What do you think of my essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>If you have time, please grade my essay out of a 6 and include any comments or suggestions that you think will be helpful. (Please excuse the typos)
Thanks</p>

<p>Prompt:“A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation”. C.E.Ayers</p>

<p>Assignment:
Is it always essential to tell the truth or are there circumstances in which it is better to lie?</p>

<p>My Essay:
In some situations a “white lie” may be required in order to bare with a difficult ordeal. Though, one may feel that truth can overbear all, many occurnces in history prove this hypothesis wrong. The examples I will use to express my point of view include the black servant of Abagail, a work of Shakespeare’s, and Shai Lebuf’s chance at millions.
In 1902 the black servant of Abagail Adams, Ganai, was placed in horrific terror. The value of Ganai’s soul was being pungintly evaluated by her masters. Mrs.Abagial’s peral necklace had been stolen from her jewelry box the night that Ganai was cleaning the entire home. The theift had happened to be Ganai’s beloved Agoua, whom stole the necklace in order to sell it and escape from the quick sand of poverty that he was quickly falling through. When Ganai was asked of the location of the necklace she was emotionaly forced to claim the theft to be Suane (the innocent village girl), so that Agoua would be exacperated.
In William Shakespear’s “Romeo and Juliet”, the chance at passion between the two is solely based upon whether or not the will stay honest to their family or lie to be together. I feel that in order for Romeo an Juliet to become emoitionaly pleased and satisfied, they had to abscond from their families, and hide the truth.
Shai Lebuf, has been acting for the past few years on a popular disney television series “Even Stevens”. He recently got a chance at superior fame and millions of dollars, if would do the simple action of lieing. It was a film about the popular sport of golfing in the early 1900’s. For an actor or actress to become suitable for the role the actor or actress was required to very skillful at golfing. This was a skill that Lebuf certainly did not own. He obscured this truth from the director, thus winning the highly wanted role.
In conclusion, commonly the solution to a problem will be to bend the truth. In other words “A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation” C.E.Ayers.</p>

2

<p>Can ANYONE please grade it?</p>

3

<p>6…</p>

<p>If you can do an essay in 25 minutes you deserve a 6/6</p>

<p>check for unity; </p>

<p>thesis: In some situations a “white lie” may be required in order to bare with a difficult ordeal. </p>

<p>p1 the rich lady blame her servant ?
p2 romeo and juliet hide there love by lying to their parents
p3; shia lied to his director to get a role</p>

<p>thesis if u can make it clearer. Difficult ordeal could be more specific. white lie may be used to protect someone</p>

<p>example. schindler lie to the germans about the jews working in his factory so he could protect them</p>

<p>example two-mom lied to you about why a family member died to protect you??</p>

<p>example three–rich lady lied to protect her servant–servant lost jewelry by accident…this prevented death</p>

4

<p>not much… 5/12</p>

<p>“The examples I will use to express my point of view include the black servant of Abagail, a work of Shakespeare’s, and Shai Lebuf’s chance at millions.”</p>

<p>“I will use” is really bad here. For your thesis, just outright say Romeo and Juliet. Also, I have no idea who abagail is, and chance at millions should be underlined. MAKE YOUR THESIS CLEAR!!!</p>

<p>Your examples are wayyyy too short and under-developed. Instead of just retelling the story of your example, you must explain and relate the example to the prompt. </p>

<p>Your conclusion is non-existent. Ending with the quote was a good idea, but the wording and sentence structure ruins it. </p>

<p>Overall, work on your grammar and sentence structures. The essay is really quite short, you have to be much more specific and detailed. Not trying to be mean, hope you take this as constructive criticism.</p>

5

<p>everyone says grammar. The most important thing to focus on is coherence.</p>

<p>Make sure your thesis is clear and the other pargraphs support this. </p>

<p>Basically, if you thesis is clear the other things fall into place.</p>

<p>try to develop the body more is a good idea.</p>

<p>and a good conclusion is what everyone wants. </p>

<p>Just make sure you thesis is clear. A difficult ordeal has to be fixed and the rest will fall into place.</p>

<p>Grammar --your going to be rushed anyways so it wont be perfect…</p>

<p>clear thesis ==clear essay–</p>

6

<p>Thank you to everyone and I will take all of your advice, but my essay was almost two pages long. It looks different when I typed it on the computer. Anyway thanks for your opinions guys.</p>

7

<p>come to Canada. We do the whole thing on computer. We get an hour. They don’t ask us for history /literature examples --just real life…</p>

8

<p>If you’re one of those people who write in giant, bubble letters, you should try to write smaller for more content. If you can’t write smaller, try limiting yourself to 2 examples and fully developing those. Remember: quality, not quantity! (except in the case of filling all 2 pages)</p>

9

<p>but danny, your essays lack coherence because of your bad grammar.</p>

10

<p>mine are pretty good. I just type em straight into the browser. I haven’t revised any or checked them yet. They are rough copies–</p>

<p>just refine your thesis a bit. Make it explicit…It led to a lack of clarity…as shown below–</p>

<p>difficult ordeal is too vague…</p>

<p>overbear all–no idea?</p>

<p>a work of Shakespeare’s- shakespeare’s play</p>

<p>placed in horrific terror–placed in danger–dire consequences</p>

<p>pungintly evaluated–evaluated–can’t evaluate someone by smelling them or can you ?</p>

<p>peral–peril
whom stole -who stole
emotionaly forced --forced
claim the theft to be Suane --blamed suane ?
chance at passion between the two is solely based upon whether or not the will stay honest to their family or lie to be together.-lied to their families so they stay together/
emoitionaly pleased and satisfied–satisfied
superior fame–fame
lieing–lying
popular sport --sport
was required to very skillful at golfing–had to be good at golfing?
obscured this truth -lied ?fibed?
commonly the solution is to bend the truth–sometimes bending the truth is needed to…</p>

<p>and as the other guy said two examples works better for the SAT</p>

11

<p>Few points</p>

<p>-Try to avoid any pop culture examples
-Use 3rd person whenever possible
-Your support paragraphs are not developed enough
-Your conclusion is too short
-Fix your spelling and grammar. Yes, organization is more important than details like spelling and grammar, but TBH your spelling is really really bad. Maybe these were just errors made when you typed up your essay?</p>