<p>With D1 we didn’t pay a dime once she graduated. She paid for her own rent, insurance and had a company phone. It is now 3.5 years later and she has relocated back home with no job after a devastating divorce. We are providing housing, food and cell phone costs. She is paying her health and car insurance for now. No idea how long her nest egg will last if she doesn’t find another job here.</p>
<p>S2 makes more than $30,000, but lives in a very expensive city. He has good benefits with his job, so we don’t worry about health insurance. He doesn’t have a car, so doesn’t have those expenses. He pays for all his monthly expenses on his own. We pay for his travel expenses to come home to see us; we also paid his expenses to a family wedding. He needed some new clothes so asked for them for Chanukah; not necessarily a fun gift, but it’s what he wanted.</p>
<p>I would say whatever you feel comfortable and can afford. If your S is working hard and is frugal, I would make sure he has health insurance and a safe place to live. If he lives far away and wants to come home to visit, I would pay for his air fare too.</p>
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<p>Wouldn’t couch surfing just be mooching off of someone else, though not your parents?</p>
<p>We pay none of our kids’ bills. They moved out when they knew they could pay their own bills.</p>
<p>Couch surfing would be ok if you were slipping the owner of the couch a few bucks rent or towards food?</p>
<p>HaHa post #39 – “I paid the kids’ cellphone bills for a very long time, with the condition that they had to talk to me if I called ;-)”</p>
<p>Maybe the cell phone bills should post charge down in the fine print on back of bill with taxes etc: “Parental Access Fee”</p>
<p>After my D graduated, we kept her on our health insurance while she was getting her master’s. now she is on her own insurance and we pay only for her cell, but it is negligible because we have a family plan. Otherwise, she lives here rent free and eats at home about twice a week. She helps out with the occasional errand and driving her brother to activities. Otherwise, we all bond over watching her bank bank balance increase every month. She is saving for a downpayment and I hope to have the fun of real estate shopping with her next year. She doesn’t really cost is anything, helps out when asked, and is rarely home.</p>
<p>S1 was on his own as soon as he graduated. He did have a roommate to share expenses. He had a good job (more than 30K) and no college debt. </p>
<p>S2 (working full time) lived with us for a year after graduation. He probably could have been on his own if he could have found a roommate. While living with us, he paid his cell phone bill, truck insurance, food,clothing gas. Med. insurance is paid by his employer. We did not have him pay rent because his job entails a lot of travel. He was often gone for a month or more at a time.
He’s now living with two roommates. He pays all his expenses. We don’t pay anything for him. He makes well over 30K though and has no college debt.</p>
<p>Kid just graduated, has a good job in a secure field (100K), doesn’t care about money, doesn’t spend much, no debt. Actually, I wouldn’t mind borrowing some from him. But we still keep him on our cell phone plan because if it only costs us $30/mo for a data plan, why should we kick him off and have him pay double? We keep him on our health insurance, as it costs nothing extra. Why would we kick him off it to pay for a costly, crummy plan elsewhere? We use airmiles to get him free tickets to visit us, as why should he pay for what we can get for free?</p>
<p>Sure, my parents didn’t pay for anything once we were out of the house. They didn’t have the money to spare, they didn’t have the options for insurance and airmiles the way we do. It’s not that my kid actually asks for anything, but if I can get it cheaper or free, why not? I don’t think responsible people need to get further lessons in responsibility, it’s just taking care of family. I would do the same thing for my parents or sister if I could and they desired it.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s the economy in many cases. Kids who are responsible and frugal will do well and if so inclined, will save even if they’re not in high-paying jobs. One niece didn’t get a job in her field until she’d been out of school for 2 years. In the meantime, she worked at the retail job she’d had all through HS and college, saving every spare cent, while living with a roommate and driving an older car. When she got her first “real” job, she continued the retail job on weekends, still saving.</p>
<p>After being out of college for 5 years, she now owns a house and a new car, both of which she made down payments for out of her savings. She never asked, or expected, money from either parent. </p>
<p>I think it’s up to families to decide how much to keep supporting their kids after college. But the idea that today’s kids “can’t” because it’s “too hard” isn’t really the case. But I recognize that the average family isn’t on CC.</p>
<p>D is working a retail job until she moves to the West Coast in the spring; hopefully once she gets settled out here in whatever her real job turns out to be, she’ll be able to pay full fare. </p>
<p>In the meantime, she pays rent, food, utilities, gas, cell phone, and fun money. </p>
<p>We pay for health insurance and maintenance on the car. When she got car/renter’s insurance last summer, we paid for the full year. We’ll probably pay for the next year as well, as she probably won’t be completely on her feet by May. Once she’s settled, she’ll take over her car insurance for sure, and probably car stuff. We will keep paying her health insurance for a time. </p>
<p>The only thing that hasn’t really been assigned is airfare (of which there have only been 2 or 3 instances). Generally we split it more or less 50-50. She will definitely pick that up once she moves, especially since it’ll be so much cheaper.</p>
<p>When I graduated from the college, my parents have to support three younger siblings. I was not getting any subsidies from my parents except they guaranteed/cosigned my auto loan. I got into trouble financially because I bought an expensive car and with a high rent, I had to dig myself out without any support.</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t couch surfing just be mooching off of someone else, though not your parents?” </p>
<p>In my opinion, couch surfing is much more self-sufficient than living with mom and dad. The relationship between friends is usually a lot different than a child and parents - nobody is going to cook you dinner or provide luxury accomodations. It’s also clearly a very short-term arrangement. And it still involves figuring out all the logistics of your living situation vs. just coming ‘home’ to your old bedroom.</p>
<p>I am just not at all a fan of adults living with their parents, whether they pay rent, are trying to save money, or anything else. As I said, there are always exceptions (extremely serious medical condition, etc.) and special circumstances. It’s just a personal opinion, but I feel pretty strongly about it. For example, I wouldn’t be interested in a guy who was being subsidised by his parents out of college (other than maybe very minor stuff, like occasional gifts or a little cash or something), and it has nothing to do with money - it’s the attitude I don’t like.</p>
<p>If parents can afford it, it would be very good to pay for trips to be with family - visiting parents, grandparents, siblings, family weddings. Young people have little time off. Luckily, they have youthful energy. Most don’t mind flying in for a weekend but often can not do it economically.They often (have to?) make their arrangements rather last minute. It’s important not to be too “judgey” re: cost/details</p>
<p>The funny thing is that sometimes last minute fares are cheap, if the person is flexible and doesn’t mind a layover or weird routing. My sis flew in her D for a shorter than 48 hour visit, because that was all the time she could get off from the hospital. She was happy to it, even though it cost a TON of points with the airline.</p>
<p>It has always made me crazy that my kids wouldn’t commit until the last second, but we finally realized that their lives are rather in flux and they honestly have no idea what their schedule will be like until close to the time.</p>
<p>You can’t recapture experiences and time together. :)</p>
<p>“It has always made me crazy that my kids wouldn’t commit until the last second, but we finally realized that their lives are rather in flux and they honestly have no idea what their schedule will be like until close to the time.”</p>
<p>That is why I ALWAYS get them airmiles tickets, with Delta. With our medallion status, it doesn’t cost anything to change or cancel the tickets, as long as you do it three days prior. My kids are never totally sure, and sometimes they want to change it a day here or there. It would drive me crazy if I was purchasing tickets and had to pay a change fee, but this way we can be flexible. I never buy them a ticket if I can help it.</p>
<p>Both my kids have spent some time living with us–while saving for a place, doing repairs, temporary housing–that kind of thing. We’re fortunate in that our guest room has its own entrance (it’s over the garage) so that we don’t end up tracking their movements. I find I like having them around, and I don’t think it makes them less or more independent. My DD is currently staying with us while trying to get a new business off the ground; she’s putting the money she would be paying in rent into equipment and advertising. Results already, and I love watching the process. (She does have a day job, and she pays her utilities.)</p>
<p>I would have been horrified if I’d had to live at home after leaving for college, but I’m delighted to be able to help my kids when they need it. It’s made me look at other cultures–Italy comes to mind–where extended families weave huge networks and it’s taken for granted that families help each other when needed. I want to have that kind of family long term.</p>
<p>Cell phone–much cheaper on the family plan so we never changed it.</p>