<p>That seems like a really great compromise, Mombot.</p>
<p>When we moved from west coast to east coast 3 years ago the availability and cost of graduate schools was one of the top factors in our decision on where to re-locate. It was for the very reason the previous poster mentioned.</p>
<p>We narrowed our location based on in-state school options, tuition at state schools for in-state residents both grad and undergrad and variety of grad school programs. Oldest daughter needed an in-state vet school, others were looking at possible MD programs and MD/Phd and other engineering grad schools.</p>
<p>With 5 kiddos, we knew it would help out significantly.</p>
<p>Of course, 3 of 5 so far are OOS undergrad but with the caveat it had to be less monetarily than their in-state options, since their in-state options are pretty awesome. So far, so good. </p>
<p>Oldest is making much use of her in-state options and her sister (OOS now) is planning on joining her next year. We planted ourselves within driving distance (commute) of 3 of the state’s powerhouse universities (2 being in-state where tuition is extremely reasonable for in-state). Makes me happy!</p>
<p>They were all part of the decision when we were first looking and researching various locations so they are happy as well.</p>
<p>Kinda like my ace-in-the-hole to having them all back home eventually!!!</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>“We told the kids that if they plan to attend grad school, our contribution would be a free place to live.”</p>
<p>Gosh, I wish we could do that. She’s choosing all places that are 3,000 miles away, all places where they will pay her handsomely, well above cost of living, and all places where we couldn’t afford to live.</p>
<p>
Yeah, we would do the same I think. We are within a half hour of an Ivy and numerous other great schools so D could do the grad school thing with excellent options from home base. She wants a few years in the work world first though before deciding on any grad program, which we think makes good sense.</p>
<p>
Hope you aren’t taking it too personally! ;)</p>
<p>
I think your family saga of pulling up stakes and moving to a location that made great sense for the future educational needs of all your kids is wonderful. Glad it has worked out so well! :)</p>
<p>watch Avenue Q, and you will know all the essentials for transitioning out of college…lol</p>
<p>My eldest is our first to go to college. He has an extremely good head on his shoulders, and he is someone who shows initiative and motivation. He will have no loans to pay when he graduates, and he’s managing his spending money very wisely.</p>
<p>His chosen career, though, is not very lucrative unless and until he becomes very well established years down the road. </p>
<p>Still, he’s working at it hard already, making plenty of contacts and I’m so very proud of him. He goes to school in the city, and I know he plans to live there after he graduates – which is the right move for him, I think.</p>
<p>We’ve told him we can’t pay for any grad school because his younger sister will be in college right behind him. He gets that and is fine with it, especially since he has no undergrad loans to pay. He may go to grad school down the road, and would love to find an employer to subsidize that.</p>
<p>I know he’s one of those kids who won’t be chasing the almighty dollar, and will be after experience and excitement in his chosen concentration more than anything else (meaning lots of free-lance work). I think your 20s is the time for that kind of exploration, so I hope he can do that.</p>
<p>My only concern is continued health care coverage. Right now our plan will boot him off when he graduates. I’d hate to have to see my son take a job he hates simply for the benefits and, honestly, I don’t see him doing that. He’s one of those kids who will roll the dice and go without health care, especially because he has a minor pre-existing condition that will price him out of purchasing his own private insurance on a low salary. </p>
<p>I’m hoping for some reform in the much-promised area of universal healthcare before he graduates in two years. I love the proposals both democratic candidates have put forth that will allow parents to continue keeping their children on their own insurance plans until they reach the age of 23 or 25 (I’ve heard both ages proposed).</p>
<p>I’ll definitely sleep better if that becomes the case. Otherwise, I can’t see letting my son go uninsured if he works in a job that doesn’t provide insurance. In that case, we’d have to insist he find his own coverage which we would gladly subsidize. That’s financial support I’d gladly give. Kids have no idea how much medical care costs! A simple broken bone can run $5,000!</p>
<p>We consider our older son disabled and, therefore, allow him to live at home rent-free. He has a part-time job and is required to pay for anything but the basic necessities. It drives us all crazy, but I know he cannot survive on his own. He is just now learning to drive at age 19 and I don’t forsee him driving on his own until age 21 because he is a slow learner. He rides his bike to work and school. He wants to move out, but also wants to finish school and will have to take it slowly because he can’t handle many courses at a time. He sleeps until noon. I solved the problem by going back to work so I’m not around to be irritated by it.</p>
<p>My younger son spent the past two summers as a camp counselor so lived on his own, did his own laundry, etc. This summer he will do it again and then, he will go off to school and will likely never live with us again. He is completely self-sufficient at age 18. I’m sure he could work his way through college if he had to, but we are happy to pay his way so he can start life with no debt.</p>
<p>Each child is unique. You do what you have to do because you love them. Also, in Europe it is more common for adult children to live at home until they are married. It’s more efficient economically.</p>
<p>Regarding health insurance… It’s wise to put children on their own plans as soon as possible. Blue Cross offers something called the Tonik plan which is only around $100/month. Once they have private insurance they can never be canceled. If they are on the parents’ plan and something bad happens - a head injury, cancer, a drug conviction - they become uninsurable through private plans and will be forced to find a job with benefits.</p>
<p>I just checked, and the Tonik plan is not available in every state.</p>
<p>ricegal,
There is a special place in heaven for the devoted parents of disabled and special needs children.</p>
<p>What we told our son:
After graduating from USC we told our son, “good luck” call us if you need advice and he was always welcome to come for a visit any time. He understood from day one that once he graduated from college he was on his own (we’ve seen too many college grads move back home). He decided to get into the workforce right away and get some real world experience before going after his MBA. When he does go to grad school he is well versed in financial aid applications.</p>
<p>What we told our Daughter:
Didn’t have to say much. When she graduates from West Point next year she will be responsible for the lives of the soldiers under her command and probably civilians as well. Not much we can tell her anymore anyway. She will go to grad school but on the Army’s nickel.</p>
<p>my parents, both my mom and my dad tells me i can stay at either of their places and would be willing to support me. Why they would do that, i don’t know but I don’t really expect to live with my rents, and especially not have them pay for any of my responsibilities.</p>
<p>My dad gave me 3 months to find a job, during which time I could live rent free at home. Of course, it was “my house, my rules” once again, which was hard to live with but encouraged me to find a job and an apartment fast.</p>
<p>Should there be a set time limit? Yes and no. If your child is truly looking for a job and not finding anything, why add homelessness to their woes. Require them to get a minimum-wage job while hunting for the right career-tracked job if it takes longer than expected, but don’t throw them out unless they’re ne’er-do-wells.</p>
<p>Siilverbullet, it’s easier to make that offer to a kid you are fairly certain won’t want to take you up on it! 
That way, they know you’re there for them in a pinch … but they are pretty sure you’ll do your best to strike out on your own.</p>
<p>I was raised by a father who announced that everybody was getting luggage on their 18th birthday. I am now married to a man who says “you Americans are so willing to throw your kids out when they turn 18. In the rest of the world, families stay together.” I am perfectly happy to live with my children for the rest of their lives. It won’t happen, of course, because I guess when they know that we are always here, and we want them here, they can’t wait to leave! Son is in grad school and has not lived at home since the second summer of undergrad. Daughter is in a dorm and the third is still in high school. I seriously would be thrilled if they all lived right here in the same area after college.</p>
<p>I, too, would love to have DS here or close by, but it will not happen. Or if it does, it will be for the shortest possible time.</p>
<p>Number one: we live in about the worst state in the nation in which to undertake a new career.</p>
<p>Number two: DS is uber responsible and cognizant of the money we are spending to put him through school (and not because we are mentioning it)</p>
<p>Number three: DS, as a sophomore, already is putting his career on track by diligently seeking and then accepting an internship. The one he is taking puts him 10 hours away. :(</p>
<p>I have been wrong before and could be again, but I don’t see him boomeranging. But, if he did, he would be very welcome, because in addition to the whole unconditional love business, we all get along and enjoy each other—with respect and some boundaries.</p>
<p>We lucked out with a great kid.</p>
<p>^^^I just re-read my post, above. It sounds smug. I do not feel smug. And I don’t mean to imply that a student who does return home is not “a great kid.”</p>
<p>But I do feel fortunate, because I know other loving, well-meaning parents who are not in such a pleasant situation.</p>
<p>What we are doing: D#1 graduated last May and already had a full-time job near home lined up (had it as p/t while in college). So we are thrilled she’s home. We gave her one of our cars (DH and I work for the same med school), and she has already paid off 1 school loan, nearly paid off a second, set up an IRA and contributes to it monthly. What we tell her: once the loans are retired, she should save as much as she can while her living expenses are low. She pays for cell phone, gas, clothes. And when she runs errands for us she doesn’t want to be paid back!</p>
<p>I’ve told my kids to stay in school as long as they can and avoid the real world but they don’t seem to want to listen. My son graduates college in May (done in 4 years), blew off grad school and has a job lined up which I must admit is his proverbial dream job so I understand his decision.</p>
<p>My daughter is finishing freshman year of college and plans on attending summer school this year and next, hoping to graduate in less than 4 years. </p>
<p>Not sure I understand their rush, but they seem to know what they want to do. They must get it from their mom 'cause I’d go back to school if any place would accept me.</p>