<p>Peace and quiet, family to get along, someone to help with the dishes.</p>
<p>I love to shop for other people and love to come up with ideas for gifts. I don’t enjoy shopping for myself, however.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl: The love language is really an interesting concept. As for presents: I came from a very middle class family, but lived in a wealthy area. My parents never bought presents. It was an imposition on their time/energy/money. My husband came from a very wealthy family. His mother couldn’t be bothered with anyone else but her. We have been (as a couple) quite fortunate: My kids never knew about “lists”. It was here before they thought that they wanted it. I have been lavish and other years three or four “good” things. No one has ever complained that they were cheated…ever…or that someone got more than they did. (Incidentally a tennis racquet and an ipad is not, in my mind lavish.)</p>
<p>I never received anything from my in laws: not a card. They gave my children unequal gifts…by design. (Imagine the fun on Christmas morning.) My son’s serious girlfriend will be joining us for the holidays. I bought her a purse (she choose it)…I will never repeat my in laws’ mistakes.</p>
<p>ellebud, you will make a great MIL! :)</p>
<p>I have no problem with giving money or gift cards. I usually do that for our extended family. My little sis and SIL know better what their families need/want. For the immediate family… I love to shop and surprise them. I guess gifts is not my love language, since I don’t get upset or hurt if gift giving is not reciprocated. But I do enjoy a great foot rub. :)</p>
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We got married very young and poor, so we didn’t get any of the household things many people get for their weddings and we’ve never completely stocked the house, so I asked for this very thing. Unfortunately, well meaning friends and relatives have convinced my husband that no woman wants this kind of stuff. I don’t like jewelry, spas, perfume, or anything like that, so I asked my husband not to spend money on me this year. I got him golf clubs and hiking boots. Hopefully, he will use them!</p>
<p>Deliberately giving unequal gifts is unkind/cruel. Am glad ellebud, that you are there to help your kids over these hurts. In our family, gifting is generally based upon what is needed and wanted. We do try to keep the $$ values roughly even. It’s just a time of sharing around here and just being thought of and remembered. We supplement with holiday sales–when I help D shop for her friends, if we find something for her that’s perfect, it’s hers (paid for by Bank of Mom & Dad). She really is particular & doesn’t want/need much, so it’s fun to find things she likes that look great on her. She’s also helpful in finding good things for S (who is VERY TOUGH to shop for).</p>
<p>H & I just buy what we want/need when we see a great deal. I searched for & bought a suitcase that I think will work well, as well as packing folders & a scarf (that was inexpensive). </p>
<p>Price range for gifts depends on resources, in many households, getting a nice tennis racquet and iPad would be modest while in other households, that would be breaking the entire Christmas budget.</p>
<p>My mom tries her darndest to keep all gifts as even as possible (tho dad sometimes gives an extra check from time to time to the grandkids when he’s driving to the airport 
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<p>It seems to all work out pretty well around here.</p>
<p>ZM–consider having you & H check out Craigslist & ebay together or perhaps make a trip to Costco & figure out what you both want from there? You can give yourselves things & H can still buy you something else–they do have gift cards to restaurants there too.</p>
<p>HiMom: I agree that in some households two large items are extravagant. But I believe that I read the DAUGHTER told the mother that this was too much. If that was the correct reading…where is it that they daughter decrees what is ok?</p>
<p>Zoosermom: I so understand. I did get silver trays and I use them. I really hate it when other people tell me what I (or others) should want. Frankly, at this moment I might not pick sterling (I now have two full sets for 20…and half another set…the rest burguled) but beautiful trays (be they sterling/plate/or Michael Aram) are nice to have whether it is for a newly married or many year married.</p>
<p>Ebay (after Christmas) does have some nice stuff as does OneKingsLane. If you know what you want and know prices you can do very well. My husband found “our” crystal on ebay. We lost it during the big earthquake. Not insured. Too expensive now…but much less than in the stores.</p>
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<p>I totally agree and would be tempted to ask these people what the he!! is the matter with them.</p>
<p>I remember when my girls were little putting out every gift on the floor in my room and evaluating whether or not it was a fair and equitable distribution. Inevitably, I’d panic at the last moment, ending up at that bleeping shopping mall on Christmas Eve, trying to make sure that while not identical, there was no hint of favoritism going on with regard to gifts. Silly, I know; in fact, on more than one occasion I began to feel that this practice was like trimming your own bangs: the more you try to get them even, the shorter they get, until you look like some kind of freak.</p>
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<p>Similar situation here. I’m going to have my DD send my DH a link to our crystal manufacturer’s web site, with the page containing our crystal bookmarked. You can order online, so he will be thrilled with the simplicity and ease of this, as it will take quite a few gift occasions to fill out our set. Your post makes it clear that I need to have DD stress that this REALLY would make me happy. :)</p>
<p>I know what they were thinking: My kids are very close to each other. They had no other cousins. It was (really it was, no kidding, worked on with a therapist they admitted it) a way to create a division between the kids.</p>
<p>ebeeee- I ask for that gift every Mother’s Day, birthday and Hannukah. My kids say they would rather buy me a gift. Getting along for an entire day they feel is next to impossible.</p>
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<p>ellebud, when I think of your MIL, I picture her as the evil queen from Disney’s Snow White. That gift giving strategy to cause a rift between her grandkids… Unbelievably evil!</p>
<p>Off to get that chair made in Norway!</p>
<p>I would like a phone smart enough not to ring unless I want to hear from someone.</p>
<p>The bling around here this year is a generator. It’s the only thing on my Christmas list.</p>
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<p>God in Heaven! Why in the world would they want to create division between their grandchildren? I agree with BunsenBurner—It’s evil!</p>
<p>Dear Santa, </p>
<p>I would like a lesportsac bag, a new pillow, and some pajamas.</p>
<p>Ellebud, your inlaws continue to appall and amaze me.</p>
<p>PizzaGirl, interesting concept re love language. My family ethos was that if a person went to the time and trouble to buy you a gift you should be very grateful, no matter what. There was none of the pressure that said you “had” to get something for all kinds of people, nor was there pressure that the gift be “good enough.” As a result, I am quite free of the angst surrounding Christmas shopping that many people suffer from. </p>
<p>My H, on the other hand, used to do his damndest to take all of the pleasure out of it by clipping articles from the NYT or WSJ in which people described how they were “cutting back” on their Christmas spending. Invariably, they were cutting back to more than I had ever spent. 
He is just cheap and a natural-born Scrooge.</p>
<p>In our family, an ipad would be a tremendously extravagant present. :)</p>
<p>If my inlaws began to display a pattern of giving obviously disparate gifts, and it became clear this was being done to deliberately create problems between the children, I would put a stop to their gift giving. I know nothing of ellebud’s family dynamics, so this isn’t about their particular family, it is a response to the issue raised in general.</p>
<p>In fact, even if it were my own parents behaving this way, their access to my children would be limited if not completely blocked. Not as a punitive measure towards them, but as a protective measure for my children. The saying “with friends like this, who needs enemies” comes to mind. Well, not on my watch.</p>