<p>Whenever I quote my father’s quips, I never know if they were original or just old saws. To me, he was hilarious and invented everything. If he were alive today, he’d have invented the Internet.</p>
<p>Anyway, he said, “Call me anything you want. Just don’t call me late to dinner.”</p>
<p>^definitely an old saw!</p>
<p>aw, yeah. well, that’s okay. </p>
<p>Garland, thanks for the wise-up here, though so I don’t embarass myself in less forgiving circumstances. :>)</p>
<p>I think I’ve kind of been in limbo with what to call friends’ parents/boyfriends’ parents/parents’ friends etc. When I was growing up (in the Midwest) it was verboten to refer to someone’s parents as Joe or Jane. Mr. and Mrs. X were the default, and pretty much only thing. When I moved to the East Coast, my younger sister had teachers that she called by their first names, and my friends’ parents were half and half. Now (on the West coast) I don’t call any of my friends’ parents Mr. or Mrs. though I usually try to avoid calling them anything at all! I wouldn’t do that uninvited, but if I’m in a situation where a friend’s mom is with me and a bunch of my friends, and they all refer to her as Jane, I’ll probably do the same. I don’t find it disrespectful - I work with people, both at home and at school, who were even older than my friends’ parents and would never have expected me to call them Mr. or Mrs. I’ll do it until I’m corrected, but I don’t really think using first names denotes disrespect.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids has ever had a serious BF or GF. But their friends all call me Mrs. Thumper (ok…that’s not really my last name…but you KWIM).</p>
<p>^^^at least they don’t call ya Bambi! :p</p>
<p>my kids don’t have BF’s or GF’s yet, but their friends refer to me as Mrs. Lastname. My mother was a real stickler on this one. She said no one under 80 except the closest friends were allowed to call her by her first name!haha</p>
<p>My S had a serious gf for 3 years in h.s. She always called H and I Mr. and
Mrs. P. but S always referred to her parents as Bill and Mary. I don’t know if he only did that around us and called them Mr. and Mrs. to their face or if they told him to call them by their first name. S really spent way more time with them (at their home, going on trips with them) than the gf did with us so maybe the relationship was just a little less formal on that side of the fence.</p>
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<p>I can do you one better . . . I did this with my in-laws. They never told me what to call them when we got married. My (now Ex-) H called my parents mom and dad. I wasn’t comfortable doing that. My parents called their in-laws by their first names. My H told me not to do that; that he thought it was disrespectful. So I never called them anything. For the entire 7 years we were married. (Wonder why that marriage didn’t work???)</p>
<p>I still (at the ripe old age of 54) call my parents’ friends Mr and Mrs unless they protest. I think it’s a sign of respect. </p>
<p>My childrens’ friends call us Mr and Mrs. At some point I’ll protest . . .</p>
<p>My students call me all sorts of things (!) - some use my first name (I prefer that), some call me Mrs., some call me Dr. or Professor, and now that I’m in the South, I do, on occasion get Miss First Name. (I don’t like that at all!) And I hate Maam. (But I ignore it . . . I’ve learned Southern children get whipped if they don’t use Maam and Sir.)</p>
<p>I have a lot of customers who call and I say something like I can bring up your account, who am I speaking with? and I get like… Susan… John… Fred It’s so annoying. Like, do they honestly think they are the only susan john or fred’s in the computer? I always feel weird because I’m following it up with “and your last name please?” And then throughout the conversation it’s like well do I call him/her mr’ or mrs so and so or do I call them susan john or fred since that’s how they’ve introduced themselves. I always wind up going with Mr and Mrs Smith unless the customer tells me otherwise, but it really bugs me when they introduce themselves like that.</p>
<p>Which I think is kind of oppisate of The doctor introducing himself to firstname.</p>
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<p>This contradictory statement seems like the gist of things. To some of us – not, it seems, to oldfort – what we are called is a formality. Something that reflects status but not the substance of the relationship, whatever it is. To others, what we are called is supposed to reflect the substance of the relationship.</p>
<p>I’m on the formality side. I actually do think of some of my children’s friends as my friends, although the type of friendship is quite different and far more distant. I’ve known them for years, seen them in a variety of contexts, heard their hopes and fears, etc. I respect them, and care about them, and enjoy it when I have the chance to see them and catch up. I know that many of my parents’ friends felt the same way about me, and I reciprocated. But none of that has anything to do with what they call me, or what I call anyone. (I switched over with my parents’ friends when I came back East after graduating from Law School, and in most cases not having spoken with any of them in 4-5 years.)</p>
<p>JHS - I think formality defines the relationship. My children would never be my friends, and I have told them so. I am their trusted ally, but not friends as equals. They will not crack the same kind of jokes they would with their friends, they will not get trashed with me, and they will not share some of intimate detail of their personal relationship with me as they would with their best friends. Likewise with my friends. When I have friends over, they are welcome to tell my friends about school, work, etc. But if I am having a girlie chat with my friends, they are not welcome to interject or join in the conversation. Many parents do find it acceptable to treat their kids as equals, or dress and act like their kids. They do not find it impolite for a 12 year old to join in adult conversation (if I am telling my friend that someone is having problem with her husband, I do not need a teenager to offer her point of view). I also do not participate in my daughter’s conversation with her friends, or initiate contact with them without my daughter’s knowledge. I treat my parents’ friends with a formality too, no matter how long I have known them. I care about them and I often ask about them. But I will address them as Mr. & Mrs. or Aunt/Uncle. I will have conversation with them or even give advise to them now, but I would not treat them as my friends.</p>
<p>this topic came up in conversation and someone asked a great question. Why do you expect your children’s friends who are in their 20s to call you Mr. 3togo but you expect your work colleagues in their 20s to call you “Fred”? Is it the age difference or the social positions?</p>
<p>In my house it was Mr. and Mrs., when married you could say “mom and dad.” </p>
<p>–When I was a kid, if I didn’t want to call my parents’ friends “Mr. and Mrs.,” I would have to ask the adult if I could call them “Aunt” or “Uncle” supplyfirstnamehere. – My mom was British, so I think this is a European thing, as most of my “American” friends did not follow this practice–just my friends with parents from “the Old World.”</p>
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<p>We do this here. Pretty common with close friends. For ease of explaining I usually just refer to those sets of families as my aunts/uncles and cousins. We spend major holidays with them, etc. It wasn’t a matter of asking, that’s just how it always was.</p>
<p>I always call my real aunts and uncles first name only, like Marie, Randy, etc… but my boyfriends family does like Aunt Marie, Uncle Randy, etc. When I refer to them within the family I will say like is your uncle randy coming over, or something like that… but when talking to the actual person I just use their first name because they aren’t my aunt or uncle. Nobody has said anything about that as of yet.</p>