<p>^^ My D definitely did not want the fishbowl effect. She was looking for a certain type of student in her college search - kind of quirky (in an emo-quirky way, not a Birkenstock-quirky way), not a partier, and serious-ish students. She found it easier to find “her people” at large urban schools where there were just lots of groups and sub-cultures to choose from. (Also, those large urban schools attracted a lot of emo bands and emo concerts. Bonus!)</p>
<p>It’s a good thing there are so many different kinds of colleges and universities, since there are so many different kinds of kids…</p>
<p>I’d agree with a fishbowl, my oldest attended a private LAC that had fewer students than her sister’s inner city high school. I think it would seem claustrophobic to some people. But D#1 had attended a very small prep school so it didnt seem that way to her.</p>
<p>When a college has fewer than 1500 students, It limits the numbers of divisions in departments and classes offered. It may be more difficult to get an interesting club or event going because you don’t have enough critical mass.</p>
<p>But it can also be an opportunity to participate in more things.
When D#1 toured, she felt * I have found my people!*
Even though she had attended a teeny private school, it was only the last two years of high school that she took true advantage of all they offered. In college she led support groups, was a mentor to younger students and participated on campus to a greater extent than I think she would have at a larger school.</p>
<p>Her sister i think wouldn’t have had as many difficulties at a smaller school, she has really struggled not because of “partying” issues but because it is very difficult to accept help or even admit she needs it. But she wanted the energy of a larger campus including more diversity than you often find at an LAC. I’ve just accepted that it will take more than four years.</p>
<p>My S2 failed four classes in his first semester and still managed to graduate in four years…how’s that for personal growth? </p>
<p>Actually, it kind of was a factor. He was always the kid who hated to talk to people he didn’t know…even at McDonalds!
He was forced to be more organized, work harder, learn to study,sit in the front of the class and take part in discussions and most of all take responsibility for his actions. If he hadn’t done all that plus some, he would have failed out by the end of freshman year. </p>
<p>Both my S’s went to big state u’s. Both were assigned an advisor in their major when they went for orientation and kept same advisor through graduation. </p>
<p>S1’s major was in one of the smallest Depts. at the university (of over 30,000). S1 was his advisor’s sole freshman advisee the year S1 entered college. His advisor helped him tremendously throughout his four years. It is possible to get good assistance/advice at big state u. but the kid has to be assertive enough to ask for it.</p>
<p>Well, our kids haven’t had a major fight with us yet. D has failed courses, UGH, but S hasn’t. Neither of them have worked for food service–mainly, they can’t stand on their feet for the duration of a single shift due to medical issues. Both of them did mature by working at various jobs while in college. Both of them attended a very large private U and matured at their experiences there. Neither rushed a frat/sorority, but that doesn’t appear to have impaired them to date. D has always been & remains the better socializer of the two, but both are able to make and keep good friends.</p>
<p>Time certainly is a factor, as well as the kid WANTING to mature and being around others who are in the process of maturing with him/her.</p>
<p>Oddly, both have full-time jobs and are living on their own, at 26 and 23. And they both graduated from college. One even has a master’s degree.</p>
<p>If I get your hope/concern, cbug, it’s much the same as mine – you have a son who could go either way in college – and you hope that the school he chooses will bring out the best in him. I think you’re on the right track in choosing a LAC. </p>
<p>I know my son (HS class of 2014) would be lost in a big school. I think if you have a school that values learning; will know if he doesn’t show up to class; offers classes where 15-20 kids sit around a table, talking with a professor, he will feel wanted and valued and he will shine.</p>
<p>To answer your question (what college experiences lead to personal growth) I don’t think it’s experiences as much as it’s a culture – the right college will make your kid feel safe, okay for who he is and how he thinks, and able to try new things. The wrong environment means he feels lost, he feels like nobody knows who he is, and nobody really cares if he learns or not.</p>
<p>I’m 0 for 3 also personally, but I’ve done bad enough in a class to feel bad about it and I’ve worked long enough (nearly 2 years) at a minimum wage job. Don’t talk with my parents enough/parents don’t have unreasonable enough expectations of me to have a major fight with them, but almost 2/3 is close enough I figure.</p>
<p>cbug, my D attends a small inclusive LAC. Besides the academic growth and exploration and the four extra years of maturity, she’s had a specific opportunity to grow her leadership skills which should help her when she gets out into the “real world.” </p>
<p>As a freshman, she joined the on-campus college version of her nearly life-long EC. With each year, she’s gotten more involved, moving beyond participation to leadership. In the process, she’s learning skills which will serve her well no matter what she does after graduation: Working with a group of people toward a common goal, visioning and long-range planning, teaching and correcting, dealing with different personalities and varying skill levels, assessing talent, scheduling and budgeting, recruiting and marketing, logistics and technical glitches. She doesn’t just “do” the EC anymore, she now knows that she can RUN the EC. It’s a great confidence-builder.</p>
<p>I’m not sure she’d have had this opportunity at a larger school. Because of ithe school’s small size and its active encouragement of students to find their “thing”, she was able to readily move into her niche and run with it.</p>
<p>For me, taking an amazing Psychology class from a professor who is renowned in his field provided me with a life changing experience. To this day, I use, probably weekly, what I learned in his class.</p>
<p>How to seek amazing classes and professors may be difficult. I sure didn’t know when I started I would have that experience but I went to a UC (not Berkeley or UCLA) but still a strong school so I guess I would spend time evaluating the “mission” of the school to see how they view learning and if you can find out about the caliber of the professors who teach there.</p>
<p>Comparing my younger daughters experience at a public medium sized masters university to her sisters experience at a private Lac, I am really beating myself up for not helping her find a smaller school that fit our budget instead of assuming “it would be ok”.
It’s not.</p>
<p>At a LAC you are likely to get smaller classes, more discussion, more writing assignments, and more feedback on your performance. It will be harder to doze in the back row of a large lecture hall or come to class unprepared. None of this adds up to coddling. True, you’ll probably also spend less time jumping through bureaucratic hoops to get what you want. If you consider those experiences character-building, you don’t need college to find them. They’re as close as your local DMV.</p>
<p>My S and his roommate (whom he’s never met) have communicated - ever so briefly- and the one thing they have nailed down is which one is bringing the tv and which one the x box (another screaming emoticon.) My Sr. D assures me that “tons” of guys brought them and I should have faith they will go to class/study etc. She said the guys go up and down the dorm halls with their controllers… lol. It’s a social, bonding thing that they all “get” and a lot of parents don’t.</p>
<p>From my experience with D1, I am just encouraging my not-as-social S to go to the club fair days, make sure he checks the school’s website and e-mails, look at things like frats, proactively introduce himself to dorm neighbors…and make up his own mind what interests him. He likes his class schedule, and I know he will find his path. </p>
<p>Silly as it sounds, we take my S to school next week, and I am having the familiar feelings of leaving him in kindergarten and walking away from the school hoping he makes friends. I know he will find his way, buy my heart is a bit achey and I want to help him. But I know I’ve done my job and he will be just fine–even when he hits some bumps in the road…</p>
<p>Small, inclusive LAC= good for your specific goals. They tend to embrace the outliers more than a big university. If your S has any talent or inclination, he might want to look at extracurriculars in the performing arts, perhaps acapella groups or student-run plays, even if it’s in a non-acting capacity. They offer good practice for introverts to put oneself “out there”. Or maybe encourage him to join a club in something he’s passionate about. Getting a job that forces one to interact with people will do the same thing. They’re all pretty much different manifestations of the same theme: people skills, like any other, improve with practice. </p>
<p>Also, don’t underestimate the positive effect of your S’s just being away at school. Having to conduct one’s life with a less tangible safety net than one would find living at home forces one to grow up whether one likes it or not.</p>
<p>Doame, too bad you are on the other coast; we could go for coffee. I hope your daughter is right about the Xbox. My son keeps telling me he will be fine, sometimes shouting it from in from to the TV and Xbox downstairs. I finally said to him that nothing would make me happier than him proving me wrong. I really want to be wrong on this one.</p>