<p>Regarding the Costco 40 pack of condoms: Knowing what I know…I call that optimistic. (That most freshman boys will need that many condoms that quickly.)</p>
<p>Other than that: Use birth control EVERYTHING…</p>
<p>And believe it or not, a friend of mine showed her daughter a woman’s after body shot: sagging stomach and boobs, stretch marks and a hanging stomach. In her case, worked like a charm.</p>
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<p>I was shocked at how pregnant I still looked after having delivered a baby. We never talked about that in LeMaze classes…</p>
<p>Hah - didn’t read the thread, and this is probably redundant, but my answer is: what I tell my kids about birth control is USE IT!</p>
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<p>Not to pick, but it’s HIPAA (one of my pet peeves).</p>
<p>I’d argue that you cannot have any input, but agree that you may not necessarily be involved in any discussions. If you have family health history that a physician would need to know about, you can always share that information, but in a rather vague way… meaning, you can call up the physician’s office and tell them your daughter has indicated she is a patient there, and has consulted with them about BCP options. You don’t even need confirmation from them (don’t expect it) that she’s a patient there, meaning don’t even ask them to pull her chart while you’re on the phone because that would be their confirmation to you that she’s a patient (violation of HIPAA). You can just gently remind them that there is a strong family history of strokes (you can even share who/when, etc.) and that you weren’t sure if your D had been able to give them complete details (often kids aren’t reliable family historians when it comes to extended family and illnesses) and you just want to make sure they have it. Then they can follow up with your daughter if they have any further questions/concerns. </p>
<p>For this reason alone (kids not being reliable medical historians), I’ve often thought of providing each of my daughters with a summary of significant illnesses/diseases that family on both sides have had (including aunts and uncles), that they can have on hand to give doctors when they visit (i.e., D1 knows my dad had melanoma, but doesn’t know how many times, at what age, how geography played into it, etc. that might be helpful information to her dermatologist that keeps an eye on her skin). </p>
<p>My mother’s sister had breast cancer when she was in her early 80s. She’d never had children and that placed her at a higher risk. When I’d put on my form that I’d had a maternal aunt who had breast cancer, they wanted to be able to distinguish between a woman who’d had children, and someone at age 40 vs. someone at age 80. Information like that does make a difference and it can be helpful for your health care professionals to know.</p>
<p>So, the fact that my daughter’s doctor gave her birth control pills (low dose estrogen) despite the fact that I had breast cancer, my mother had breast cancer, my grandmother had ovarian cancer, and my great grandmother died suddenly of “something.” (cancer), totally infuriates me. </p>
<p>This is not a clinic, but a private practice. I am not allowed to give my input of medical history. My daughter just snarls and says, “MOTHER! I’ll be fine!” Has she told them? Probably not. Oh, and the doctors aren’t allowed to access MY records (same hospital/same place my mother died) because of privacy. I tried to tell them, but they brushed me off.</p>
<p>I think a written family history, as well as any current rx or otc medications your daughter may be taking is very appropriate. Any illnesses from her history that would be notable as well. Offer it to your daughter, telling her it’s easy to use as a reference when speaking to the Dr and staff, filling out papers, or simply to attach to her file. She may find it much easier herself and welcome the help.</p>
<p>Note. We crossed posts ellebud. Maybe your daughter won’t want a list. It was an idea. Laws intended to protect do make some things hard to navigate.</p>
<p>I actually did that. I presented it to her, and sealed copy for the doctor’s office as well. It isn’t that she is reticent about talking…to anyone. She says that I am an “alarmist”. It’s just that she wants to pretend that she is protected by a golden shield. Nothing will ever happen. And, if it does, in the meantime, she’ll have easy periods and clear skin.</p>
<p>I really think that her attitude is very common: include the “I can’t get pregnant…we only had sex once.” and/or “I’m on the pill…I can’t get pregnant.” It is a fantasy.</p>
<p>My understanding of HIPPA is that the Dr.'s office cannot GIVE you information, not that they can’t GET information that you provide. For example, call your daughter’s medical provider’s office. Ask to speak to Dr XX’s voicemail or their nurse. Identify yourself and leave a message about your daughter’s family history or whatever you want the Dr. to know. Let them know that they can tell your daughter that you left this message. </p>
<p>I get calls in my office like this all the time. People call to report their family member is drinking excessively, or exhibiting symptoms of some kind. We thank them, tell them that we can’t confirm or deny, and put a sticky note in the chart.</p>
<p>BlueIguana and 2bizee: I’ll try that even more direct approach. I know that, in advance that she will be furious. And, again, I’ve tried, but I’ll try again. Thank you both for the additional information. You two may have saved a kid’s life today. Perhaps not my kid (who will, in all probability be fine), but another kid’s life.</p>
<p>Slightly OT, but related to letting people know medical information in an emergency if you can not…
Several years ago I was taken to the ER unable to communicate. My husband grabbed rx’s that I take, knowing he would need to tell the dr’s. Several doses had been changed, but had not been refilled so it was not reflected on the bottles. One I was no longer taking, and two had been moved to my nightstand to remind me to take them at bedtime. Suffice to say, the information was wrong. Due to ongoing health issues I do have more rx’s than most people my age. My husband could not have been expected to keep up with everything. He was devastated. </p>
<p>Now all information regarding rx’s and otc drugs, along with dr contact is kept in my smartphone where my husband knows where to find it in an emergency. He feels much better knowing he’ll get everything correct if ever needed again.</p>
<p>My boys also had a very real life example when a good friend of S1 became a father as he graduated. He and his gf spent a lot of time at our house so all three boys saw her go through the pregnancy, heard us talk about OB appts, watched them go through the process of adoption and the difficult decision that was, the strife it caused with their parents who did not agree, the gf didn’t graduate, and their friend did not go on to college. They live on their own now. Work several jobs trying to make ends meet and fight frequently while facing evection. Their friend comes here for a free meal, to hang out and be a kid again for a few hours.
He was brutally honest with all of them and said ‘We thought it would be fun to have unprotected sex. We were so stupid.’.
We love them, but they have truly become a cautionary story in our home. I think these experiences do impact kids. I do think they tend to make better decisions than they may have. They no longer see unplanned pregnancy as something that only happens to kids who drop out of school, or kids that are doing drugs. Kids are more likely to drop out of school because of an unplanned pregnancy. Sex is sex and it knows no socioeconomic boundaries when it comes to those who don’t take precautions. They learned it does happen to kids like them.</p>
<p>I am certainly confused about my experience compared to those described above.</p>
<p>When D had her appointment at the gyn, I came into the room with my daughter and participated in the discussion. I was even handed duplicates of the information she was presenting to my daughter. After the preliminary discussion, I left the room. I know (because my daughter told me the details) that at this point the doctor did the physical exam and went over topics that might not be best with mom sitting there. Should HIPPA have required that I not be there or was it OK because my daughter allowed it?</p>
<p>BTW before I get yelled at for being in the room (yes, I have been yelled at on CC), it was my daughter’s wish that I come in. She appreciated that I was able to open the door to the topic. From this point forward, I know D is prepared to go directly to the doctor about any medical concerns she may have but at the same time I know she will come to me if she is needing guidance.</p>
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<p>Neither have I. For one thing, my S had sex ed at school AND I made sure that he went to the excellent sex ed program at our church when he was in 7th or 8th grade. For another, the last time the subject of conversation veered in that direction during HS, S immediately interjected his opinion that any guy who didn’t use condoms was an idiot. Lastly, when doing his laundry or moving stuff in and out of his college dorm, I have come across empty condom wrappers and condom packages (which I discreetly pretended not to see). </p>
<p>It is true that he now has an apparently-serious GF. When we discussed this a long time ago, I pointed out to him that ALL birth control methods fail. I pointed out that the girl was the one who got to decide whether to carry a pregnancy to term, and the guy had to live with the result of her decision. I told him that couples should discuss their feelings on this subject, and moreover that people often found that their feelings once in such a situation were often unexpected.</p>
<p>I’m now thinking that it may be time for another such conversation. He’ll hate me. :)</p>
<p>Consolation - If he participated in sex ed, he indicated that lack of protection was stupid, and you have found evidence that he’s being smart about protecting himself and his partner, then I believe you did enough to make sure the message got across.</p>
<p>Every family is different, however ignoring the topic completely is never good. I am very open with my kids because no one talked to me in the hopes that meant that we would abstain. We now know better. Thirty years ago, the biggest concern our parents had was something that might be treated by antibiotics, and at worst an unplanned pregnancy. Today we know far more about STDs and we want to give our students facts so they can protect themselves and their partners health. It’s much different.</p>
<p>smoda61 - I believe if your daughter invites you in for a conversation with the Dr. then it is understood she is giving you permission to hear what is being said. If she asked anything privately during the exam, the Dr. would be bound by HIPAA not to disclose this to you.</p>
<p>I do not have daughters so I can not speak to this aspect. I still go to the Dr with my 19yo son, but leave for the exam. I let him know from the time he was 12 that anything he asked the Dr. privately was his personal business. Now it certainly is legally. The minute he doesn’t want me there to fill out papers and pay his co-pay, or needs to go for a reason he doesn’t want to share, he’ll cut me loose. He has his own insurance card, the Dr’s number programmed in his phone, and knows how to make an appt.</p>
<p>EDIT: To correct error on HIPAA (not HIPPA). I’m sorry to have irritated you I.M. My thoughts are the same.</p>
<p>HIPAA people, not HIPPA!</p>
<p>Sorry, pet peave</p>
<p>*HIPAA people, not HIPPA!</p>
<p>Sorry, pet peave*</p>
<p>Peeve not peave
;)</p>
<p>Fed law may prohibit a parent from asking about offspring’s condition or treatment, but it does not prevent a parent from telling Dr. about his/her own condition.
I could tell a Dr men in my faimily all died of Pompe disease at age of 54(an example) and point out that my S is his patient. He can piece together if family history could be gremane/hereditary to whatever he is treating my S for.</p>
<p>I told my son that in our society, a young woman cannot be forced to become a parent against her will, but a young man can find himself in that situation – and the consequence is 18 years of child support.</p>
<p>As for details about birth control, I have always discussed them openly with both my son and my daughter. But then, there is NOTHING that I won’t discuss openly – which has long embarrassed the living daylights out of my offspring.</p>
<p>As for medical history, my son has called me from doctors’ offices where he was filling out forms to find out whether he had ever had X disease or Y immunization. Oddly, my sister (three years younger than me) has done the same thing. Why am I the repository for all the medical details in our family?</p>
<p>My H printed out our state’s guidelines for child support payments. THAT was sobering!</p>
<p>This thread reminds me that I need to communicate to both of my kids that I have a genetic clotting disorder and that they should be tested for it as well next time they see their regular doc. </p>
<p>My two brothers haven’t gone to get tested, but all three of us girls have – and we all have it.</p>