At this point in my life I’m not sure if I want to go to college anymore. I can’t focus when I study, I am constantly stressed about everything, I can’t handle the responsibility of trying to get a job, socialize with people, and take and pass five classes. Not to mention I have depression and I may be cliche in saying it, but I honestly think I have a learning disorder. I don’t feel ready for college or even adult life. I’m 19 and even though this is just the second semester of my freshman year, I feel like I’m going insane due to all of these things society says I must do. I’m sure most of you would say to just not worry, to study and work hard, and it will all get easier, and that first year stress is common, but for most of my life I have felt as if minor things are just too much for me to handle, and that it will never get easier. I am seeing one of the school’s psychologists, but I’m not making any progress. The only times I feel happy are when I’m alone in my room playing League of Legends, on the internet, and do not have obligations to other people.
I admit that I’m lazy, and that I just don’t want to work for things that I am supposed to work for like school and being employee of the month. Things that matter to me are not what matter to others. I want to write, and eventually become a video game designer(which is the only thing that has stayed concrete for years and is my dream), and become a professional League of Legends player(which is my second biggest dream now). I would love to somehow entertain people, but everything I want to do is very hard to achieve success in, and the only thing that could be assured is a college degree. I just don’t know anymore. I want to see if I can drop out now since the semester just started 3 weeks ago, and take a year off to mature, relax, and see about achieving some of those dreams. I know my mom wouldn’t have a problem, but my dad would flip out. I guess right now my biggest problem is that I don’t want to fail, but whether I chase my dreams, or continue school I’m going to.
I’m sorry if this is too long, is hard to read, doesn’t belong here, or if I am just quitting loser, but I don’t know where else to look for answers.