@coolguy40 , did you miss the post in which OP states she/he has been beaten by the mother? It’s wrong for parents to beat their children. Did you miss the several posts in which OP states clearly that she/he works at Walmart as a cashier? Why should the mother be allowed to deny the student access to her/his own money?
Well, then that makes the bank argument completely irrelevant to anything, except for a power struggle…seriously! The fact still remains. Trying to convince parents to attend a school that they can’t afford is a losing battle, and all the online bashing won’t make it affordable.
FYI, some normally useless trivia that is extremely important in this case.
Nebraska is the one state where you aren’t an adult until 19. 18th birthday means nothing there, no different than being 12. So no bank account or lease in your own name. Also parents will have to sign housing contract, etc. at Doane even if birthday is before school starts.
That’s helpful info for the OP. I wonder if that means OP can seek emancipation from their parents up until 19 as well?
OP, do you have a guidance counselor at school or another trusted adult who you can discuss these things with?
How is that irrelevant? Maybe the OP has a fair amount of money socked away in that account that could help get him out of the house?
OP- hugs to you.
If you are working, you can get control over your wages. People change banks all the time and their employers know how to switch from direct deposit at one institution to another. Your Dad may be afraid of your mom, but he is your parent, and the two of you can walk into any bank in Omaha and open a new account for you. You will need your social security number which presumably you have. You may need to kiss the money in your mom-controlled account goodbye, but you can switch banks by the very next pay period. Nobody at work will blink at your request; if your store does not have an HR manager, the store manager or your shift supervisor can tell you how to get in touch with the regional office so you can switch banks.
Your options are NOT live at home and be miserable, or go to a college which it looks like you cannot afford and be happy. You can take a gap year- ask Doane if you can wait a year to start. Is there a family member who will let you live there for a year? You’ll be able to save money by extending your hours (maybe full time?) but you get out of your house. Does the religious figure from your church/denomination if you have one know about programs which will allow you to work or volunteer somewhere else where your expenses and travel get paid? Your guidance counselor and principal may know of some of these programs as well.
If you don’t earn enough to pay taxes, but you work at Walmart- I have good news for you. You will be getting a refund! Walmart has been taking taxes out of every paycheck, and you will likely be getting some of that back. You’re a smart kid- go online and read about how easy it is to file. Make sure you have another bank account opened by the time you get your refund check so you have a place to deposit it.
It’s time to get your Dad moving on your behalf. He doesn’t have to say a word to your mom- but 20 minutes at a bank branch, armed with your social security number, is not too much to ask of a parent.
Good luck to you.
Assuming I go to Doane for 4 years, it is more expensive. But I’m planning on going for 3. – https://www.doane.edu/three-year-graduation-program – UNO doesn’t have a program like this. They haven’t accepted me yet because I only applied yesterday, but I fit into all the eligibility requirements, so there’s no reason I wouldn’t be accepted. I can also move into an apartment to save money for room and board. Besides being able to get out of this house and being able to graduate early, I also get to do band and wrestle at Doane.
Unless I borrow loans or win more scholarships, yes.
UNL is another story and I chose not to mention it because it may or may not cost me more than UNO. I did apply to UNL and I also got accepted, and I am willing to go there over UNO, but even though they’ve offered me more money I may or may not pay more than UNO. I’m trying to get a band scholarship for UNL. If I do audition and get accepted to do band there, I don’t know how much scholarship money they’d offer me. If UNL were to pay about $1.5k extra for me to do band, it’d be cheaper than UNO, but I’m still trying to sort out UNL.
I’ve tried to sort things out with my mom, believe me, but I believe moving away is the best option since she won’t ever cooperate. I don’t know anything about transferring. Can someone who transfers still be able to get scholarships for the college they are transferring to? If not, then that’d cost even more money then if I just went there right away.
Right, wrong, or indifferent, as a minor, his or her parent has the legal standing to do what the OP has described with regard to the bank account.
Personally, for most cases, I’m skeptical of intent when parents do this. However, I know of some situations where parents who do this, and it’s not so black-and-white. One parent does it because the teen has a propensity for buying and using drugs. The parents make the teen work, the money goes into an account, and teen has no access to it. In another case, the kid isn’t any trouble, but it’s more cultural. The teen works, money goes into jointly owned account that parents control (and the parents spend it, because they consider it to be family money), and kid gets no say in how that money is spent or allocated, but gets an allowance. This carries on into adulthood, until the kids marries. And, these are both fairly well-off families.
I think the allegations of abuse are more problematical. The OPs statements can certainly be taken at face value. However, in reality, it’s almost always the case that there is more to the story, and the evolution here certainly seems to support that. This is the internet, this is one side of a narrative that involves a teenager not getting what they want. It’ strikes me as ‘premature’ to tell someone, sans reasonable evidence, that their parent is abusive, and they need to pursue emancipation.
For example: Some years back, a young neighbor (under 10) ran into my backyard screaming and crying that her Mom had “hurt” her and was threatening her. I was stunned! I took her right in, texted her parents to say that she was there, and safe with me, and not to come over. It turns out… Yes, her mom had hurt her. Her mom had grabbed her arm, and jerked her towards her, as she was attempting to run away, got in her face, and told her something akin to, "If you ever throw something at me again… " Little neighbor reluctantly told me that, in a fit of rage, she picked up a heavy ceramic mug, filled with hot coffee, and threw it at her Mom’s back after her Mom took away her electronics, and cancelled a sleepover, because she’d refused to clean her room (after being asked many times). Mom had a burn on her shoulder and neck. Dad spanked (open hand to fully-clothed butt three times) Little Neighbor when he got home, then made her apologize and clean her room. In some circles, that’s abuse. In some circles that discipline. She went to school and told her teacher that her Dad beat her, repeating the exact same story. Her teacher was a mandated reporter. CPS interviewed witnesses and did a home visit, got the exact same story and closed the investigation with no actions against the parents.
It’s not lack of care, it’s lack of “full story” and “perspective”. I’m not personally a spanker, but my kid has literally NEVER thrown something at me, hit me, or blatantly defied me. Non-spanking Nomatter might have grabbed & “beat” LittleMatter real quick, had he thrown a tantrum that resulted in burns and a damaged wall. Then, he might be on CC telling people that I abused him. He might or might not be right. Matter of perspective.
This is a really helpful reply, but I still have a few questions. If I become an emancipated minor, will I still be able to finish and graduate from high school? Will I still live at home until I’m 18, or will I be taken away and put in foster care? Does becoming an emancipated minor allow me to have more financial aid? According to my FAFSA, I’m not eligible for need-based scholarships.
If I take classes at SECC, how do I know if all of the courses I’m taking are regionally accredited? I’d hate to take classes only to find out that 4-year colleges won’t accept some of them. Are all classes at SECC regionally accredited, or is there a way to find out which ones are? Also, part of the $28k Doane offered me was to do Band and Wrestling. Do you think I could still do those things if I transferred?
How do you transfer with a full ride? Was this full ride you got due to your grades at the community college or due to other factors?
I’ve heard of this, but never really thought about it. If I remember what I read about this benefit correctly, I have demonstrate financial need, but I don’t according to my FAFSA. However, combining replies, if I became an emancipated minor and then demonstrated financial aid, maybe I’d be eligible. Or maybe I would be eligible if I moved out?
I can try to ask my dad to help me set up a new account, and I’ll let go of the money in my current bank account if I have no other option, but I really don’t want to. I’ve worked for almost a year, slept 3 hours a night on weekdays just to finish homework late at night after my shifts, consuming up to 550 mg of caffeine per day to stay awake. I don’t want to let all that hard work go without a fight.
I have no other family. Like I said, I’m a first generation student from an immigrant family. All my other family members are either in Europe or Africa, and if I do have any in the US, I don’t know who or where they are. I don’t really have a church because I’m not aloud to go to church (but that’s another story). Maybe I could join one after leaving the house?
That’s helpful info about Walmart. I’ll keep that in mind.
Thank you for your reply, it was pretty helpful
@GMDPPC You’ll need to check into it more thoroughly, but as far as I can tell, you might need to complete a FAFSA, but you would be eligible for Walmart benefits even if you aren’t eligible for federal benefits. I don’t think demonstrated need is a requirement. For those people eligible for a Pell grant, Walmart will use that before chipping in for the rest of the tuition. For those not Pell-eligible, I believe Walmart will pay the entire tuition (minus the $1 a day).
@gmdppc – sorry you are in this situation. here’s my thoughts of a mom who has a senior who lives in your town. I’m hoping you are focusing on how to Support Yourself as an adult in a few years. It’s hard work to get to that point. But think about it. If you really focused, in 4 years from now you could get a great job, pull a good income and live where ever you want.
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UNO - if you are a NE resident and US citizen - you’ll only pay for tuition and fees. You will NOT be charged for room and board if you live at home. Tuition and fees at UNO is around $8- 9K per year. We know a ton of kids who go to UNO because it has good programs and it is inexpensive. Most live at home. Some get apartments their sophomore years; some freshman years and pay for these from their work $ and savings.
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Your mom probably doesn’t want to take out a ton in loans. Doanne is expensive for you and your family. You personally can only take out around $5500 a year. Your parents would need to co-sign for other loans to cover the costs, or pay those costs out of pocket. Many Many parents say NO to this. I’m saying NO to my kid for parental loans.
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Look carefully at your W2 Statement from Walmart. If you do not have one, request one. Why? because you may get money back if they took out taxes. My senior is getting back $400 from his jobs this year. Look in specifically in BOX 2. If you have a number there, you get that money back.
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Metro Community College is awesome with beginning computer science classes and is very cheap. Those classes transfer to UNL and UNO. They might enable you to get jobs around town during school that pay a lot more than Walmart once you have taken a few classes. I think they are half price for High school kids the summer following graduation. Metro has a ton of good classes that transfer. I can’t emphasize that enough.
I am truly sorry you are in this situation. I’m sorry money is so prevalent in all of our lives. I’m sorry you are unsupported at your home. I hope things get better in the next few years for you.
With everything going on with shut-downs; school out; and the virus, things are topsy turvy and unsure. I have no idea about courts right now for becoming emancipated. But I’d be glad to help in any way I can.
If I request my W2 Statement and get back some money, will that money go to my bank account? I have no control of my bank account, so all that money would basically go to my mom, and I may never see that money again. Can I wait until I either get control of my bank account or until I get another bank account before requesting it? Is there a certain amount of time I have before I’m not able to take it anymore?
You say I can get jobs that will pay a lot higher than Walmart. How much higher are we talking?
I appreciate your help
You have a lot of research to do.
- Emancipated minor. This is a request to a court to declare you legally an adult. You must show you can support yourself. No you would not live at home and no you would not be in foster care, you would support yourself. Most kids working at Walmart cannot do that.
If living at home is unbearable, then you should probably be in foster care. Foster care in some states goes beyond 18 years old.
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If Nebraska’s age of majority is 19 (I know Mississippi is 19), then that is for state things, not federal. NE can set the age to get married at 19, age to get a driver’s license without a parent’s signature, but doesn’t change federal things like voting in a presidential election or getting a bank account at a federally chartered bank. That SS card is still the golden ticket at 18.
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The money in the bank account, or any of your possessions probably does belong to your mother. Most everything of the child belongs to the parents while they are minors. Parents can use it for ‘support’ and that has a wide diffinition. Some states have laws protecting the child’s earnings, but even in those states the parents can use a good portion of the money. See California laws about child actors.
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People are giving you a lot of advice about hiding your documents from your parents so you can escape. Unless you get yourself emancipated (and it is really VERY difficult to do), you will likely need your parents to fill out FAFSAs until you are 24, even just for federal loans. Make sure you really want to be separated from your family. If your mother is beating you in violation of the law, do call for help. You may be put in foster care (and your siblings) but if the situation is bad, that’s the best place for your physical safety.
If you are in foster care, you will be able to be independent for FAFSA filings. That may be your best option.
I assume you are a US citizen or at least have a Green card since you are working and have a bank account (those require SSN). That should make you eligible for instate tuition in NE.
- You can file your taxes to get any withholding back until Oct 15, and it will go into the bank account you specify, or you can request a hard check or a prepaid visa card. After that I think you have to do an amended return. However, make sure your parent hasn’t already filed in your name. I filed my kids’ taxes for years (with their knowledge) and had the refunds deposited into their accounts (joint accounts with me on them). I would not be surprised if there is a withholding that your mother has already filed.
I second that emancipation is not an easy answer. You have to prove that you can live financially independent from your parents (which you cannot do right now). Emotionally, it would likely tank any chance that your mom would pay for your college.
Back to bank accounts. Again, try to get access of yours. Try to set up an online account (at least to see how much you have) or withdraw it in a check. When my kids were minors, but I was the top owner of the account (and they each had student accounts under my account, which was just a holding account, no money in it), they got debit cards, checks, and could do whatever they wanted without my authorization. Now maybe this is how I set it up, but You can walk into the bank with your ID and ask these questions. ALSO…my kids, as minors and account holders, could cash checks at the bank. Can you change your WalMart pay to a check or does it have to be direct deposit? You can also do this with your tax refund…walk in and cash it, and save the cash (or better yet put it into an account that your dad helps set up).
Another idea for jobs would be at a restaurant, where you could get tipped in cash, but this is not going to work right now due to the coronavirus. Another good job for older teens that involves large cash tips is golf caddy (again, doesn’t help you at this particular bad time, but idea for the future). Some more doable options for right now or summer might be lawn service in your neighborhood.
Wow, I didn’t know that’s emancipated meant. Yea I don’t think I can do that anytime soon. But it is good to hear that federal stuff can still be done at age 18. That’s what I thought at first, but then I questioned myself when that other user brought up the fact that 19 is the legal age of an adult in my state. By the way, I am a US citizen, and my parents are also US citizens.
So unless I declare that I am legally an adult as a minor, or go to Foster care, I have to have my parents fill out my FAFSAs even when I am actually legally an adult? If I remember correctly, I filled out my FAFSA this year with my dad only. Is it possible to do this with only one parent when I’m in college?
How do I know if my mom already filed in my name?
I can change my Walmart pay to check form, but I think my mom would notice since I get paid every two weeks and she checks how much money I’ve made every month. If she saw that the money somehow stopped, she’d probably find out something’s up. But the tax refund thing is definitely something I’ll try.
I’ve thought about restaurant jobs, but I wasn’t sure if they were really that stable. You could get paid $3.25 an hour and might only get a few bucks in tips. Or you could get lucky and have a whole party of people each tipping $10 each. It seems like a gamble to me – not that I’m completely turning it down, but I just want to be sure that I’d at least be making more money per week or even per month at a restaurant than I would at Walmart before jumping ship. And for Caddie Golf, I’ve never ever thought of having that be my job. Once again, not turning it down, but I just want some assurance and some sort of stability.
Is there any way to prove the abuse? Do you have siblings who would be willing to testify to your mom’s abuse? Friends or teachers? Is your home in a traditional neighborhood with houses close together? If so, maybe there are neighbors who have heard or seen the abuse? Do not count on your dad testifying against your mom, he has chosen sides and is too afraid to step up now.
It is important as we posters help you to know if you are a U.S. citizen. It does make a difference for the advice we give. This is an anonymous, safe place, and most of us believe your story.
Think hard about options for leaving your family. Prepare well, document abuse if possible, find friends who can help, get as much money from your own bank account as you can.
The advice about your documents is vitally important. You can go to a government office and request a certified birth certificate. And hopefully you have possession of social security card. And drivers license.
Explore what services for foster care are available for you. Honestly, the college costs for foster kids is much lower. But as an older kid, you will want to reach out to some groups or organizations that can help you bridge into adulthood. Maybe a church could “adopt” you and give you some of the kindness you have been missing from your own family. And when you are able, be sure to take advantage of any counseling you qualify for. Sadly, the cycle of abuse is likely to continue into the next generation unless you make the effort to Relearn what appropriate behavior looks like. How to handle conflict in a civil manner.
You will only get one chance to leave home, and if your mom discovers your plan before you get out, it will be even worse for you while you are stuck at home.
Education can happen in lots of ways. But education at your most liked college is not your main priority. Getting out of your awful home life is most important thing to focus on. Until you start taking college courses, you can delay college for a year and work to save money.
Good luck to you. Keep asking questions here. Keep learning all you need to know to understand your options.
I do have an older brother who has autism (but it’s not severe to the point where he can’t talk). He could testify, and he too, is abused in the house, but not as much as I currently am. Our house is connected to three other houses, and I can usually hear yelling and sometimes even hitting or throwing going on even when I’m outside of the house, so I’m sure at least some of the neighbors know that the house isn’t very safe. I was also thinking about recording the audio that goes on at my house using my phone, but I don’t know if it’s legal for me to do that, and I definitely wouldn’t want to prove that I broke the law in court while trying to prove that my mom abuses everyone in the house.
How much could I save through foster care? And yes, I am a US citizen, and so are my parents and my brother.
I’m choosing to end the cycle of abuse. When I grow up, I’m going to give my kids the childhood that I never had.
Thanks for your help. I’ll keep posting until I know everything I need to know and make a decision.