<p>Step-S is 24 and is a graduate student in a program that does not offer funding. H and S-S’s mother (we’ll call her J) have continued to follow the child support provisions of their divorce even though they have, of course, legally expired. Under those provisions, J is responsible for S-S’s medical insurance and medical expenses. </p>
<p>S-S is interning this summer for an agency related to his field of study and makes a small amount of money. (He does not work during the school year because H and J prefer he concentrate on his studies. H is responsible for tuition and living expenses.) At the beginning of the summer, S-S told H that he (S-S) would take responsibily for his living expenses over the summer to be paid from his meager salary. We were proud of S-S.</p>
<p>Everything was fine until S-S learned he needs surgery. It’s relatively minor, outpatient surgery but he will be out of work for at least 2 weeks. The surgery takes place tomorrow.</p>
<p>J is insisting that S-S pay half of the cost the surgery (half of the 5K deductible and half of any other costs). J is not poor (although she cries poverty to anyone who will listen).</p>
<p>I’m outraged . . . S-S doesn’t have that kind of money. Am I wrong to be outraged that she would ask her son for that kind of money??</p>
<p>I’m sure that the “deal” with J covering medical insurance and expenses was meant to cover the normal, run of the mill problems that a kid might have, not expensive surgery. I’m not outraged that she doesn’t want to foot the entire bill.</p>
<p>If I were your S-S, I’d take her deal. If you want to help him out by paying half of his half, that would be up to you.</p>
<p>Based on limited information, here is my thought. </p>
<p>It strikes me as unrealistic to tell son he can’t work most of the year but that he has to pay half the cost of needed surgery. If he’s going to be expected to carry a portion of the load he has to have an opportunity to earn the cash.</p>
<p>I think that you need to look at the big picture. </p>
<p>J has kept her son on her medical because she did not want him to be without medical benefits. </p>
<p>Now your step-son (who is also your husband’s child) needs surgery with a 5k deductible. </p>
<p>Imagine what the cost would be if step-son did not have health insurance?</p>
<p>Mom is footing half of the bill in addition to payng insurance premiums. It is not unfair to ask that he help pay some of the bills (which would have been way more if he had only been covered by student health -which means no coverage over the summer).</p>
<p>[If step-son cannot afford to foot the bill then I think that overall, you need to take a step back and let your step-son’s parents handle this. Your stepping in can place you in a no win situation.</p>
<p>I do not think that it is unreasonable for J o ask that S-S pay part of any out of pocket costs.</p>
<p>The mother is responsible for medical, and she chose a high deductible. The father is paying a lot more and he is continuing to do it. They don’t have to continue to support the son, but it is something they decided to do as parents. If the mother had expected the son to pay for 50% of deductible, then she should have said it upfront so the son could provision for it. I see this as the mother trying to squeeze the father for that 2500, and I don’t think that is right.</p>
<p>“Her son” are the key words here. I think that the financial arrangements between your S-S and his mother are best left to them. Many people would think it perfectly sound to expect a college graduate to contribute substantially to his own medical costs, or even cover them fully. His mother is already doing more than she is required to and more than many people would do by paying for his health insurance. And your H is also doing more. Your SS is a lucky guy, and it sounds like he realizes it and is a good kid.</p>
<p>If you and H wish to contribute to helping him meet this unexpected expense and can afford to do so, by all means do. Just keep it between you and him. Don’t make it into a “she’s so mean” thing that will start a war.</p>
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<p>I have no idea what the circumstances were surrounding the divorce and remarriage. But it sounds as if you got not only the man, but probably the larger income. And it sounds as if you have a great relationship with the SS. Be satisfied with that and refrain from denigrating his mother, even if she is monumentally annoying.</p>
<p>I also wondered who elected the high deductible? Did SS have a say in that decision up front? If so, I can understand wanting him to contribute soem to his medical expenses. Do they know for sure that the entire 5K deductible will be spent on this procedure? If the docs and facility are in-network, is it possible it might be less?</p>
<p>Thanks for your comments. Of course H and I will help S-S with this but the $5K deductible was his mother’s decision and it just doesn’t seem right to me that she expects him to come up with at least 2500 (it will probably be substantially more) when he doesn’t work. </p>
<p>I don’t get directly involved in my step-children’s lives as it relates to monetary issues (or other issues with their mother). My input is solely between me and my H. I do ALOT of smiling and nodding!!</p>
<p>Since the SS is getting a surgery, he is not going to be able work for a little while, who is going to lay for his living expense? Dad, I would assume. So everyone is chipping in to help out the son. I don’t see why the son is any more of dad’s responsibility than mom’s.</p>
<p>You need to also find out what %age of the costs are covered AFTER the deductible is reached. If it’s 100%, why would it be "substantially more than $2000? If it’s 80% coverage after the deductible, you need to figure out who is going to pay this bill.</p>
<p>As an aside, I would scrub floors to help my kids with medical costs.</p>
<p>It’s 80%. Of course we don’t know what the bill will be but with a surgeon, anesthesiologist, OR costs, etc. it’s a pretty safe bet it will exceed $5000.</p>
<p>Like Sybbie (post #4) I think it best to look at the big picture. Yes there may be some warts on this deal, but life has been pretty good for all involved. Best not to upset that particular cart.</p>