<p>Addendum: though D’s bf does call us by first names, you can hear the quotation marks around them when he does so. We’re moving towards comfort with that, but he’s not totally there yet.</p>
<p>I think it’s easier with me. We’re quite comfortable with each other, but he’s simultaneously scared of and worshipful of H. (men!).</p>
<p>kathiep, Cheers is not in the U.S.</p>
<p>We have always been Mr. & Mrs. to all our kids friends, and they have always addressed their friends parents the same way. D’s b.f. calls us “Ummm” and so I invited him to call us by our first names, but he hasn’t yet.</p>
<p>I have called my inlaws “mum” and “dad” and they love it.</p>
<p>Both my kids have professors at their colleges who want the students to call them by their first names.</p>
<p>But I get the biggest kick when I talk to my nephew in Georgia, and he says "Yes ma’am " to me.</p>
<p>I’m just a student, but I saw this thread and just had to reply…</p>
<p>The first time I brought my boyfriend to the house, my father introduced himself as “Sir” and my mother introduced herself as “Goddess Divine.” It was an absolute nightmare- I was mortified at the time. I do enjoy teasing my boyfriend about it now, though… the expression on his face was absolutely priceless. I wish I had had a camera!</p>
<p>My D often referred to me as Momma Smith (we have a short and sweet last name similar to smith) to her friends. I hated it at first. Now sure why. Made me feel old? But then they all started refering to me as Momma Smith, and I found it less formal than Mrs. Smith and not as informal as “First Name.” After bonding with 13 of them over spring break at the beach, I kinda like it now. H is Mr. Smith. D’s BF sometimes shortens it to “Momma” or “mom” when the two of them are together.</p>
<p>Bay,
I am comfortable with the changeover from Mrs. Lastname to Firstname when the kids go off to college and bring home friends, so that’s closer to age 18 than 25.</p>
<p>Still, there are always some who call me Mrs. Lastname even after I’ve invited them to call me Firstname once, so that is their comfort zone and I just leave it be.</p>
<p>I use a different last name than my H, but the friends of my own kids can’t keep all that straight. If they do use a lastname for me, it’s the same one as the one their agemate friend wears. That’s fine.</p>
<p>OK. This post may not be very popular with some people.</p>
<p>I’m 18 and a second year in college. This is a strange issue for me (and probably most people in my age group). </p>
<p>During my summer jobs, I call everyone by their first names (minus some of our older donors whom everybody calls by Mr./Mrs. So-And-So). I work in Development, so in addition to all the people who work in my office, I work with hundreds of donors and members of the public–most of these people are older and very wealthy and some of these people are relatively famous. I am treated like anybody else in the office, so I call our supporters by their first names. In a similar vein, I played music professionally from the time I was ten or eleven on. Most clients who hired me spoke to me on a first name basis, even when I was in middle school. </p>
<p>At my college, the University of Chicago, the vast majority of professors go by their first names. I think two of the fifteen professors I’ve had so far have gone by Mr./Mrs. and their last names. Professors do not use titles such as Dr. or Professor. Students are treated as intellectual adults and peers by professors, so titles are not necessary (or desired, it seems).</p>
<p>Cutting out work and school, other groups of adults I know are friends of my parents or my friends’ parents. I call everybody in my parents’ office by their first names, which I’ve always been told to do. Out of my father’s friends, the ones I’ve had conversations with have told me to use their first names. The others I call by Mr./Mrs., but I don’t really need to address them by name very often. The parents of my friends from high school all invited me to call them by their first names, and I don’t really know the parents of my friends from college. </p>
<p>I would of course call these adults by Mr./Mrs. when I first meet them, but I really don’t see the need for this distinction to last. I think that at 18 I am adult enough to relate to adults on a first name basis. That’s what my University evidently thinks, in any case. It is always polite to call adults who are older than you (or superior in some way) by their title until you are instructed to do otherwise. I have to say, though, that I think it’s sort of silly for me to call one person by their first name and one person by a title and their last name just because the first is someone I worked with and the other is my friend’s parent. I guess work and common intellectual pursuits turn people into peers, but the distinction seems pretty arbitrary to me.</p>
<p>My high school headmaster says that he invites students to call him by his first name once they graduate college. If you want to put an age on it, which I’m not sure I would, then after college graduation, or the equivalent age of about 22, is a pretty good one.</p>
<p>Some years back, there was a thing where children called their parents by first names, and that stuff made me uncomfortable. Glad it’s gone, at least I don’t hear it any more.
Long after my kids’ friends call me by first name, I sure never want my own kids to lose "mom’ or “dad.” It’s too precious and unique.</p>
<p>Absolutely, p3t!</p>
<p>Maybe it is my part of the country but I can only remember a few times being called Mr and Mrs Last name. From an early age all my kids friends called us by our first names and vice versa. A couple of my kids Dr’s also go by their first name. My two youngest attended a school where the teachers also go by first names.
We will always be Mom and Dad to our own kids.</p>
<p>All my kids friends call their friends’ parents by their first names.</p>
<p>The kids call me by my first name. Always have. Both attended a K-8 school where teachers used their first names & parents were expected to volunteer in the classroom, also using first names – so I was being called by first name by all the kid in the kindergarten classroom. It actually was a little bit of a transition my kids moved onto high school and had to get used to calling teachers Mr. & Mrs. </p>
<p>My last name is not the same as my kids’, and I am no longer married, so while I tolerated it, I’m not all that find of being called Mrs. ExHusbandName… which is of course what my kids’ friends tend to call me if they don’t know my first name.</p>
<p>I have a somewhat unusual first name, but my d’s bf has the same first name. So the first name thing does get kind of confusing from time to time between the two of them in terms of figuring out which mom is being referred to. </p>
<p>Anyway, its no big deal around here. My kids do call me Mom, which is fine… neither one of them is named “Sweetie” but I often call them that and worse.</p>
<p>I wish I knew what to call my bf’s parents. </p>
<p>I kind of do they HEY thing too… a majority of the time. I believe I have said Mr and Mrs a few times and nobody said anything. His mom often says like can you go give this to Bob, or dad is waiting out in the car… which I’m assuming she says sometimes because I’ve kind of became part of the family… but we’re not married so I don’t think mom and dad would be good names… I’ve heard their daughter-in-law call them mom and dad… but should I call them by first names since they refer to each other in first names to me? or Mr and Mrs until I’m told otherwise? or continue with the HEY.</p>
<p>I guess Mr and Mrs is what i say when I need to address them and a HEY doesn’t work, But I always feel weird doing that because I always called my parents friends and also my friends parents by their first names…</p>
<p>Input anyone?</p>
<p>Mr. and Mrs. until told otherwise, but start using them more often because that will probably prompt them to tell you to use their first names. Or you can ask your boyfriend and he can ask his parents what you should call them.</p>
<p>Like AlwaysAMom, all of my daughters’ friends call me by my first name (this includes boyfriends). The only time when I have been called Mrs. Last Name is perhaps if the friend barely knows me and just met me (say a college friend) and as soon as they do, I invite them to call me by my first name. Of course, besides their initial courtesy, some likely don’t even know my first name and so had to call me Mrs. Last Name initially if we just met and they didn’t grow up with my kids. But otherwise, all their friends and boyfriends have called me Susan and I think my kids do likewise with their friends’ parents if they know them and haven’t just been introduced. Our kids call us Mom and Dad, and I imagine they always will.</p>
<p>There are particular teachers from high school, including my girls’ guidance counselor and some of their college teachers, as well as advisors, who are also on first name basis.</p>
<p>I would not be comfortable with my kid’s boyfriends/girlfriends calling me by my first name. I think a certain decorum, and the respect inferred by the use of Mr. and Mrs. should be maintained, especially when the kids are below the age of 21. I wouldn’t want my kids calling me by my first name, as if we were peers. Why would I want their friends to greet me as a peer?</p>
<p>Either that or ask my boyfriends sister in law what she called them prior to marrying their son :)</p>
<p>why not, I have plenty of ‘peer’ coworkers who are 30+ years older than I am and we’re all first name based. I don’t see how it’s any different with a friends parent who is the same age as the co-workers. </p>
<p>I sat around talking to my friends mom the other day (of whom I call by her first name) for a couple of hours and it was as if we were peers. I’ve known her for about six years (I’m currently 24, met her when I was 18 - college freshman). We talked about our jobs, My new job at work, we talked about her son just getting married, whom is also a friend of mine, etc. My relationship with my boyfriend, We talked about her getting a new kitchen, I showed her the house I like on the Internet, etc. She invited me on vacation with them this coming May… so that’s something to look forward to. I went with in 2006 but was unable to go this year. </p>
<p>The question to me should be, why wouldn’t you want their friends to greet you as a peer? Especially when you are adults. I can kind of see it when the kids are younger… but once you get to college I think it helps you to be able to relate to other (older) people on a more personable level. I talked to an older person an old job of mine one day and he was saying how very few of the younger employees really know how to carry on a conversation with him. I guess I’m just weird because I’ve always called my parents friends and other adults by their first names and acted like peers - even as a child. I started working at our local corner store (a mom and pop store in a small town) when I was 14 and was on a first name basis with pretty much every single customer who came into the place…I remember sitting around the table at a bowling alley when I was little playing hearts with my dad and his friends… and sitting around the table at ceramics class with my mom and her friends. :)</p>
<p>Using last names isn’t just a matter of age, it’s a matter of familiarity- I dislike it when adults in banks/stores read my formal first name off my credit card, if they don’t know me well enough to use my nickname they should stick with my last name (another years ago pet peeve was bank tellers using last names, except for mine because it is long and hard to figure out, I don’t even pronounce it like the old country ancestors would have). It’s a business transaction, not a social interaction so it bugs me that they try to make it more social by reading a name off a card- what if I paid cash? </p>
<p>I have gotten used to being Mrs. X to my son’s HS/childhood friends instead of Ms. or Dr. Y as is correct. I still remember starting private practice and making the decision to call other physicians who were significantly older than I was by their first names when they used mine- especially as a woman I had to establish equal professional footing with them. I often tell people, such as office nursing staff when I’m the patient, to call me nickname or Dr. Y, saying the nickname is a lot shorter- sometimes to avoid being called “Mrs.” since neither my or my H’s name fit with that. I believe it all depends on the distance/level of formality you wish to maintain with various people.</p>
<p>I must add that being an adult, of any age, does not automatically make you peers with every other adult.</p>
<p>Yes, I believe it is a matter of familiarity, one that should not be automatically assumed when a child addresses an adult. Friends and collegues should almost always assume they can address one another on a first name basis, because they are on equal social footing. Kids, in my opinion, should not assume that they are the social equal of all the adults they meet. I’ll admit, I’m somewhat old school in that regard. I was raised to believe there was a certain level of formal respect that one automatically extends to one’s elders. In situations whereupon it was considered too formal to call a family friend, Mr. Edwards (just an example), we were instead instructed to call him Mr. David (if David were his first name). </p>
<p>I understand that not everyone feels the way I do on this, and I respect that. But, I would not hesitate to correct a child who presumes to get overly familiar with me, upon our meeting.</p>
<p>KIds’ friends always call us “Mr. & Mrs. X.” We have never invited any one of them to call us by first names. My kids do the same with the parents of their friends.</p>
<p>However, when I sign something (such as a card) to them, I sign it first and last names (i.e. Jane and John Doe).</p>
<p>I was brought up to use Mr. & Mrs. last name unless and until invited to do otherwise. IMO it is always better to do the more respectful thing. It can always be loosened up/made more familiar later on if wished, but it’s much tougher to go the other way.</p>