What are your personal guidelines to change direction in your life?
I’m talking mundane (NOT marriage for example or even jobs)
When do you know that it’s time to let go of clubs (and the friends you’ve made–my main problem) to do something new? And how do you make the break without burning bridges?
When that activity brings you more agita than joy over a period of time. When that activity is something you come to dread rather than anticipate. You can often keep the friends outside of the activity.
Up the ante a bit…jumping from one club to another that does the same activity.
Heavily active in club A but club B may be better fit but with some practical draw backs (time/distance).
It’s not a matter of “dreading” anything. That would be easy.
For the past 2 years, my mantra is ‘life is too short to be miserable’. With that I walked away from a very high paying Wall Street job and now enjoy the little things in life.
I have distanced myself from people who are always Debbie Downers and don’t share my outlook on life.
Can’t you just try out club B for a bit, without making a commitment, and having to quit club A? Seems like you could do both for awhile, and see what feels right. See if it’s worth it to jump ship or not. You can still keep the friends from club A, it’s not like you’re dumping them.
When you just can’t take it anymore.
When you are up for a change and a bit of risk, when you are clear that it is okay to reach for the potential of the less well known, rather than keep with the complacency of the familiar. When it hits you to “just do it”. I need momentum to change.
In the case described, maybe more info or a chance to try it out as others mentioned would help.
Best with your options.
I wish I knew. I haven’t changed course much in my life and after 51 years, there are many more regrets for hanging onto something(s) too long rather than ditching it too soon.
If you try Club B and it doesn’t work out, will you be able to return to Club A? If so, there’s really no risk.
I “broke up” with my book club. When I realized that a) I didn’t like the books everyone chose b) they didn’t even discuss the book and c) if it weren’t for book club I wouldn’t hang out with these people, I knew it was time to pull the plug. I just disappeared for awhile but the club is on facebook and I kept being tagged and asked if I was coming. I emailed the lead person who gathered it and backed out gently. I just didn’t feel like I clicked with them, and with precious free time I wasn’t about to waste it on something I didn’t enjoy.
Both meet the same night and both require a big time commitment. Argghh…I’m one of those slow to change people too. I’ll probably test the waters a bit. Just looking for a magic solution. But you all are right–life’s too short.
When I dread it I make clean cut. No looking back.
For me, it was when I realized that it made more sense to be nostalgic about the good parts from the past rather than be stressed and hurt about the present.
Just back to say I made (or in process of making) the change to club B. If I was in the college forum I’d say “it is a better fit…”
.I visited club B intending to just visit and test the waters in my usual careful way (wade in, don’t dive) but the universe thought I needed a major knock on the head instead to bring me to my senses. The members made me “dive head first”–no sitting around–“do it or don’t” seemed the motto. I could’ve backed out at any point but my heart was all in. I loved every single moment.
I will keep an association with club A since that is possible.
“Life IS way too short”. I heard that over and over. When something that is supposed to bring you joy (especially a hobby!) no longer does you need to look further be it a new venue or a new hobby. I know it’s the right decision (even if harder on time commitment) because I already feel so much lighter and more positive than I have in months.
I just let go when I feel it’s a drag. I mean I very gained less and less. Time, energy, or anything else.
I have a very close friend struggling with ovarian cancer. It’s a wretched disease and when I go and sit with her to give her family a break, I have been realizing that so much of the stuff that bothers me is petty and that I need to avoid the folks that don’t bring joy. Life is way too short. If you are miserable in your current situation, figure out how to make a change and do it.
@gouf78, congratulations. You took a risk and it paid off! Enjoy club B.
Well, I cut a lot of activities out when I moved to another state. 
Actually, I miss some of them. But there were some that I was happy to let go of.
But, aside from that, I like trying new things, and so sometimes have to let go of one thing to try another. There isn’t time for everything, plain and simple. Surely people can understand wanting to switch things up now and then? Or that one might want to take a break? A couple of people in my current book club have opted out – one was in two book clubs and that was too much. The other one said she just doesn’t feel like reading right now, and is taking a break. I don’t have a problem with any of that. Another was going to opt out, was feeling down because of a personal loss, but then changed her mind and opted back in.
For example, I like singing in choir, and I also like taking art classes. Sometimes I stop going to choir for a while in order to take an art class that looks interesting. No one seems to mind, but I am always welcomed back into choir after the class is over. I guess not every group is like that, but I seem to be gravitating more and more toward groups that are flexible that way. And I think there are more groups like that than there used to be.
Oh – I see that you made the change! Posted without seeing that. Good for you. It is fun to try new things.
Just tonight sent an email to the glass fusion group and said I would not longer be attending.
I was no longer looking forward to it. This was not horribly difficult as I had not been close to them.
I have ended a number of friendships quietly over the past. That is difficult for most of us.
I have decided that I will accept lonelinees over angst of testy negative people.
I am more alone but less anxious and more content.
This is timely as I feel I need more in life. Like most moms, my days were filled to overflowing and I loved it. I had so much adult interaction in the neighborhood because we all had to be out. Now our kids are grown, I work 30 hours a week and when I get home I’m bored and starving for friends to talk to. But my friends are still working and busy with their lives on the weekdays. Now with DS leaving in August I really have too much time on my hands alone.
I’ve never really had hobbies. I started an exercise class but that really doesn’t fulfill my need to interact…just good for exercising. I need to start finding things to do, be around people, jumpstart and rev my life up. I think I need to find some volunteer opportunities. I’ve never volunteered before. I’ve been reading up on Dress For Suucess. Not too crazy that the place is 13 miles away though, and not in the best location downtown. But I have to get out of the house at least a couple of days a week after work. I know it sound crazy, but I’m so nervous to take this plunge.