DK1021
November 26, 2011, 1:39pm
1
<p>This was from the October SAT, and I thought I aced this and got a 12. Instead, I received a measly 9 and that cost me about 90 points in my writing score :P. I’m taking the SATs again next week, and I was wondering how could I improve my writing</p>
<p>Prompt:
<p>The Essay, which was copied verbatim with all the mistakes
Many people state that discipline is essential in order to be successful and attain freedom, but this is not the case. Discipline prevents people from truly doing whatever they want, as shown in literature and popular culture</p>
<pre><code>Moreover, Winston Smith from George Orwell’s 1984 is a prime example of a person who pursued to escape this discipline in order to have freedom. For a large portion of his life, Winston has to endure through a very strict system of a communist-like system, where everybody believes in the same ideas, and does whatever humdrum task that they are told to do. Sick of this life style, Winston escapes from such discipline by doing things that he wants to do and not what he is told to do. He finds a lover whom he loves, which is forbidden by the rules of his society, and he creates a secret group, specifically for the cause against his society. During these times, Winston is exhilarated by doing such illegal acts because for the first time in his life, he obtains the freedom that had been suppressed by the demands and disciplines of his society.
In addition, Walter White from Vince Gilligan’s “Breaking Bad” is another good example of a man who lived by the code of discipline but attained freedom by liberating himself from the old, conservative Walter White. Throughout his life, Walter lived as a very cautious man who was adverse to taking any risks, and this attribute cost him dearly earlier in his life. Years before, he and his partner had a groundbreaking revelation in the field of chemistry. However, Walt’s partner took all credit and became a very affluent man because Walt had not been aggressive enough in sharing the credit, and his discipline forbidded him from approaching his partner about stealing all the credit. However, Walt’s attitude and philosophy completely changed after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. Being near death gave Walt an inspiration to stop being conservative and take more chances in his life. Subsequently, to support his family, Walt decides to make crystal meth. This newfound freedom gives Walt the courage to do very risky, but in the end, prosperous deeds. He finds excitement and joy in his new life, where as before, he was disgruntled being an overqualified chemistry teacher. Being free from his strict discipline allows Walt to be free, which results in excitement and joy in his new life.
While many may think that conservatism and doing what one’s told may
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<p>Much thanks</p>
ThaMan
November 26, 2011, 5:13pm
2
<p>Well your conclusion got cut off for one.</p>
DK1021
November 26, 2011, 9:25pm
3
<p>I ran out of time, and I thought that the graders didn’t really care if you had a full conclusion or not</p>
SAT100
November 26, 2011, 9:28pm
4
<p>Too short… try to write at least 1 and a half pages, if not 2. Just remember how much you write is more important than how well you write, I wrote a crappy essay but I made it 2 pages and I got a 10 (trust me my writing skills are horrible!)! If you wrote a bit more and finished the conclusion you could’ve gotten a 12.</p>
DK1021
November 26, 2011, 9:59pm
5
<p>But the thing is, I filled up both pages except for like 3 lines on the second one. </p>
<p>Like, is there a problem with the content?</p>
<p>The grammar and vocabulary are the main problems I see.</p>