<p>I just scared the living daylights out of both of my daughters. Close family friends found out they’re expecting. They’ve already got a 1 year old, so the separation will be less than 2 years. When they told us, they said “use us as an example for your kids,” because they WERE using birth control carefully and appropriately. </p>
<p>Yds, you’re absolutely right. We had two friends. She was hearing her clock ticking, but wasn’t in a relationship. One night at a party she propositioned a fellow who was a long-time platonic friend. Told him she was on the pill. Nope. She then sued him for child support…and won. Scary, scary situation.</p>
<p>I have sons. I told them everything including the fact that unless they are in a longterm relationship with someone whom they trust, they should use condoms, because unfortunately there are some women who lie about being on the pill, and if the woman gets pregnant by my sons, my sons would be expected to support the child (if the mother keeps the child), but would have no say in case of abortion or adoption.</p>
<p>I also told them that condoms don’t protect from all STDs.</p>
<p>Oh, and another thing I told them were the stories of my cousins, twins who got PG within 4-5 months of each other right after HS graduation. Both were raised religiously and so weren’t on the pill because – gasp! – that would have meant premeditation. Told ds that if there’s any chance things will progress that way, better safe than sorry.</p>
<p>I told my 3 daughters everything, in terms of the facts on STDs, condoms, pills, etc etc & I also told them that you can’t trust everybody (in fact when it comes to hookups etc you can’t trust anybody) as to how many people they have slept with, whether they do or don’t have assorted diseases and so on. And of course that none of them work unless used properly, an entirley different issue!</p>
<p>And I also told them there are risks in the hormonal approaches with pills and that the companies who make them have a big money interest in young women buying as much of the product as possible. </p>
<p>I really do believe that nature (not just religious leaders) intended for sexual activity to be between as few partners as possible---- when you think about it (and as many humans have learned to their sorrow), it is a great germ & virus spreader and nearly all species have very limited breeding seasons in which individuals have only one or a few partner/s per season. We and a few other primates treat it as social fun but that is very rare.</p>
<p>Don’t know about Costco, but Restoration Hardware has chastity belts, but you have to special order. (Even with that, a condom for a back-up is a good idea).</p>
<p>What do I tell the Ordinaryds about birth control? </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Let’s get it now; whether you need it for its intended purpose or not, there are some real benefits and nice side effects to the stuff.</p></li>
<li><p>Never, EVER, without a condom.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Sons or daughters…it’s just like riding a bike…all heads must be covered before riding. It is the slogan in our very open family…haha. Of course I have my first daughter in the sexual age so to speak, we have discussed birth control and she assures me she will let me know when she thinks she will be needing it. (so far no traveling down that path) I seriously ask her often, but she has huge career and educational goals and sex and boys just are not a priority for her.</p>
<p>But I will add this…moms and dads…PLEASE let your children know you don’t have to have intercourse to get and STD. Oral sex puts you at equal if not greater risk.</p>
<p>“Would you advise a young man to “trust” that his girlfriend is reliably using the pill?”</p>
<p>No, absolutely not! My best friend is a grandmother because her son trusted his girlfriend when she said she was on the pill. Found out after the baby was born that she had NEVER even been on the pill! This after my bf had sat them both down, at age 19 and 21, and discussed birth control, their plans for the future, etc. The girlfriend assured them that she was on the pill and had no desire to have a baby. Now, 5 years later, her son rarely sees his son, has to beg to speak to his son on the phone, has to listen to the ex talk about all her boyfriends and as soon as she moves them in, his son calling them daddy. And he pays her child support regularly, as well as buys nearly all the boys clothes, shoes and toys. </p>
<p>I have told my own son, who was just off to college when this whole mess started, not to trust anyone with his future until he is ready to live with the consequences.</p>
<p>Of course boys/ young men should be just as concerned as girls/young women about adequate birth control. All the kids should know what the risks are in terms of disease and unplanned pregnancy. Unless the guys are prepared to become fathers they should use a condom at the very least. We know that this is not fail safe. Two forms are preferred for maximum prevention. </p>
<p>Trust can only enter the picture in a committed long term relationship between mature partners - this leaves out all college bound teens (imho) and most college students. Even with trust, things may not turn out as planned.</p>
<p>“Trust can only enter the picture in a committed long term relationship between mature partners - this leaves out all college bound teens (imho) and most college students.”</p>
<p>When mine were mid-teens I went to the local university clinic and picked up literature that was very explicit about protection necessary for safe sex in the world in which our children find themselves.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Some of us don’t trust the young man. Close relative strongly encouraged her daughter to go on long term bc, over concern that drop-out, unemployed, possibly inappropriate boyfriend was very interested in the D not making it away to college.</p>
<p>We told our son that condoms are cheaper than babies… If he didn’t want to buy condoms at the store then he could order them through Amazon and they send it in a nice brown box.</p>
<p>Son replies- Mom, if I’m too embarrassed to buy condoms, then maybe I shouldn’t be having sex.</p>
<p>So far no babies - although he doesn’t have a girlfriend either.</p>
<p>LOL, me too. Talking safe gay sex with teenage S was completely beyond me. A lgbt youth center took him on a field trip to Planned Parenthood where he got condoms and information.</p>
<p>oh lord- my oldest used to be a lesbian but now she has a serious boyfriend.
Funny, to miss the days of not having birth control to worry about.</p>
<p>In addition to the information, I’m a fan of Self Magazine, which has articles almost monthly on topics related to birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, and gynecological problems or Q&A’s. A subscription is cheap, and there are plenty of other articles rating makeup and hair care products, fashion,… D read it pretty consistently, and I’d say I learned a bunch from it too – thing’s change, and they report on it.</p>
<p>D has said she plans to wait until marriage to have sex; we told her we support her choice, but if she changes her mind at some point in time, use of a condom and another form of contraception is nonnegotiable for her health and safety. We have also told her that she is welcome to use our family medical insurance to pay for contraceptives if she chooses to become sexually active, and we will not mention it to her if we see insurance billing related to that (unless she brings it up and wants to talk to us about it).</p>
<p>We have told both her and her older brother that if you have sex with someone of the opposite sex, you should be prepared to parent a child with that person. We have used the example of a married cousin of theirs who was on the pill (but also using an over-the-counter drug for a cold) and got pregnant; and also a (married) family friend with Type 1 diabetes who had already had two very complicated pregnancies and deliveries and who was on the pill because her doctor told her another pregnancy would be life-threatening – and who became pregnant anyway. No form of contraception is 100 percent effective. (I consider abstinence to be a form a birth control but not a form of contraception.)</p>