<p>I would not trust the “Girl is on the pill.”</p>
<p>She could either be lying or make a mistake and skip a pill.</p>
<p>Yup I’m in the one is better than none and two is better than one camp. And yes I tell my boys to never trust…I tell them to be personally responsible as it protects them and the girl and that trust can be interpreted in a number of ways. Sad but an eye opener my oldest has two friends with oopsies. Cute little tykes but definitely oopsies. All four of those kids are no longer in college. Sad.</p>
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<p>These kinds of posts always bother me. A man who doesn’t want to have children should ALWAYS use condoms no matter whether or not his partner is on the pill, no matter whether or not the partner is “trustworthy.” A woman can take the pill as directed every day and she could still become pregnant! I have a daughter in spite of religious compliance with pill instructions. I guess my DH’s family could say I “lied” since I obviously got pregnant while claiming to be on the pill. Sorry, but no one method other than abstinence is 100% effective. Sons should be taught this - as well as daughters- that if they do not want to have children, THEY need to take responsibility for their own choices and never just leave it all to someone else. The fact of the matter is that when one chooses to be sexually active, one accepts the risks that come with that behavior. No one gets a free pass because their partner was allegedly “taking care of things.” Leaving birth control to the other party has always and will always come with risk. A man who doesn’t want to be “trapped” will take steps to insure that the chances of that happening are minimized. Ditto for the girl. Risk is never eliminated-if that is the desired outcome, then abstinence is the only guarantee.</p>
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<p>Or take them exactly as prescribed and be one of the rare women who become pregnant in spite of compliance.</p>
<p>We have 2 girls. </p>
<p>Someone with sons said to me once, “I gues you need to be a lot more careful because you have girls. Having sons is easier in some ways, once they pass the terrible twos.”</p>
<p>I said, “My girls could have an abortion if they should choose not to be a parent, could your sons?”</p>
<p>It took few seconds for it sink in, but she got it.</p>
<p>I like Oldfort’s point, post 45. It may take “2 to tango” but only 1 gets to make the choice for 2 if a pregnancy occurs. Fair or not, the girl decides for both on the choice to have a baby or not.</p>
<p>In addition to the practical advice already mentioned, we also explained to S about fatherhood. We explained if he was man enough to make babies, then we’d consider him a man. The girl would not move in and be supported by us, and that as a man, S would be expected to support himself, and his share of baby costs. Even if he had to quit h.s. to find work, then so be it.
I’m not absolutely certain we’d have held firm on this, but he believed so, and that inspired him to be very careful.</p>
<p>Three boys here. Lots of open conversation. Lots of humor so it’s not an uncomfortable topic. We’ve told them, the LAST choices they will have is if they chose to have sex & how to protect their partner and themselves. Any other decisions beyond that will be those of the young wemon, which may include 18 years of child support and a lifetime of being a parent.
It is honestly an effort to stay connected. I even read them some of your responses and we cracked up. Loved the drugstore.com one & the kids thought the value pack from costco was thrifty (and funny). Being the only girl in the house I’ve always felt I wanted to break those barriers early, that subjects were taboo.
We have a lot of bridges left in our house. We’re just going to keep talking and laughing.
Ask my boys what they think will be harder to take to the register, condoms or tampons? H has told them before college they should beable to do both. :)</p>
<p>S has a friend who became a dad his sophomore year in high school. Believe me, S doesn’t want anything like that for himself! We had talked all along about responsible sex, anyway, but this event really cemented it in my kids’ brain … he knows that sex CAN equal kids whether you want it to or not.</p>
<p>S2 noticed the 40-pack at Costco when we went to get school supplies…I told him about CC lore on the subject. We’ve been discussing this stuff for a long time.</p>
<p>I have a nephew who became a dad at 21. He and GF gave it a go and lived together for a couple of years, but both got involved in stupid decisions ultimately involving the judicial system and they lost custody. Now the baby is with her maternal grandmother and nephew is having to prove he’s trustworthy enough for visitation. Unfortunately, he offers lessons about poor decisions on multiple levels.</p>
<p>I’ve used the “if you can’t go to a counter and buy…” argument, too.</p>
<p>Nrdsb4, post 43, agree! And want to add I told my straight sons they should start with the assumption bc was their responsibility, because condoms come with no side effects. We discussed other barrier methods and my opinions of these - as a woman. I was pretty specific about feeling it selfish to expect women to be the ones responsible for preventing pregnancy. I was also clear that a woman’s decision on bc is not to be questioned for any reason imho.</p>
<p>and a shout out to all the parents of gay sons who had to come up with a different sort of conversation than our own parents had prepared us for. … I loved your posts.</p>
<p>Kids are 23-S and 19-D and I am not a grandma :).</p>
<p>For many many years, I repeatedly tell the stories of stupid family members. One family provides two of my examples.</p>
<p>Big sis, of the two, eventually married a guy who stood-her-up twice. The first time because “he forgot he was already married”. Eventually he got divorced but by the time they got married she was in a maternity wedding gown. “She could not wait” and intentionally got pregnant because “her clock was ticking”. Really would another 3 months have mattered.</p>
<p>Younger sis while taking the pill got pregnant TWICE. One time she didn’t know why. The other “she didn’t know that antibiotics negated the pill”. It written on every pack I have ever seen. Pregnancy one, after sending THE DAD money to come see the kid for 6 months he tells her to knock it off because he is marrying his new pregnant girlfriend. Pregnancy two, the dad wanted to marry her but was jailed for assault before that could happen. She is curretnly raising two kids without a dad, no job, and living off her parents.</p>
<p>As for my kids, same advice to S & D, protect yourself AND expect the partner to protect him/herself. D has been in a long term relationship and has been on the pill, but has still not had sex. But at least she is well aware of what she will need to do should that day come. I have told her that one should only consider having sex if one is willing to deal with the possible consequences. If you are not willing to raise a child or go through one of the other solutions, then don’t have sex. This applies to both the male and female. I also explain that this is why sex is for adults. Son I have lectured but I don’t know as completely the details of his life (dad probably does).</p>
<p>I also at times like to horrify my kids by telling personal stories. For one of my pregnancies, when I told my husband we were pregnant, he asked “how?”. I use this to point out to my kids that a pregnancy can happen with just one unprotected sex.</p>
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<p>My girlfriends seriously thought I was the meanest mom on earth when I told my boys this! They were all very welcomed and wanted. It is no secret to them, or anyone in our family that one was a bonus baby.</p>
<p>^ In my case, I miscarried at 10 weeks and there was no bonus baby. Our lack of caution, that resulted in a pregnancy, stemmed from the fact that my son took 1 1/2 years to conceive and I was going to be sent to a specialist the next month if I did not get pregnant. Presto - pregnancy! We assumed I would not worry about birth control after that and that I could not get pregnant without significant effort. That was wrong. One indiscretion and was pregnant which ended in the miscarriage. Later, when I was actually trying again, it took another year and a half to conceive my daughter. The significance of my story when I tell it is that it is hard to predict when you might get pregnant.</p>
<p>BTW there are MANY bonus babies in the family. I just did not end up with any. Without trying I can think of 7 beyond those I mentioned above.</p>
<p>Oh, another piece of advice for why starting the pill early (if that is a preference) may not be a bad idea. D HATED the side effects of the first pill she was put on (she had a period for 6 weeks straight). Recently was switched to a different one. I am glad that while she is sorting this all out she is not needing the protection.</p>
<p>We have taught S about all forms of birth control, and about his responisbility in the process. He knows that condoms and dental dams during oral sex are important to prevent disease, and that he is never to “leave it up to the girl” in birth control. We have lost several friends to AIDS in our lifetimes, so he takes it seriously. We have alwso seen some o his high school friends go through unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. Luckily, he is choosing to wait for the right girl, but I do think the clock is ticking. At least he knows and has birth control at his disposal.</p>
<p>I am coming in from left field here since my D will have to go on birth control for medical (not sexual) reasons, as I did and my mother before me.</p>
<p>Due to HIPPA I cannot have any input into discussions with doctors on behalf of D, I want D to have her own discussions anyway. But I did tell her that, while assuming that the pharmaceuticals have changed (hopefully for the better) since my day, please, PLEASE, read all the information on any birth control medications a doctor suggests, including side effects and risk of stroke (which runs BIG in our family), studies done, etc. Make an INFORMED decision, and give the doctor any family history that may affect the choice of drug…</p>
<p>This is one of the most helpful threads on this board, ever. </p>
<p>Lots of great posts, but I must say (without being negative on any of the others) that OldFort’s post about sons takes the prize. </p>
<p>By the way, two girls, both off to college, and not a grandparent yet.</p>
<p>Oldforts post was right on. The girls have it easier because they make the decision.</p>
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<p>Only if he doesn’t mind being called “Daddy.”</p>
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<p>Should we post this on the Good Buy for the Day thread???</p>