@conmama, I was in a very similar place, and I joined a Giving Circle. I think most major cities would have one. It is a group of women (in our case 400, but most are smaller). We each chip in a set amount of money, and then we give grants to local non profits. The grant making process is exciting, complex, and rewarding. We have an application process and work in teams to evaluate the applications, visit the non profits, etc. It is easy to get involved and do as much or as little as you want, but so many amazing women belong! We also do a number of educational activities and have an affiliated book club. It has been wonderful for me intellectually nd socially. Might be an option to investigate in your area!
Good luck with your search for something fun!!!
@conmama: I’ve tried several volunteer activities over the years, including Dress for Success. IME, it takes a while to find the one that plays to your strengths and where you feel you can add value. Don’t volunteer for something that anyone can do; volunteer for something where your unique skills are needed. I’ve volunteered for Literacy Volunteers in my town, teaching English as a Second Language, and I’ve enjoyed it very much. I’m on hiatus right now but expect to get back to it in the fall. This was something that worked for me.
@amarylandmom and @VeryHappy Thanks for the heads up on both of these organizations. I know I’m not alone in this, and what that one poster put about community, structure and meaning to fulfill a person really resonated with me. I do want to play to my strengths and things I like. I’m very organized and methodical. I’m not shy in asking alot of questions to understand things. I’ve worked with my younger DS for years, I think I"m a patient teacher…although I’m not particularly a patient person in other areas of my life. I love fashion (that is why I thought Dress for Success). VeryHappy, what was your experience with that. Please PM me if you want. I’m going to check out the Giving Circle…sounds like something that fits my personality. Thanks Ladies, your posts made me feel not so alone. This has really been bothering me for a couple of years.
@conmama: I sent you a PM.
I am very shy and not much of a “volunteer” type, but I have volunteered at several of the local Friends of the Library groups and have met many really nice ladies, and feel like it is a nice way to chip in. Plus you get to go through the book donations before anyone else does and nab the best ones! 
@conmama, you sound amazing, and I think a Giving Circle would be thrilled with your organizational skills. And I expect many non profits would value those as well!! Keep us posted!!!