what do you think about this essay?

this isss…essay number 1 i believe.

question: something about preparing for college.

Lacking motivation after 8th grade, I lost ambition to succeed academically. My priorities were socializing and associating with the wrong crowd. I never realized that diligence and hard work would be rewarding until I stumbled into journalism.
The first issue of the newspaper proved to be extremely hectic. As deadline approached, once composed, calm editors transformed into frantic creatures rushing to complete articles and finish layouts. Initially, the idea of investing that much time and effort into the newspaper was ludicrous to me. I couldn’t grasp the importance of a school newspaper, nor appreciate the hard work that went into one. Until I witnessed the final result stacked neatly at our school’s doorstep, did I realize the magnitude it possessed and what it conveyed to the students and community.
That was four years ago, and since then, I’ve earned the position as head sports editor. With constant, encroaching deadlines, I had to always be on task. Every article I wrote had to be accurate and precise; everything I did had to be perfect. The newspaper staff inspired me to care about my school, community, and writing. My newspaper experience and the thrill of writing and publishing completely revitalized my drive for success.

202 words

BOOYAH. FINISHED MY FINAL ESSAY

193 words/OPEN ENDED

Through all the accomplishments I’ve achieved in recent years; the heartbreaking shortcomings I’ve experienced, I can truthfully say I’ve grown into a much wiser, capable human being. This, in part, is thanks to the indispensable education I received in high school. However, I view education as a learning experience both inside and outside the classroom. Facts I learned from textbooks and teachers helped me achieve A’s in tests, but the invaluable lessons I discovered while servicing the community, joining numerous clubs, student government, volunteering at convalescent homes, and even writing for the newspaper; these are the dominating experiences that built the character and virtues I posses today.
I understand that academics are important, but I’ve also grown to appreciate the value of experience and community. I wholeheartedly love helping people. Playing bingo with a senior citizen as her eyes gleam and excitedly yells, “bingo!” brought me more satisfaction than any grade could. I find no fault in valuing the human experience. I’m proud of the time and dedication I’ve shown in my commitments. With this same tenacity, I plan on investing further time into academics, and ultimately, become a well-rounded member of society.

please check these out. i’m sending htem in soon. cross your fingers with me :slight_smile:

<p>this is the first time i bumped something. i’m going to bump this one…cuz it needs some bumpage.</p>

<p>okay. i dont wanna bug. and i guess everyones asleep. but someone please look at this tomorrow…please?</p>

<p>i’ll give whoever goes over this a cookie. a BIGGG cookie!</p>

<p>I like the first essay.</p>

<p>The third essay is unremarkable. Not bad, just unremarkable. It seems that you’re making statements about yourself that you don’t really justify, altho I know first-hand how difficult it is to fit stuff into that puny word count.</p>

<p>You’re a good writer, great structure, impeccable vocab, grammar and expression but your essays don’t seem to be deep enough, not the subject, the subjects are good. It’s just that you seem to skim over them quite generally. For example, for your first essay, the newspaper experience could come from anyone, you have to make it mre personal and unique, highlight your passion as something outside the usual or give a more concrete example of a particular article.
As for your second essay, your first paragraph could come from any applicant, it isn’t specific enough to you. The bingo thing in the second paragraph stands out as the personal thing for you, try to expand this in the rest of the essay, Make yourself an individual.</p>

<p>I liked the first essay. The beginning of the second paragraph is too abrupt, though. Try rearranging some of the sentences in the second paragraph to make it flow better. You might want to emphasize the subject of sports; why did you became editor of that section?</p>

<p>The second essay sounds like so many others. I’m sure you can do better.</p>

<p>ah. thank you SO MUCH. i was afraid i would get no feedback. i was all tossing and turning last night. now i have something to talk to my counselor with at school! thanks a lot guys! have a nice day.</p>