What do you think of Amy Gutmann's page 217?

Anonymous_ff10c5ff791851ad94f8e8b074a7c85c · May 10, 2009, 9:38pm

So from the Wall Street Journal:

Amy Gutmann's essay:

As a college undergraduate, I had dreamed of joining the faculty of a distinguished university and making a lasting scholarly mark in political philosophy.

As the twentieth century drew to a close, both dreams had come true. I had served on Princeton’s faculty for nearly three decades, and mentored two generations of great young scholars who now hold teaching appointments at illustrious universities around the world.

And I had made three enduring contributions to moral and political philosophy.

I had formulated a systematic analysis of the importance of democratic education for democratic politics. This analysis became the touchstone for the values of liberty, opportunity, and mutual respect among diverse individuals that I aspired to advance throughout my professional career.

I had developed a theory of deliberative democracy with Dennis Thompson, which we offered as an antidote to the coarseness, intransigence, and extremism that too often has degraded democratic politics and public discourse. By demonstrating how deliberation and mutual respect could elevate the quality of democratic debate, we presented a model for placing moral reasoning at the center of everyday politics, and for making the most out of the many moral disagreements that come with the territory of democratic politics.

And I had originated a new political theory in which identity groups are neither friends nor enemies of democratic justice. I argued that identity groups pose distinctive challenges to democratic societies that have been neglected both by political theorists who overlook the advantages of organizing on the basis of mutual identity in democratic politics and by political scientists who lump all politically relevant organizations together under the rubric of interest group politics.

The more I accomplished as a scholar and teacher, the stronger my desire grew to test my theories of education and deliberative democracy in practice. My first opportunity came at Princeton, where I founded the University Center for Human Values to encourage innovative teaching, scholarship, and public deliberation on important ethical issues in private and public life.

Becoming Penn’s President in 2004 consummated the match between my scholarly yearnings and my aspirations for higher education. No sooner had I begun writing my presidential inaugural address than the political philosopher in me took over. Instead of delivering the standard omnibus address that no one will remember, why not propose a new social contract to put the ideals of higher education into ever more effective practice?

Because the vision of a social contract is larger than the person who proposes it, I gave the contract a banner name that would unite the whole University community: the Penn Compact. I gave the contract an overarching goal: Penn would rise from excellence to eminence. Then I laid out the Compact’s three governing principles: We would increase access for talented, hardworking students of all backgrounds by strengthening financial aid based on need; we would empower our faculty and students to integrate knowledge by breaking down the silos that separate the liberal arts from the professions and the academic disciplines from one another; and we would put our integrated knowledge to work by engaging in a spirit of partnership with our neighbors in Philadelphia and with communities throughout America and around the world.

Penn’s extended family of students, faculty, alumni, and staff rallied immediately around the Penn Compact, and the revolutionary academy founded by Benjamin Franklin was on its way toward becoming a more eminent and well integrated university.

MGMT_Fan · May 10, 2009, 10:12pm

Rejected. 10char

drek_thar · May 10, 2009, 10:13pm

Very self-congratulatory. I’m sure she would have getten into anywhere she had applied to.

Sugar_Magnolia · May 10, 2009, 10:44pm

I agree with the criticisms from the original thread about this article… she is kind of stroking her own ego. But in her defense, page 217 out of 300 pages would be something that she has already done considering her age, whereas most of us projected into the future since we’re less than 217/300 of our way through life.

But still, she could have framed it a bit more originally, or given it more life behind it. She doesn’t feel very human to me.

user_526031 · May 10, 2009, 10:48pm

A little too pretentious for my taste, haha.

AmbitiousMind07 · May 10, 2009, 10:58pm

She used “I” 14 times! Did any of us use “I” that many times? (I agree with the above comments.)

Anon_Person_1 · May 10, 2009, 11:12pm

didn’t feel it.

UHSdebater · May 10, 2009, 11:25pm

agree with everyone. too many “I <insert past=”" tense=“” verb=“” here=“”>" in the essay.</insert>

thinking about it, how many of us even did page 217?

tenebrousfire · May 11, 2009, 12:14am

i did page 217

i wrote about how i cured cancer

xxmichellexx · May 11, 2009, 5:04am

why does it matter how man "I"s you use… i mean it’s a personal essay… you’re supposed to use I… also you guys seem overly critical of amy gutmann…i don’t see what’s so bad about her

Excursions · May 11, 2009, 11:20am

She’s a colorful character but that essay is quite boring.

AmbitiousMind07 · May 11, 2009, 8:36pm

I’ve seen a plethora of personal essays/statements…many of which only used the word “I” a few times–rarely no more than five or six times (and in my opinion, that is even pushing it). There are definitely more eloquent ways to express your opinion without the use of “I”.

Furthermore, I find it unnecessary to even use the word “I” in a personal statement because the reader already knows the paper is about you! It’s not called a “personal statement” for nothing! Therefore, the use of “I” or “in my opinion” or “I believe” and any other such phrases do not convey a strong vocabulary or essay-writing abilities.

Sugar_Magnolia · May 11, 2009, 9:59pm

This isn’t the personal statement; this is an extract from an autobiography. She plays with sentence structure enough for it to not be poor writing, imo… I think the repetition of “I” kind of adds an air of ego-stroking. The tone is very driving-it-home, author-centered, confident. My main issue is the content. I just wish that she had chosen something more personal and telling of her character.

necrophiliac · May 11, 2009, 10:36pm

wow, there is enough here to fertilize all the country’s corn fields.

Rudess · May 11, 2009, 10:39pm

Anyone has the link to the article?

And I think the statement is great. Sure, it’s pretentious, but this is Penn’s president, and what you should expect is very confident and visionary writing.

I completely disagree. The fact that “the reader already knows the paper is about you” is terrible logic for giving the completely prescriptivist rule of “do not use ‘I’ in a personal statement”. If you read a few personal statements by postodctorates looking for an academic position, you will see that they use ‘I’ extensively. Even in the most prestigious academic journals, you will now see the use of “I”. There is nothing wrong with using “I”, and I believe that your opinion that using “I” conveys poor writing skills stems from silly prescriptivist advise similar to the one you provide. Good writing, in the context of a personal statement, is not so much about eloquence. It’s not about showing off by displaying how many synonyms you know for a word. It’s about expressing your ideas, sounding mature, in a brief and clear way. I think you should reconsider.

AmbitiousMind07 · May 11, 2009, 11:05pm

^I respect your opinion and your comment, but writing is very subjective and there is definiely no right or wrong answer. Just because you say even the most prestigious academic journals use the word “I” does not also justify your reasoning to be accurate as well. But again, this entire topic is so subjective…maybe I’m just the bitter reject looking for something to poke fun at? Maybe you’re just overly enamored by your University that you simply can not find any flaws within it? What ever the case my be, I personally do not think the excessive use of “I” shows good writing abilities–although, I’m sure it’s practice can be pulled off!

Cardinaldreams · May 13, 2009, 12:18pm

My personal opinion was - it was not impressive at all - too much plugging of UPenn for my liking - I mean as much as I love it you can got too far !

jbierce · May 13, 2009, 4:36pm

299 more pages of this would bore me to death.

xenon_001 · May 13, 2009, 9:44pm

This prompt isn’t hard for her because the stuff has already happened. It’s completely different from writing it as a student.

I didn’t answer this one when I applied because I couldn’t really think of how to write it without boasting of hoped-for future achievements.

ilovebagels · May 15, 2009, 3:58am

For my 217 I spent half the page writing about people gushing at how awesome the thing I did on page 216 was.

What do you think of Amy Gutmann's page 217?

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