I don’t think she realizes anything is wrong with her, and if she does, she doesn’t care. I remember when I was 6 years old and I told my mom I would tell my teacher at school that she was beating me, and she told me that she and my dad would go to jail if I did that and then the police would take me. She made it sound like the police would do worse things to me than my mom, so I never told anyone. When I was 11 I was thinking about telling my counselor, but I wrote that I would do that in my diary. She read my diary and told me I would be homeless if I did that. By the time I realized she was lying to me, I didn’t think I had a good chance of getting adopted as a teen and thought I’d be better off leaving after high school. My regrets are telling my mom that I was going to tell my teacher and not just telling my teacher. Then maybe I wouldn’t have had the childhood that I had or be in this situation.
I don’t know, I really wanted to leave Omaha right after high school, and I’d do nearly anything to be able to do that.
I work at Walmart as a cashier. I don’t know exactly how much money I’d need to make to be financially independent, but I currently make $11.73 an hour. I plan on majoring in computer science and I want a job related to coding, programming, or software developing.
If you’re only looking at tuition for UNO, then why aren’t you looking at tuition for Doane as well? Tuition for Doane is $34k. When you add scholarships for both colleges, I’d be paying $6k for both in tuition.
The information that you’re providing is very confusing. Here are some questions:
Are you a U.S. citizen or a Permanent Resident?
For the purposes of tuition, are you considered to be a resident of the State of Nebraska, with in-state tuition?
You received a financial aid award letter from Doane. What is the breakdown?
Home much in federal grants
How much in State grants
How much in Federal direct subsidized loans
How much in Federal direct unsubsidized loans
How much in Parent Plus loans
How much in Doane scholarships & grants
How much in outside scholarships
Setting aside your assertions about your home life, the reality is that if you need your parents (it doesn’t matter if one is the ultimate decision-maker) to pay, then you’re going to be bound by whatever constraints that they set forth. From all that you’ve said so far, it sounds like the University of Nebraska at Omaha is the least expensive option (by far). But, you want to go to Doane. While your reasons for wanting something over and above what’s financially feasible may be valid, it doesn’t change reality.
Based on what you’ve said, it sounds like your mom has done the math. You’ve got a lot of blanks (missing info), and maybes (e.g. ‘maybe I can get into the program that will allow me to graduate in 3 years…,’ or ‘maybe I can live off campus and save a lot of money.’). Still, in all of those maybes, it still reads like your parents have to pay. Which means they have to agree. And, it sounds like they don’t.
It sounds like you want to be treated like an adult, and be allowed to make the adult decisions. That might mean making some hard decisions. Your parents don’t have to pay more for a private university because you want them to. But, if YOU can figure out how to pay for your private university, after turning 18, knock yourself out. You could, for example, move out of your parents’ home, get a job (perhaps one that offers tuition reimbursement), pay for your own living expenses and educational expenses. To do so, you might have to start off at community college, or at the less expensive state university part-time, or take a gap year or two to work and save-up enough money. You can put your college plans on hold, enlist in the military, then pursue your education during your service or after. If it’s independence that you crave, you can certainly have it. You just can’t always have it in half-measures, where you get to call all the shots, and Mom & Dad get to break out their checkbook, and otherwise shut-up.
Are they including a bunch of other stuff in there besides tuition because if tuition is 8K and they’re giving you 2K it’s 6K… what is the other 8K?? There is usually a line item for “personal” expenses that is typically 2-3K and then $1000 for books.
I apoligize if the numbers are confusing. According to UNO, Room and Board is $7k. By staying at home, I spend $0 on room and board, making the cost $16k. Then I have the $2k scholarship, making it $14k.
UNO is a better school. It’s cheaper too. Unless you can afford to live on your own and pay your own way, you should stay in Omaha. You can graduate with zero debt. Get a marketable degree, and after a mere 4 years (3 if you go in the summer) you can move on with the rest of your life.
Many families make the same decision. We ‘made’ our younger son stay at our local university (Michigan) because it was 1/3rd the cost of other schools he wanted to attend. Now that he is graduating (debt free) he realized that that was the best decision. Michigan was a better ranked school anyway.
Just spend as much time on campus as possible so your Mom does not interfere with your schoolwork. If you go to grad school, and when you enter the workforce, you will be on your own. You will just be a commuter student, lots of schools have them.
According to the link you shared room and board at UNO is $10,196, not 7K. You can also ignore that $2478 for personal expenses and $1358 for Travel. Those aren’t expenses you’re billed and can easily be reduced. Basically it’s money you’re already spending now.
So, $9256 for tuition plus books (you can probably get books cheaper than what they’re allowing too) - 2K = $7256, not 14K.
Now, run the same exercise with Doane.
$46,100 for tuition, room and board and books - 28K scholarship = $18,100…$10,844/year more than UNO
Four years at UNO - $29,024
Four years at Doane - $72400
Now. I totally think you need to get away from you mom. I’m just arguing against your assertion that Doane is the better (or equal) choice financially.
For the University of Nebraska Omaha, which is you? A or B?
a) Resident off-campus: Tuition, $7752 + Books, $1120 = $8872-$2000 (grant)= TOTAL $6872 cost of attendance estimate
OR…
b) Out-of-State Off-Campus: Tuition, $16,374 + Books, $1120 = $17,494-$2000 (grant)= TOTAL: $15,494 cost of attendance estimate
For Doane–
The total (estimated) Cost of Attendance is $49,470 (when you add in the fees + room & board. You may be able to get room and board somewhat cheaper, but not likely significantly cheaper without adding costs elsewhere).
$49,470 Total COA - $28k in aid (which likely includes loans) = a $21,470 gap that somebody needs to pay. Can you parents pay the $21,470, and are they willing to, on top of the loans that are likely already packaged with the $28k?
OP is correct on the “living at home” numbers from UNO. However, the full COA at Doane is $49,470 (or something like that with personal expenses, books, fees). With the $28K scholarship, there is still about a $7,500 cost over UNO. You would not be paying less. You aren’t comparing the right costs… That is a lot of money and not clear where it will come from. What are your reasons for Doane besides getting away from your family/mom? You need some academic reasons for choosing a less well- known, less well-regarded college over UNO.
It seems like whichever school you choose, you need your parent’s money to attend.
Did you apply to UN Lincoln? Or can you transfer there after freshman year?
Many kids work and move out after freshman year. I believe that once you are 18 you can open your own bank account and have your paycheck deposited there. But even at $11 per hour you would need to work a lot to pay over $21,000 for Doane or rent and food to move out. Maybe a better approach is to try and work things out with your mom and set new ground rules for you as a college student and then try to move out after sophomore year.
Ah…I see the living from home option with the 3K for meals, but I assumed that living at home she was also going to be eating there. I’m guessing that’s what her mom is thinking.
Once you graduate from high school, why not use your Walmart benefit of near-free tuition ($1 a day)? You could get an online computer science (or other) degree while working full-time. Depending on the cost of housing in Omaha, you might be able to afford to move out of your family’s home into a shared apartment.
It really sounds like there’s a lot more to this story than what we’re hearing. You refer to that bank account as “yours.” Unless you had a job all this time and earned that money, it rightfully belongs to your parents. Of course she’s not going to give you the banking information! If You were my kid, I wouldn’t give you that either.
Second, that’s some pretty negative stuff you’re saying about your mother! It’s just wrong to bash your mother online. Maybe it’s true, or maybe it’s not. It’s still wrong to do that. There are ways to solve these things without smearing people.
Third, she’s paying for your college, dude. Like all parents paying for college, they have veto power. If they say you go to the local university, then that’s where you go, and be thankful you did. Reading your original post, your math was way out into left field. There’s no way UNO could possibly be cheaper than Doane. After your scholarship, the cost still comes out to the price of an out of state university…and that’s not including room and board. In all likelihood, she would have to co-sign large amounts of private student loans for you to finish your degree.
It sounds like you might need to swallow a little pride and listen to your mother.
He does have a job and his check is direct deposited into the account. Just because his mom’s name is on the account too doesn’t mean it’s not his money. Minor’s can’t open checking accounts without someone else’s name on the account.
I’m a mid-thirties adult on this forum applying to graduate school. I don’t have kids (so this isn’t coming from the perspective of a parent), but I have certainly picked myself up and taken charge of my life from a very young age. Don’t be afraid of adulting. If you really want to leave Omaha no matter what (understandably–it frankly sounds like an abusive situation) and you don’t mind some hard work, this is what I would advise:
Take the above suggestion given and become an emancipated minor. Google the subject, then email your guidance counselor, explain the situation in full, and they should be able to help you with the process.
Go to the HR department at Walmart and split direct deposits between your current joint account and a brand new account that you’re going to open in your name only. It would be helpful if this was a bank with a wider reach than just Omaha–branches in Lincoln and Crete are key. This goes without saying, but don’t tell your mom.
Then get out of your house and find a cheap apartment in Lincoln. There’s a Walmart there, so you should be able to transfer your position. Once you’ve moved, you’ll get to deposit the whole paycheck into your account.
Register for classes at Southeast Community College, which is not only one of the best community colleges in the country, but isn’t all that far from Doane, so you can still immerse yourself in the culture should you still want to go there. A 15 credit semester at Southeast Community College is only going to cost you $1,665, making this your least expensive option thus far. Plus, you pay per credit at community college ($111 per credit at SCC), so if working to support yourself and taking a full course load is too much, you can always go down to part time. When I was working and going to CC, I found 12 credit hours to be about all I could handle, but I know folks who worked 40 hours a week and juggled 18! It’s all about what you can handle. Just make sure that you’re taking only Gen Eds (like World History, English Composition, etc.) so that your credits easily transfer.
After a year, take those credits and reapply to Doane as a transfer (or any school you want, really–University of Nebraska, Lincoln is a great school). Your new, lower self-supplied income will qualify you for need-based grants, which means that your college situation will be even more affordable. You’ll be out of your house and well on your way to the coding job you want.
I know it sounds like a lot, but it’s actually all very doable. I should know; this is how I scooted through college. I spent a year at Bunker Hill Community College as I lived below the poverty line, left with a 4.0, transferred to University of Massachusetts, Amherst with a nearly full ride, and now I have offers from a handful of incredible schools to complete my Masters.
If you’d really do anything to leave Omaha, then do. Act. Seriously. You can pull yourself out if you’re willing to work hard enough.