<p>I know you can change yourself, but naturally, what determines if you’re outgoing or shy? I’m pretty sure it’s all nurture right? It depends on how you grew up, parents, friends, siblings, etc.</p>
<p>Genes are part of it. Some babies are born shy. Some are gregarious.</p>
<p>Upbringing also is part of it. Shy children whose parents do things like talk for them and allow them to avoid social situations are likely to become shy adults. Shy kids whose parents take the time to teach them social skills, and expose them to situations in which they have to speak up and interact, are likely to become adults who are able to interact with others reasonably easily.</p>
<p>Shyness is one of the easiest emotional problems to overcome. Check out the shyness.com site.</p>
<p>I also used to be an extremely shy child, and as a college student and young adult worked hard to overcome my shyness. I read every social skills book that I could find including “How to make friends and influence people” and “How to make small talk.” I also forced myself to go to parties even though I felt awkward and was awkward. And, I even volunteered to do lectures when I was a teaching assistant in grad school. I was up all night the night before practicing, and I had a lot of anxiety when I did my lectures, but eventually things became so easy for me that I became a professional public speaker and college professor. (Toastmasters and taking acting classes also helped with those things).</p>
<p>Now, when I’m in a new situation, I tend to think of it as a chance to meet interesting people and make new friends. I don’t see such situations as things to dread.</p>
<p>Frankly, most people are a bit shy, so if one takes the time to reach out, and pays more attention to others instead of one’s own fears, one can make new friends while also overcoming shyness.</p>
<p>Northstar - excellent advice. I’m pretty shy myself, but I’m learning to put myself out there and meet new people wherever possible during my first year of college.</p>
<p>into - wt f? What’s witht the Asian hate here (and I’m not even asian)?</p>
<p>I presume this is how some of the less-than-civil members on this forum express their anger towards those Asian threads.</p>
<p>Genes have nothing to do with it. Both my parents are extremely shy individuals, and I would go as far as to call my mom a hermit.</p>
<p>No one, in my 19 years on this earth, has called me shy (which i’m sure someone will do now).
I’ve actually kind have become the family spokesman, and am currently helping my mom with her public speaking abilities.</p>
<p>But as a child, I moved - alot. So I always had to make new friends. Stability is a hindrance to one’s self. </p>
<p>Nurture.</p>
<p>Genes are definitely a factor. That’s a pretty ignorant statement. You can’t use your own case to justify your reasoning. Your parents could have grown up in completely different environments that you, making the genes less significant, and genes can also skip generations.</p>
<p>However, the general consensus for this sort of this (amongst psychologist) seems to be that it’s a combination of genetic and environmental factors. The latter probably being more important.</p>
<p>Was all that there the first time, or did you edit that?</p>
<p>I already did</p>
<p>It’s both nature and nurture, like almost everything else in life. There is a genetic disposition for extroversion and introversion, but it isn’t set in stone - just work on it and you’ll get better and better.</p>
<p>How exactly would genes be a part of it? I’d say it’s pretty much all how you are raised. Both of my parents are very aggressive and not shy and but my mother especially did everything for me as a kid. To this day I still am not great at making my own bed or folding clothes, but I definitely think that her taking charge for me contributed completely to me being shy. As a young kid I remember being very outgoing and then slowly my mom kind of took control by ordering for me, answering for me, etc. Obviously I can do these things now but I still can be shy and am not very outgoing.</p>
<p>Virtually everything is at least part genetic, and part experience.</p>
<p>Anybody who disagrees does not know basic biology.</p>
<p>I like Northstarmom’s analysis and recommendations.</p>
<p>In some cases people who overcome a liability become stronger in that area than those born without a liability.</p>
<p>Shirley MacLaine’s mother gave her dancing lessons because of her unusually weak legs. James Earl Jones’ parents gave him eloqution lessons because of a severe stutter. Viola! Sweet Charity and Darth Vader were born!</p>
<p>One of my children began life as extremely outgoing; the other was so shy he sat in the corner during music and gym in preschool. I left the outgoing one alone and worked gradually with the shy child. Now they have somewhat met in the middle; however, when stressed my outgoing D talks a blue streak and my more reticient S clams up, but both are socially appropriate and both make friends easily. I am convinced they came with these tendencies, but environment certainly played a part; having a firecracker older sister certainly kept my quiet S from getting a word in edgewise at times, but she also gave him a role model that he did copy.</p>
<p>when you stop caring what people think so much you become much less shy.</p>
<p>theres a balance. you cant just be a horrible person and isolate yourself form everyone. but you can be yourself and not worry about every move you make. that’s attractive.</p>
<p>I used to be shy because I couldn’t really connect to people in my early years so I felt isolated. But I gained what every asian guy needs to gain- dignity. Now I realize that I am in fact pretty awesome, and my awesomeness should permeate the limitations of my membrane. However, if I hang around people I wouldn’t like to hang around, I easily show my contempt (90 percent of the time). The trick is to find friends you can really trust (sounds cliche, but it’s true. Don’t try to find the hottie, the jock, or the really intelligent person just so you can look really intelligent also).</p>
<p>It seems that the answer to every psychology question is both nature and nurture. Since then, I stopped caring about the “what is the cause of…” types of questions.</p>
<p>It’s both, just like everything else. And I would strongly caution you not to mistake introverted for shy.</p>
<p>I guess you would make a horrible scientist or doctor then, stevee.</p>
<p>That makes two of us.</p>
<p>for me it was my ■■■■■■■ of a father.</p>
<p>-when I was in elementary school I had a bit of a speech disorder. When I talked in front of him he would often yell “speak clearly or didn’t speak at all”</p>
<p>-when im wrong he has a way of laughing at me that feels downgrading, like im stupid</p>
<p>-when he thought I was being cocky or too confident he would bring me down and tell me “don’t think you’re (blank), you’re just…”</p>
<p>-told me numerous times that I would never amount to anything, rot in jail, etc etc., when i didn’t get into an ivy league college out of highschool that just got worse</p>
<p>it’s 99% environment. It’s up to the parents.
I now make concious efforts to not be “afraid” to talk.</p>
<p>conclusion: I ultimately transferred to a top 15 school and keep a good gpa. I talk to my father as little as possible and plan to completely cut him off from my life in a few more years.</p>