<p>Sseamom- in hs, they learned high school level skills. They knew those teachers over a period of time. Most kids learn what impresses a hs teacher and many knew when they could bend lines and still get a top grade. As I tell kids asking about applications, you’re not looking to transfer high schools, some parallel path. You’re trying to move a leap up. And the experience, for many kids, is a leap up.</p>
<p>Again, you’re looking at extremes. Meet us in the middle, somewhere.<br>
I think if most of us take a hard look, we’d see all sorts of ways we continue to parent, continue to inquire or even set expectations. When they are home is an example. Not just in times of crisis.</p>
<p>ps. SSMom, I think you are the only one here posing this as daily or weekly checking. We might have a conversation about a big test they were getting ready for. No one else here is suggesting micromanagement. The parents who set a bar never said, each and every test or paper.</p>
When D1 was a freshman, I wanted to know her prelims grades. She was a math/econ major. She took an Art History course, thought she knew the material very well, studied very hard for the first prelim. She was shocked to get a C on the test, first ever for her. The professors took off a lot of points for each essay, even though she thought she had answered them correctly. There was a lot of crying on the phone. I listened to her vent, gave her a lot of pep talk, then convinced her to see her professor to go over the test. It turned out what D1 wrote were correct, but just not of B or A quality. Her professor said when asked to compare two styles of painting, she expected students to give many examples, not just two. D1 did end up with a B+ in that class, but it was done with a lot of meetings with her professor and hard work on D1’s part. I was her coach on the side line.</p>
<p>We continue to have that relationship now D1 is working. She will call me to strategize when she has a problem at work. Recently she was worried about her bonus and her first review. We talked about how she would approach her boss to get her points across and get information from him without appearing to be entitled or too pushy. She did it last week before she went on vacation, and it went very well. It gave her confidence to be able to do it next time on her own. This is something D1 has never done before when she lived at home with us. I am happy that D1 can come to me for help because I do have have 30+ years of real life experience over her.</p>
<p>Someone’s going to say, yeah, well that was a “crisis.” I think the point is, either way, we do have x years more experience and, sometimes, it is relevant to their academics or other situations.</p>
<p>* If grades are so few and far between, how does insisting on seeing those few grades help ward off failure, if you say right here that once the bad grade comes in, it’s too late? That’s what I’ve been saying all along! We’re saying the same thing, only disagree on seeing the grades by command, I think.*</p>
<p>It isn’t really seeing the grades. IMO seeing the grades isn’t as helpful as seeing the corrected tests, which apparently aren’t available.
It’s having access to blackboard, to seeing what is due when, to see how many points are allotted to work and getting an idea of the syllabus.
When your child has had difficulty, I’m hoping that having an idea of the class structure and when encouragement or reminders could help, will help her have a successful term.
Weve already put things in place like outside tutor, which was difficult to find, now I just learned that the tutor isn’t comfortable with her level of work in some subjects and we have to find another one.
& I thought I was saving money by having her go to a public school.</p>
<p>We probably don’t need POA as we have all the same last name. However last year there was an incident where a neighborhood elementary school student (2nd grade) was being questioned by the principal in her office regarding sexual harassment ( she was the victim) and when her mom showed up at the school, they wouldn’t let her into the interview because she had a different last name, even though she explained she was the mom.
pOa wouldn’t have helped that situation, but I can imagine those that it would.</p>
<p>“We might have a conversation about a big test they were getting ready for. No one else here is suggesting micromanagement.”</p>
<p>And that makes perfect sense. As does oldfort’s example about her D calling crying about the low grade. As parents we WANT our kids to ask advice. But these examples are nothing like the parents saying that if you don’t show us your grades, you’re on your own to pay for school. They’re nothing like pulling a kid our for a 2,5 GPA (maybe oldfort’s D was crying because that C was going to get her pulled out??). </p>
<p>It’s the demanding part I don’t understand. The my way or the highway. But the above? That’s just what I would do-have done.</p>
<p>EK-I can imagine it would be very important for the parents of an LD student to be right on top of what they have due and when, and to get the tutoring you mention. I know nothing of this, though, but have heard from friends that some colleges have help available to such students-I guess I would start there if I had such a child.</p>
<p>As for being allowed in somewhere-my H and I are different races and have often been assumed not to be together. H was once blocked from my hospital room-he had to prove he was with me. It’s a common problem for mixed-race families. I haven’t had to prove I’m D’s mother, except in informal settings.</p>
<p>Also, in my world…getting pulled out of college for low 2.x GPA or worse during freshman/sophomore year was considered prudent/responsible parenting in light of a given student’s mediocre/failing academic performance with the exception of known LD or a sudden emotional traumatic event(s)…especially if an undergrad fails to understand the gravity of his/her situation and/or fails to try working with parents/family to understand the cause of the problem and coming up with a workable plan to resolve them. </p>
<p>Some uncles and aunts clearly marked that out as a possible outcome before undergrad to my older cousins with one notable exception who ended up regretting not making that expectation clear when her son ended up causing her much worry/anguish and concern mixed with frustration at that son from the rest of the family for nearly flunking multiple times due to concentrating too much on his party/beer major at the expense of everything else during the '80s. </p>
<p>Several families in my old NYC neighborhood and those of colleagues I’ve worked with actually carried out it out. Those families’ children either had to find whatever jobs that will hire them, do volunteer service with services like City Year, or join the military. Knew some in my neighborhood who ended up either making the military a 20+ year career as a Vietnam vet uncle of an elementary school classmate did as a Marine SNCO. </p>
<p>Others could be like a colleague who joined the army after his parents pulled him out of college due to academic suspension brought on by his self-admittedly “partying/drinking his scholarships away”. Ended up serving in Iraq during 2003-4, did well enough to serve a stint as a drill sergeant, and then ended up going back to college on his GI Bill and excelled in the remaining semesters till graduation. The Army even tried solicited him to re-enter as a commissioned officer(2nd Lt.). However, by that point he was ready to move on to his next phase of life.</p>
<p>abs, I’ll comment on the password thing. Again, as in parenting, things need to be adjusted for the individual and family. In my family, is it absolutely ESSENTIAL that everyone knows my parents’ passwords. Whether they know mine or not isn’t a huge deal. I have them listed somewhere in case something happens to me. </p>
<p>However, my dad was in a wreck many years ago. Ever since, he has both long term and short term memory loss. If we don’t know his passwords, he could very easily be locked out of many important things. My mom’s health is not great so that’s not reliable either. </p>
<p>However, work passwords are another thing. I don’t share my work passwords and neither did my mom when she had a job. My dad has been disabled since the accident so that’s not even in play.</p>
<p>Oldfort-I’ve seen on this thread and the other one about grades and passwords parents saying that if their child had a GPA below a certain point they would be pulled out of school and/or made to attend a lower level college close to home where they could be watched more closely. I thought one of those parents was you. Perhaps I remembered incorrectly. But my point remains-I wonder if some of the angst over a single low grade some of these kids get is because they have parents with rules like being pulled out over a low GPA?</p>
<p>My personal experience is nothing remotely close to such rules.</p>
<p>I am one of those parents who would pull my kids out of college if they were not performing in college. But you were making a big assumption about D1 was crying because she was afraid she would be pulled from her college over one C. Her grades were good enough that one C wouldn’t have hurt her over all GPA that much. If it was the only concern, she could have changed it grading to P/F. She was more upset because she thought she had done all she could and the result was so dismal. I was able to coach her into bringing that grade up.</p>