bill Gates and Emma Watson.
Threads where someone calls out the moderator and the nasty and restrictive TOS…They don’t stay around long. :))
Posts by parents where quantity not quality is important
Yeah, those are annoying! I love getting notes from people whom I’ve warned. Sanitized version: “Who do you think you are, Mr. Bigshot Moderator?” First I tell them I’m female and then I put them behind bars or get rid of them. 
Or my personal favorite, which I’ve been getting a lot of recently, “What gives you the right to…?” Ummmm, that would again be listed in ToS, which I’ll be happy to quote for you. But thank you for taking the time to write to me. :))
And yet another annoying thread where the OP asks for help deciding between several schools, gets many very helpful responses from posters who have put time, thought and energy into providing useful feedback to the OP, and then the OP, without ever coming back to share if the info was helpful in making the decision (or sharing what the decision was) comes back to say they want the thread closed.
And every thread that leans into anti AA (both aff action and African American,) first chance it gets, no matter how “generous” some think they are. I’m grateful all the mods watch those.
Seems to be quite a few " thinly veiled " political posts right now as well. Just because you don’t mention names, doesn’t mean it’s not political .
Threads where “the Ivies” are grouped together like they are all the same thing. Like Dartmouth and Columbia have more in common than, I dunno, Dartmouth and Middlebury or Columbia and NYU. The Ivy League is a sports league people. That’s it.
Threads where is it quite evident that the student poster has a pervasive developmental disorder yet adult posters react strongly to the OP suggesting that the student “should” be functioning at a different level. Advising the kid to stop whining. Comparing this kid to their kids or others doing well. Insisting that applying a little bootstrap oil is all that is needed. Then, when the kid implodes and reacts badly, adults responding in a “raised eyebrow, I knew this kid was a problem” sort of way.
We would not do this to, say, a Down’s Syndrome person…we acknowledge that a kid with a 60 IQ will have cognitive limitations and emotional frustrations that one with a 120 IQ will not have. Why can’t we recognize Autism in the same vein? We’re not therapists here, but surely we can “get” that we need to go gently with someone with a condition that is known to cause severe limitations in socio-emotional functioning. That there are intellectual abilities doesn’t mean that the kid will be ABLE to respond with the emotional maturity of a typical 18 y.o.,…moreso when the student has been bullied, mocked, isolated his whole life. Please don’t be self-righteous. Try not to be so shocked and appalled when there is a meltdown. We may not be able to help this person, but please do not add to the fire. Would you criticize a Down Syndrome kid for his/her decficiencies? You know that would be bear-baiting and taunting. So why do it to a person struggling with autism, who may very well have nowhere to turn for help, or have the insight to know where to go. Or is fearful of asking for help anywhere because of past bullying.
One kid PMed me that he cried himself to sleep after posting here and feels utterly hopeless about his future. Yes, he responded badly to posts according to our definitions of “normal.” Yes, he has a severe disability that he will struggle with for life. It’s a very lonely place.
Not all of us are trained to recognize developmental disabilities, especially in print.
@inthegarden Unless a poster discloses that they have a specific disorder, I am hesitant to label them as someone with that disorder, and I do have experience with people with a variety of physical, psychosocial and mental deficits . Not everyone with anger issues or impulse control falls on the spectrum. I agree that people may be a little kinder in their approach at times. That said , by being overly supportive and unrealistic to someone who is clearly not prepared for college from an executive functioning and social functioning standpoint is not being helpful either , IMO
And that poster, after flinging plenty at others, some pretty overtly offensive, only much later in the thread inserted one word to identify a Dx.
99% of the time, on an anon forum, we can only deal with what is written. And a diagnosed disorder/disability was not evident to me in the flow. Only later did I find that one word, pages in, after so much antagonism from that OP.
Not self righteous. More an attempt to focus on solutions, move away from the manifest rage. Same as we try to find glass half full for many, many kids.
@carolinamo2boys and @TomSrOfBoston, that is true. But in this case the poster did disclose it fairly early on in the post. I then reiterated in the thread what some of the struggles tend to be with someone affected by it, that was corroborated by what followed. The poster confirmed to me through PM that there was a diagnosis and other distressful, chronic life experiences that I won’t disclose here that would impair almost anyone’s skills and confidence . Of course, we cannot confirm this in real life, but still, there can be real life-consequences to anyone participating on a forum and I care about this, as many/ most of you do. I continued to try to advocate for caution and gentleness in this particular thread.
I know that not everyone is trained to recognize mental health or developmental issues, but I think we can hit a “pause” button in our responses when there are some not-so-subtle clues that something is off…and moreover, treat any individual wherever they happen to state they are. It’s one thing to nudge a possibly warped subjective view with gentle objective questioning, but pronouncing strong judgements as if we know what is going on is wrong. I think it is almost always (if not always) a mistake to compare a poster unfavorably to “savvy” students who have been able to achieve more, do more, have initiative, show leadership, etc , when there IS no indication whether or not a particular life skill is doable, for any given OP (or an excruciatingly near-impossible challenge.) Yes, it is one thing for an adult poster to helpfully suggest things to try to improve oneself (i.e., start a club, start your own research project, team up with a professor, demonstrate leadership skills, work hared at even the things yo don’t like) but when the OP says he has tried these things, mostly unsuccessfully, or does not have money or parental support to do many of them, and does not have good social skills or coping skills AND has mentioned asperger’s as one of his challenges, and posters continue to tell him variations of “you’re just making excuses” IMO is pushing a potentially destructive path. How do any of us REALLY know if any given poster is making excuses or representing their actual reality?
Last night I read another post where a very nice-seeming girl wrote about her struggles with Algebra II and an unhelpful teacher. Most posters were very supportive and constructive in their comments. However, one poster (another student) kept telling her that Algebra II is easy and she should not be having any trouble if she works, that other students in her grade are doing calculus at this point. etc. Another poster rightly told this student poster that the comments were not appropriate. The student poster said that being critical is a helpful way to get slackers to work harder. I kind of feel that the post with the boy affected by Asperger’s was along the same lines, but with multiple adults saying or implying that he should be doing so much better, and he should be grateful for the critical advice. He didn’t respond gracefully…well, without tremendous social coaching and avoidance of intense (for them) frustration, meltdowns are near-universal for people affected by Asperger’s, so I’m not surprised he didn’t cope well. That’s not enabling, that’s saying he hasn’t yet learned and we really shouldn’t judge if we haven’t walked in those shoes. I do admit he was much less charming than the lovely girl with the math problem, but therin lies the problem : his disability intrinsically makes it near-impossible for him to be charming or to recognize how to “win friends and influence people.” When he is rejected for his lack of politeness, he cannot get or apply the help he needs, and so the negativity, hopelessness and inertia people accuse him of are reinforced. He digs in deeper, afraid of any opportunities to better himself and learn social skills because the pain of criticism received from people is too great. Again, no one can/should do therapy here, but we can all try to stop comparing students to other students or pronouncing strong negative judgements of someone’s character along with the helpful suggestions we give, because we just DON’T know about the mental state, home environment, resources of any given student poster.
Sorry about the long post but I felt it is important to say.
@inthegarden I understand your opinion, I am quite familiar with the symptoms of autism and other disorders and the struggles that people who have these disorders face on a daily basis. My profession is based on it. I also agree that people could be nicer in some of their responses , but I still stand by my opinion that by being overly supportive is also less than helpful.
Threads where posters admit to feeling “bitter” that their LORs cost them admissions and so they are left with having to go to Yale.