<p>A lot of oriental Asian kids in my school were adopted from China, but have been raised by culturally European/American parents. These kids gravitate toward having a majority of Asian friends and are interested following customs of Asian cultures (Chinese, Korean, and Japanese in particular). </p>
<p>What I’m trying to ask is is it appropriate to raise adopted children in the culture their biological parents came from, or the culture their actual parents came from? What if the situation were more complicated than a stereotypical off-the-Mayflower American parents adopting an international kid- what if a culturally Korean couple that lived in Brazil adopted a baby from Uganda- how should the child be raised?</p>
<p>My niece and nephew were born in Korea and of that ancestry. They’re being raised by their Caucasian mom and Chinese American dad mostly like Asian Americans, without anything specifically about their Korean ancestry. Another loved one adopted a child from Taiwan and are raising him as an Asian American in HI–mom and dad born in HI with dad of Japanese ancestry and mom of Chinese ancestry.</p>
<p>Adopted children should be raised with love. That, to me, is the only requirement. </p>
<p>Would it be ideal for children to “match” their parents IRT skin color? Maybe. I don’t know. Given the amount of orphaned children around the world and the amount of children in foster care here, “matching” children is the least of my worries. </p>
<p>FWIW, I know plenty of Asian, black, and Hispanic children that were adopted by white parents. If it ever bothered any of them, I’ve never heard about it. Though I’m sure they’d take it over the orphanage they came from.</p>
<p>My husband and I (both Caucasian) adopted our son from Korea when he was an infant and have raised him exactly as we would a biological child. We did expose him to some Korean culture when he was quite young, at a week long camp the agency we used ran. He wasn’t particularly interested so after a few years we stopped signing him up and he went to regular camp. We asked occasionally if he wanted to go to Korean School ( it’s on a Sunday) and he had no desire to do that either. </p>
<p>Growing up, his group of friends has always been mostly Caucasian, as that is the vast majority in my town and the other Asian kids were mostly adopted, too. There were no “just Asian” group of kids in my town. </p>
<p>He is at a small lac and it’s quite inclusive. There are not really groups exclusively of students of any particular race or ethnicity there, either. </p>
<p>We have also offered to send him, anytime he wants, on a trip to Korea (there are a few programs exclusively for adopted kids) but so far he’s not interested in going on that type of trip at all, but I could see him wanting to take a trip there on his own or with friends to Korea in the future.</p>
<p>Marian, I too, this it’s not really possible. I do know some adoptive parents who did do a lot more in terms of exposing their kids to their Asian culture, especially when the kids were very young. They did special things on holidays, learned to cook certain foods, kids went to Korean Sunday school and to camps like the one my kid went to. But, tbh, after a few years, I think most stopped doing a lot of that kind of stuff, as their kids got older, got involved in school activity and sports, etc.</p>
<p>My California-born daughter loved Indian vegetarian food with hot, spicy Indian pickles; my Indian-born daughter would eat anything, so long as it resembled a hamburger and hotdog. We were a Carnatic (South Indian) music group, but that is because it was MY interest, not necessarily theirs. </p>
<p>I would have been happy to raise both of them in south India (where I have a second home); but it didn’t work out that way. My older one is turning into an Italian - go figure.</p>
<p>IMHO, if the child is raised feeling that the culture of their ethnicity is something that is easily accessible to them (e.g. through sending them to Chinese supplementary school, eating Chinese food and visiting China), then they’re less likely to feel that the best way of rebelling in their teen years is by rejecting the culture of their adoptive parents and gravitating towards a (probably distorted) version of their ethnicity’s culture. </p>
<p>The best way of making something attractive is to ban it, and I think that carries over into how people raise kids who have been adopted internationally.</p>
<p>Sometimes, you run into unexpected issues when you try to expose kids to their “biological” culture. </p>
<p>My D had a close friend when she was little who was a Korean child adopted by white parents. When she first starting going to Korean school, the other children and their parents were VERY unfriendly. The parents thought it was because they weren’t Korean and asked the director what they could do about it. The child was aware that the other kids wouldn’t play with her. </p>
<p>The director explained it had nothing to do with them. Most Korean orphans are illegitimate and illegitimacy was a HUGE mark of shame for Koreans, at least back then. Being adopted does not wipe out the stain of illegitimacy. </p>
<p>The thing was…the child was NOT illegitimate; her adoptive parents had a copy of her parents’ marriage certificate. They waited a few days and discussed it. They were really torn because they thought treating any child the way their child was being treated was wrong…but then they decided that it was wrong for their kid to suffer based on something completely untrue. So, the next weekend they talked to the director and told her. She asked if she could photocopy the marriage certificate. They let her. The following week, the kids stopped shunning their child. The director had told the other parents the true story. </p>
<p>While this ended happily, what if the child had been illegitimate? I don’t think it would be a good idea to expose a child to this attitude. </p>
<p>The child is all grown up now. She’s a beautiful young woman and she can speak, write and read Korean.</p>
<p>Interesting. My son’s SO was an adopted twin, from Korea, both incredibly smart THEY GREW P WTH PROFESSONAL PRENTS who loved them exponentially. Both gals are have done great professionally. No other Asians or Korean schools where they were raised. I look forward to more posts from emily, as to gain insight into my future DIL.</p>
<p>D’s friend and her sister were adopted from China. The sister has a Chinese name, friend has an “American/English” name. Their parents are Jewish and they are being raised in their parents’ culture. The family has a last name that would not be identified as “Jewish.” D’s friend has a name like “Katie Jones”–no one would guess she is Chinese/Jewish. There are many immigrant Chinese in the area–but D’s friend doesn’t really associate with them. I think she sees herself more as a white American. She doesn’t speak Chinese or have much to do with Chinese culture.</p>
<p>If I adopted a child, I would raise it in my own culture.</p>
<p>Adoption is complicated. Racial identity is complicated. And race in this country IS noticed, and the experiences of people of color are not white experiences even if they are middle class. Some people, and that includes adoptees, are more introspective and self-aware than others. The journey toward understanding of self and identity is most pronounced during the college years and young adulthood and is sometimes started in high school. I have talked to quite a few adults who were transracially adopted, nearly all from Korea and none with parents like Emilybee who offered cultural experiences and meeting other adoptees. One was in the first wave of Korean adoptees and is in her sixties, another now in his fifties, and the others in the decades down. </p>
<p>I guess you might say their experiences and feelings were anecdotal; I have no idea if they are representative. I think in the early days of adoption the screening was poor; the anger and emotional pain was palpable. The ones in their twenties and thirties were starting to reconcile with their adopted parents but gone though a trip or two to Korea and were involved (I think) in Korean adoptee organizations.</p>
<p>Within the confines of one’s nuclear family, I don’t think it is possible to raise a child in a culture other than one’s own. And by culture, I don’t mean food. I mean a particular world view and way of thinking, values, interacting, and that sort of thing. I do, however, think it is possible to raise a child in a multi-cultural, multi-racial community where there is more than one model of what families look like instead of them all being matchy-matchy. It makes for better potlucks, too. :)</p>
<p>In law school, I dated a guy who grew up from age six months to 5.5 years in India. He and his folks were Caucasian–Americans and his dad was a medical missionary. As a child, he spoke fluent Hindi, the local language, and English and would automatically switch to the language appropriate for whomever he spoke with. As a young adult he had only retained English and his love for Indian food and spices. </p>
<p>It is hard to figure out how anyone can really raise a child in a culture they aren’t familiar with, other than offering supplementation, as has been described above. </p>
<p>One of my friends was a Korean War orphan adopted by Caucasians. He was the only non-Caucasian for many, many miles growing up. He was the only member of his extended family to finish college.</p>
<p>While there is some cultural aspects to this, one must also keep in mind that the social stigmatization of illegitimacy was still commonplace in Western/US society until sometime in the mid-late 20th century. </p>
<p>Many anecdotal pieces of literature and history from early-mid-20th century referencing how being the mother of an illegitmate child or born illegitmate child factored into their being ostracized as social pariahs or gave them legitimate fear being treated as such. </p>
<p>For instance, I recalled reading about how during the '50s, American teen/young adult women who were never married before becoming pregnant out of wedlock ended up being sent by their parents/older relatives to distant “birthing homes” to avoid this stigma for the teen/young adult concerned and their families. Especially if they happened to be middle class and up. </p>
<p>Another example is British Indian Army Captain and traitor during the Battle of Malaya/Singapore Patrick Heenan. He would not have gotten/possibly been able to keep his status conferring army commission from the '30s onward if the British military authorities found he was born out of wedlock at the time of his application or during his period of service.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This is a YMMV. There are some organizations of Korean/Asian adoptees who had serious issues with racial identity and serious issues with the way they were raised by their White adoptive parents. </p>
<p>Granted, a large part of that is mainly due to the fact the parents themselves seemed to be jackasses on their own terms combined with racist treatment those adoptees received from both their adoptive extended families and neighbors they grew up with. </p>
<p>Fortunately, most I’ve met tend to be positive…like the Chinese-born kids of my older Jewish-American HS alum friend. Large part of that is allowing the adopted kids be the ones to decide how much interest to take in both their birth and adopted cultures and encouraging them to embrace the multicultural mosaic within NYC. And both are embracing all on their own terms with full parental support and encouragement.</p>
<p>My understanding from some Korean immigrants and Korean-American friends who experienced this firsthand or knew those who did is that if the child concerned left South Korea before a certain early age(3?), or the parents renounced South Korean citizenship of their child before sometime in the mid-late teen years and applied/gained US citizenship at the same time, the child is safe. </p>
<p>If the child concerned left after that young age and the parents failed to renounce South Korean citizenship before that mid-late teen year cap, even getting US citizenship for that child is no protection as they’re still South Korean citizens per South Korea’s laws and thus, are liable for conscription. At that point, even renouncing SKorean citizenship won’t work as its government won’t honor that act until AFTER the individual concerned has served his term of mandatory conscripted service. </p>
<p>A few Korean-American friends and cases in the news have experienced this either directly by being taken by South Korean authorities while in SKorea to be drafted to serve their mandatory service or know about their liability well enough to avoid going anywhere near that country.</p>
<p>My son does not have to worry about conscription because we filed the necessary papers with the SK embassy when he was a toddler. I don’t know if that is still necessary though, since the US grants automatic citizenship to all foreign born adoptees now. </p>
<p>I can’t speak for others, but I know several kids who are adopted from Korea, and all seem pretty well adjusted and just your typical American teens/young adult to me. No different than your kids. </p>
<p>There were many Asian adopted kids, just in my little town (the agency we adopted from dealt almost exclusively with korea for years and it is located in the area I live in - so lots of family’s used them) that is was just not unusual - even 20 years ago. </p>
<p>My kid has had no identity crisis or any other issues relating to being adopted and/or Asian. Frankly, I don’t think he thinks much about it. He is busy living his life. </p>
<p>Oh, and I’m Jewish so we decided to raise our son as Jewish, (H is lapsed Catholic) but we celebrate all the holiday’s - in the food kind of way, not the religious services way. So, if he was going to be confused he would have had a reason! </p>
<p>My son was not even the first adopted kid from Korea in our extended family, so no issues (from either side) with it either. </p>
<p>This is not to say there hasn’t been bumps in the road raising our son, it’s just the bumps were no different than one would have with a bio kid.</p>
<p>I know a number of couples who have adopted children from Korea, Guatemala, and Russia. All have raised their children in American culture with a large dose of their birth country’s culture as well. They often cook foods native to the birth culture, go to festivals related to the birth culture, and most families have visited the birth country when the child was older. Most also are involved in social groups with other families that include children adopted from the same country.</p>
<p>Why though? The only way those kids are related to their ‘original’ cultures is because their bio parents were from there. If they were to young to ever remember anything about that culture, why should it be brought into their lives?</p>
</p>