What are you're first thoughts? USC DLAS basic supplement essays

<p>fist short essay-</p>

<p>As a creative being, I try to always challenge my creative existence. Whenever, wherever Im writing, something somewhere. I would love to share an excerpt from a story of mine:The waves crashed horizontally, I could stand right in front of them, and not run away in fear of wetting my now dry feet, but to my surprise, they had came back to me. Unhappy, and roaringly, crashing the shore with all the weight the ocean can carry. I saw everything I had met, when I was the submerged being. The animals and the water crashed into me, wrapping around my legs like a centipede, eating half of me. I thought it would eat all of me, but to my favor it was a high tide. Warm and gritty to feel, my body felt inclined to feel, as the tide settled I became in a trance, by the motionless glass, that was the water. This had once been a progressive force, but now just matte. I’ve never seen the ocean sit still like that. From my feet, to as far out as I could see, there was no motion in the ocean. From there to me, I dropped down to my knees, in awe of what my eyes see. Now waist deep, sitting indian style in a motionless sea, I started to clean, clean all of me. Rubbing the liquid that felt like warm poison, mixed with the notion of intent to heal any person, who didn’t belong in their ocean.</p>

<p>second short essay-</p>

<p>As illustrated through out my application, I embark on and love the art of writing. My enthusiasm and thrill for literature and writing has always been something that defined me in ways I was unable to do so through speech. I can express myself in many ways through my writing. I can be all of me, and not half of me. My love for English has come overtime, not in a moment in time. I hope in the future to create a fantasy film and capture the imaginations of audiences, who are willing to let go of reality and enter a world of pure imagination. Being that USC is inserted in the middle of one of the worlds greatest cities, particularly know for the arts and Hollywood. I hope to peruse my dream of simply creating content. I find the city of Los Angeles to be that of cultural richness and a splendor of dynamics. I am thrilled at the idea of USC’s diverse student body, in which Id be honored to join. I believe that I would later love to peruse film and directing at USC, perhaps a double major. I know it is something my interest and dreams are leading to, in which Im elated about. I believe I have grown into who I have been waiting to be, and my bliss is finally showing, to where I can see it too.</p>

<p>I am a creative writing major btw. If you were an admissions officer, what would you think of this applicant ? :expressionless: </p>

<p>i see people are funny about posting their essays on here…**** THIS HAS BEEN SUBMITTED ALREADY****
what is the difference between emailing 1 stranger it, and showing a lot of strangers at once ? (no difference) lol :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Why do you want the feedback? At this point its not going to change anything.</p>

<p>Nevertheless, I read your essays. You state very clearly that writing is a key part of who you are. Yet you have posted essays with typos and grammatical errors. I hope the submitted essays cleaned that up. Also, english does not appear to be your first language. If that’s the case I suggest you stick to a much more simple writing style. Finally, I don’t understand the first essay.</p>

<p>Grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, and to be honest, your excerpt is not very well-written…</p>

<p>thanks bodangles! :slight_smile: </p>

<p>@bodangles thanks!</p>

<p>@CHD2013 thanks!</p>

<p>@bodangles you know you’re actually quite rude… why? not sure, don’t care. I see you’re a member of the grammar nazi. You’re one of those people who shun content simply bc of errors, which to be honest is pretty lame. I worked out the kinks before I submitted this. This is actually an old copy off my computer… when I read content; I look for the magic and the good in the writers work. I look for the “element of words” and the emotion the writer brings forth… not if a comma is under the rug, or up their butt, or not in its cozy place. Hope you like my lovely awful grammar in this post lol. And to the not “well-written” comment: I know I can’t please everyone and thats ok with me :slight_smile: good day! </p>

<p>LOL! You asked for our “first thoughts.” Sorry you can’t handle honesty. :slight_smile: Good luck when editors tell you the exact same thing.</p>