<p>I’ve been through hell with guys. Everything that a man could do to woman has happened to me except one thing until now. I’ve been hurt so much that I learned how to be strong and not to fall for another man at my age only if they are worth it. I’ve been single for two years until now. I thought my man now was absolutely worth my time. Yet, I haven’t let go of my past of my past relationships, which I put upon him. I worried he was cheating on me or something. He told me he wasn’t hiding anything from me and he loves the fact that he likes to inform me with everything he’s doing. This is the first man I ever had strong feelings for, I might even love him. But he was lying to me, he lied about his sexual orientation. I thought he was straight. He looked straight and he acted straight. I guess looks could be really decieving. He told me yesturday that he is bi-sexual. Ever since then I was crying. I woke up at 4 am crying. I’m still crying now. He completed the list of all things a guy could do wrong to me. I remember imagining a what if scenerio if something like this will ever happened to me, which I never wanted it to happen, but it did. I don’t know what to do, I want to be strong and walk away, but I still want to be with him. I wish this was all a sick joke or even my worst nightmare. Should I stay with him? Or should I go? Should I stay with him because I love him, but just the think of it. Maybe he had sleeped with a man or I don’t know. Someone please give me some good advice.</p>
<p>Darling, do not walk, run. You don’t need this, it can only be hurtful. He needs to figure thingss out and you can remain friends if you like.</p>
<p>Are you upset that he:</p>
<ol>
<li>Lied to you about his sexual orientation?</li>
</ol>
<ul>
<li>or - </li>
</ul>
<ol>
<li>Is bisexual?</li>
</ol>
<p>He likely lied to you because he didn’t know how were going to take it, and he didn’t want to lose you over this matter. However, your post seems to validate him. Why should him being bisexual make this your “worst nightmare”? He’s not homosexual; he’s bisexual. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, and it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t love him. There’s no need for this to be “a sick joke”. I don’t think he’s done anything wrong to you; I think you ought to accept him for who he is, and accept any “baggage” as part of who he is. Has he slept with a man? Possibly. Unless you’re particularly religious, this doesn’t make him any worse of a person than if he’s slept with a woman.</p>
<p>All these people urging you to drop this guy just because he’s not normal strikes me as more than a little inconsiderate and discriminatory.</p>
<p>No. Do not stay with him for one second. Leave, and cut off connections for a few weeks. Then give friendship a try. But it doesn’t sound like he’s totally willing to commit as a romantic partner.</p>
<p>Did he tell you he was stright? Otherise, he didn’t lie. He may have ommited, but if he’s not out to a lot of people, that’s a really had thing to tell, people, even people you love. There are for more mundane things about myself I haven’t told my BF of two years because I’m embarssed/ashamed, but if/when I do tell him I’m 100% sure he’ll just be happy I’m opening up to him even more.</p>
<p>Anyway, I agree with Yawn. Unless you have a strong moral problem with any sort of queer identification, there is no reason this should effect your realtionship. So, he’s attracted to guys? Guess, what, any straight guys will be attracted to other girls; this does not make him any more likley to cheat or whatever.</p>
<p>I don’t know why people are saying it doesn’t sound like he’s willing to commit. The only reason I think you should break it off is if you can’t morally accept his bisxuality–in which case you should break it off because he deserves someone who can respect who he is.</p>
<p>Also, there is no “Straight” way to look or act, nor is there a “bi” way or a “homosexual” way.</p>
<p>OK, he’s bi, but is he republican?</p>
<p>(People don’t usually explicitly say " I am straight." Unless that happened, there was no need to ever doubt that he was bisexual. You may be a victim of your own mores.)
Take it from his (possible) perspective:
- He has a property that is often used as a lightning rod for hatred.
- He likes you and trusts you.
- He exposes himself, ie he makes himself vulnerable to you, expecting your trust.
- You overlook your entire relationship and reject him for that.</p>
<p>One (not necessarily myself) might rush to judgment and say that a person who exhibits “your” behaviour (of course, we don’t know exactly what you and he did) would be something at least slightly related to being a nasty, horrible, hateful, absolutist b**** who doesn’t really give that much about love, but let me remain polite and restrain analysis until we have further details.</p>
<p>But I wouldn’t blame anyone for feeling uncomfortable with having a bisexual partner. I don’t know; it just seems like a compatibility thing, like organizational skills, looks, etc.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>I don’t understand the compatubulity argument. It’s not the same as having, say, a poly partner when you prefer monogamy; that really is a matter of fit. But the fact is, if you’re in a monogoumous reatlionship your partner is a) going to be physically attracted to other people somtimes and b )stay faithful, unless they are a jerk (which obviously has nothing to do with sexual orientation). What differance does it make if they are attracted to Brad and Angelina instead of just Angelina?</p>
<p>He’s still the same guy, and they are obviously compatable.</p>
<p>But I wouldn’t say that it’s wrong for someone not to be in a relationship with someone who is bisexual because they feel uncomfortable. Same with basically anything else in a romantic partner. The OP’s post borders on prejudice (actually, more than that), but the fundamental message I think is a somewhat valid one.</p>
<p>Let me see…Is there any natural trait you wouldn’t want in a partner? I know there are acquired personality traits that would turn me off…Let’s see. Oh, if someone was into some weird fetish (naturally, and I’m NOT AT ALL saying bisexuality is a disorder of any kind) and said they wouldn’t push it in marriage, I still wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. Maybe my preferences are horridly outdated.</p>
<p>^ Well, in this situation, the “weird fetish” would be one that you already have. Aka, the threadstarter is upset that her boyfriend shares her taste in men.</p>
<p>Additionally, it would be a “weird fetish” that is never practiced. Aka, just because he’s bisexual doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on her for guys any more than he would for women.</p>
<p>If you guys think this is some kind of “sick nightmare” for the threadstarter, just imagine how the guy must feel, knowing that he might lose someone he loves due to a personal quality beyond his control.</p>
<p>yawn, that’s the point. The knowledge (not practice) may freak someone out beyond reparation. The bisexuality itself may have no impact on the relationship, but knowledge of it does.</p>
<p>^ What it boils down to is whether or not your lover’s attraction to others of a different gender is any worse than attraction to others of your own gender.</p>
<p>I, personally, am attracted to girls, so it would be quite ludicrous of me to condemn a girl for feeling the same way. -_-</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Neither are most fetishes. </p>
<p>I totally get where you’re coming from, and I certainly don’t think that one should continue dating someone who makes you uncomfortable, because if nothing else, the partner deserves better. OTOH, I think one should probably consider what it is about their partner’s bisexuality that freaks them out so much, and whether or not that has anything to do with culturally learned prejudices. Not that it would necessarily change how one feels, but it might change how one approaches the topic (and I still don’t think it’s quite a compatibility issue). </p>
<p>Of course, I also have some friends who are into some pretty hardcore BDSM, so I’ve also thought a lot and learned a lot about changing opinions about people with differing sexual desires. That said, I probably wouldn’t be able to keep dating someone who told me they were a furry, so I guess I get what you’re saying.</p>
<p>Did he say that he wanted to be with other men and you at the same time? If not, he’s no more likely to cheat on you with a guy than a girl.</p>
<p>Is he questioning his commitment to you? How did this situation arise in the first place? </p>
<p>I doubt that he said this as a “sick joke” but as a way to open up to you. He probably didn’t say anything to begin with because he did not want to lose a relationship over it, then when he revealed it he felt that he could trust you by then. </p>
<p>If you’re not comfortable with it for moral or religious reasons, you should break up with him because he should not have to deal with someone who will not accept it or feel awkward about this.</p>
<p>Why are you so freaked out over this? Just because he’s bi doesn’t mean he’s sleeping around with other guys or anything…</p>