What are your thoughts about travel in the time of Covid?

Parent Cafe
1261

Speaking as someone who has family members who have passed, understand that life is short and plan accordingly. Sounds like you are actively thinking about this.

Social distancing 6’ to 12’ works. Masks with plastic face shields work. Changing clothes out and washing hands and faces frequently works. Packing coolers with food works. Using toilets with a lid works (not exactly polite conversation but open plumbing is apparently being studied as a source of possible contamination).

Mental health is just as important as physical distancing. Both can be catered to successfully.

Frankly, your potential trips would possibly be a bit safer than the grocery shopping I am exposed to these days. Lack of social distancing, masks pushed to under the nose, no gloves to cover hands, etc…

No one is going to agree on the best way to go about this. Not enough data is in yet. But as cases rise, how they started to rise, versus our own individual plans, matters.

You sound like you take all of this very seriously. Fall/winter will most likely provide an environment where cases could rise. Good luck with your decision!

1262

@deb922 I am not going to tell you to not see your mom…BUT I am going to tell you I think you should go see your kids. GO. SEE. YOUR. CHILDREN.

The guilt and worrying about doing the right thing will eat us all up. You should not be apologetic for visiting the family you created.

1263

True but mostly among those who do not practice caution. Mostly among young people thinking they won’t get it or if they get they won’t be too sick. Among the older people the cases aren’t rising. I think that means precautions are working. As far as your take precautions you should be ok imo.

1264

I miss them (the kids) so much. They keep telling me that we don’t have to come. To see grandma instead of them.

My mil was crying last week because the granddaughter of the other son is moving to the west coast. She was crying because she thinks she may never see her again. I told her I hadn’t see my daughter(her other granddaughter) since thanksgiving. She told me that this grandchild and her have a special relationship. (She grew up 1/4 mile away)

My mom told me that she could understand why mil was sad. Because mil grandchildren hadn’t moved away from her like my moms grandchildren who live all over the country.

I reminded mom that she shares those grandchildren with my mil. The same ones who live across the country.

Sigh! Thanks for letting me ponder this. I’ve been trying to figure this out and am having a hard time with it.

1265

@deb922 I’m in the same place. I haven’t seen the grandchildren since Christmas (800 miles away) and my mother lives only 60 miles from them. And another daughter is in between here and there. I would love to drive down and see them all. But I could spread the virus to three different communities if I was had it. Or I could carry it between homes. I can be as careful as possible but I can’t prevent every possibility. And if everyone does that much travel it will be a problem overall. Sigh. I wish I knew. I thought about trying to get a test before I go, but in my state, you can’t get a test unless you have been exposed or have symptoms.

1266

I love my mom and my kid too much to go visit either of them. I can’t even imagine how horrid it would be if I caused either of them to get CV19. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

1267

I think it’s reasonable to consider how one could even get infected. Many people have almost no chance of getting it!

If the chances are very slight, GO see your loved ones.

JMO

1268

About drives and hotel stays.

We drove 8 hours (each way!) last Friday and Sunday and stayed two nights in a Marriott AC downtown hotel. (Each way we stopped in one gas station and one rest area).

There was no one else in the lobby when we checked in.

We were upgraded to a suite on the 4th floor. We had requested a low floor, but we happy to accept the suite.

Depending on how many people were around we decided whether to take the stairs or the elevator.

I had one bottle of a cleaning product with me. I used it in the bathroom sink area, but not anywhere else.

We had some food with us, but also did not realize how little food would be available. We only had the one-cup coffee maker in the room and a small refrigerator. The hotel did not have an open restaurant and did not have any lobby coffee. The small shop near the front desk did not have coffee or milk. You could get beer, wine, bottled Starbucks, and snack foods — but nothing really breakfast like. They sold masks!

Basically, there was a sign at the desk indicating the rooms would not be serviced unless there was a specific request and a scheduled time. We did request extra towels on the second day and offered to pick them up in the lobby. They delivered them to the room quickly.

I’m guessing the hotel was less than 25% full.

The staff was good about wearing masks and attending to requests. *The young woman at the desk look appalled when I suggested that corporate should tell the housekeeping staff to stop folding the silly triangles on the TP if we are not supposed to touch things. (I used the restroom near the lobby on arrival).

The rest areas were relatively unoccupied. One had red tape marking off every other stall — and limiting to one of two sinks. I stayed away from hand dryers.

We were planning to do a small socially distant family gathering at a very large beach house next weekend for July 4th in Florida. DH and I were planning to stay in a hotel and visit with family at the beach house— lots of outside time and outdoor meals But, Florida’s rising numbers are beyond reasonable. So, the Florida economy will not be getting our $1500-$1800 hotel stay, nor the associated gas or food sales.

So, now we look forward to the lake house we have rented in mid-August. It is a 3-hour car trip, we can bring all the food we need. The house is waterfront so we have little reason to leave. D2 and BF will be able to drive to join us. D1 and her DH will need to fly, so that’s a decision to be made in a few weeks.

Some day things will be normal again, right?

1269

My friends were going to travel from Colorado to Los Angeles to welcome their first grand baby, a child they haven’t seen yet. They planned to drive, stopping only for gas. But the baby’s parents were very uneasy about the trip. The other grandparents both have health issues, so my friends wouldn’t be able to see them either, even though they really like them. And realistically, they wouldn’t be able to hold the baby. And how fun is that? To see your grandbaby but not be able to get closer than 6 feet? With sadness they’re calling off the visit. Just too much discomfort all around. Facetime will have to suffice.

1270

Wow, just wow.

1271

@abasket, hit our nail on the head; we believe our window for traveling is better now than it might be in the fall/Christmas. We will have safe visits now with bicoastal family and have those memories if it is too risky for the Christmas visits. The 90+ grandparents are delighted; they feared they’d die before having these family visits.

1272

Deb922, I really feel for your situation.

I work with hospitalized COVID patients, and go into rooms, interact closely with those patients using for the most part a surgical face mask, face shield and gown covering my scrubs as well as gloves. My coworkers and I have survived with only one mild case of COVID in our staff early on. If you can travel in one day, mask, distance and handwash carefully, visiting outside, then go. Be careful to never share serving utensils if eating together. Quarantine as much as possible 10 days before visits.

This can eat away at you, and unless you can let go of the angst, just go. My 2 cents, anyhow.

1273

I’m having my sister come tomorrow for three nights. She has been isolating at her home with her husband and three sons plus big dog in a 1200 sq ft house. She’s going crazy. She has been staying home as has her H and kids. I have a few misgivings but I am okay with the risk. I have a 4700 sq ft house with 5 1/2 bathrooms. One guest room is separate from the rest of the house and I might put her in that room. That room has just a sofa bed which is its main drawback. I also have another guest bedroom suite that is as far from my end of the house as you can be. Both those rooms are in parts of my house I never go in. I have a lot of outdoor space where we can be together but distanced. The only room with an issue will be the kitchen. I am considering that we wear masks when we are inside the house. We will go one day and have a backyard masked visit with our other sister who lives in my city. Otherwise we are planning on long walks and getting some exercise. No dinners out.
I’m also having my daughter and her husband plus two dogs over the holiday weekend. I’ve given her some parameters for the visit but I know she will be more difficult to distance from. I’ve already told her that in our family room they will have a couch and we will have the other. Again I’m going to ask that we stay outdoors as much as possible. They would stay in a different section of the house so they will not be in the bedroom or bathroom that my sister used.

I feel like this is the best time for visits. As more things open up and people go back to work it will be more difficult.
Any suggestions as to how to make the visits as safe as possible? I’m well aware that we are taking risks.

1274

Maybe you’ll like Deputy Director of Infectious Diseases at the CDC answer better.

Dr. Jay C. Butler
Butler is the deputy director for infectious diseases at the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta.

“As we head into the summer months, we know that Americans will be looking to reconnect with family and friends, but it is up to each one of us to continue protecting the most vulnerable. Wearing cloth face coverings, staying 6 feet away and keeping our hands clean and disinfected are some of the best ways to protect those at higher risk. But it is very important to consider who you are going to visit. Older adults and people of any age who have serious underlying medical conditions might be at higher risk for severe illness from Covid-19 so consider postponing those visits. You could save a life.”

https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2020/health/reopening-coronavirus/travel_vacation.html

1275

@deb922 , are you saying your husband will only go to one or the other, or is he just balking? If just balking, then I’d put my foot down about visiting my kids, too.

It sounds like you can easily drive, so no worries about hotels there. Can anyone get tested for covid in your state? They can in mine now and I had it done. If so, go get tested for your peace of mind and then continue doing what you have been as it’s obviously working. If not, the 10 days to 14 days before your visit, just be super diligent in all you do and I think you’ll be fine.

If anything you’ll be more at risk in getting it from the kids, like I am when my son and his GF visit this week. I think we all take minimal risks of what we are comfortable with. Just do your best in sitting 6 ft. away during conversations as much as you can. It’s sustained interaction close by. After your visit, just be diligent at home.

@emilybee , I’m sorry but your comment “I love my children too much”, is so uncalled for. Let’s remember, the likelihood of our kids dying from this are incredibly, incredibly slim. Linking your article would have been sufficient in stating your position.

Go see your kids, @deb922 .

1276

I asked for all opinions, so I’m happy that @emilybee chimed in. In fact, what she says is what I wrestle with.

The truth is that my kids aren’t begging us to visit. They get that this is a once in a century pandemic. It’s the older people who whine and complain. It’s them who sometimes I feel have trouble putting the fact that they are vulnerable over their own personal wants.

But the fact is that we’ve let my il’s into our quarantine circle. And I’m feeling like they have put their personal needs in front of their son having a very real disease. His physician told him that he could very likely have a very bad experience if he were to contract the coronavirus. My husband says that you have to decide what is a big risk or what is a small risk. He thinks public places are a bigger risk than seeing family. I’m not sure that I agree with this.

Now my mom is less healthy than my il’s even being the same age. Do I think that if we visit her that we will bring the coronavirus with us? No, we are being very careful. But we don’t know.

So we can’t visit anyone until August. I thought that this summer might provide a short window into visiting family. It seems to me that transmission is as high as it was at the height. I guess I will have to see where things stand, any visit will be at the last minute.

Explaining my husband’s lack of taking vacation is long and complex. I’m not sure I understand it completely after 30+ years. He thinks my mom should come here if she’s having trouble, it’s easier for her to travel than him with work. My mom can’t understand why my husband won’t take vacation when he has so much time. It’s never going to be something the other is going to understand

1277

@emilybee

for all the people here who are struggling with seeing their loved ones, your insinuation that we somehow don’t love our families as much as you do is appalling.

There are people who have to leave their homes and families every single day so that you can stay home. They are putting their lives and their loved ones lives whom they live with at risk every day so that you can stay home. Your comment was completely uncalled for and has no place in this thread.

1278

Exactly.

1279

We’re still visiting family. No regrets. No shame.

For FIL (92 with significant health issues for Covid to kill him, but still a good quality of life in general), we always isolate for 12-14 days prior just to be safe. We have all food bought, our car is gassed up, and we won’t need to stop for the 4 hour trip there. This allows us full contact with hugging, etc, and no worries. It’s worth it to have a normal visit. If we never went to see him he could die of a heart attack and we’d never have the chance again.

Then after returning we’re having med school lad and his girlfriend join us (not FIL) for a week. We all know they could be contaminated. Such is life. We’re taking the risk. Med school lad takes it pretty much every day he goes to the hospital anyway as many of the patients he works with could have it. His GF watches the kids of some doctors most days. They are both very cautious with masks and cleanliness, but there is risk.

We will not impose that risk on FIL, but we will for our lad and his GF as long as they are symptom free.

Everyone gets to make their own choices. As I said before with ours, no regrets, no shame.

1280

Sorry, but what I see and what I’m reading it’s apparent that there are many people who still don’t get that we are in the middle of a deadly pandemic. So much denial everywhere.

I also read the article I posted until after I said why I won’t go see my mom or kid. But, I had heard it said many times by public health officials - so I knew I could find statement supporting my position.

I would love to see my mom. She lives alone and is 91. I would love to see my kid. But I can’t because I love her and it’s not a safe thing to do in a deadly pandemic.