what I am glad I did

Parent Cafe
1

<p>well I really didn’t even want to get * started* with all the mistakes that I made when raising my kids- but in honor of father days coming up- ( even though I am the wrong sex for that)
I am going to give myself a pat on the back for things I am glad I did.
I stayed at the hospital everyday for at least 10 hours with my oldest ( she was in for 8 weeks) ( oh and breastfed both of them- forever)
I bought lots of books for them to read ( oh boy did I )
I enrolled them in co-op preschool type classes as soon as I could, they got kids to play with & I got support.
I let them try out lots of extra classes when young, both did Gymboree, oldest did ballet ,gymnastics and choir, younger gymnastics and basketball & soccer ( still in soccer)- lots of camps in the summer & riding lessons ( ok so they were cheap)
I knew what they were doing and where they were at.
I know their friends and often their friends parents ( not so much after they became teens)
I drove them where ever they wanted to go- I let them do things ( mostly) that seemed really important to them, if they could give a good argument- not as stubborn as I look ;)</p>

<p>THey both like all kinds of food- not like their dad who was raised on white scandinavian food, they like THai,Indian,Ethopian,Vietnamese, and pacific northwest specialities like raw oysters and cooked geoduck.</p>

<p>I was involved with both of their schools,I wanted to know their teachers, and show them that I thought academics were important, and it was worthwhile for me to spend my time volunteering in the schools.</p>

<p>I married a guy who likes kids-he isn’t condescending, he isn’t overly critical, and every year he took a week off of work to go on their overnight field trips ( until I finally got my turn when youngest was in 8th gd).</p>

<p>( now I am the bad cop who rides herd on their homework and he is the good cop who says- oh you have been working hard enough- but still I know some husbands who try and hold their kids to an unattainable ideal- I would rahter be the bad cop)</p>

<p>Since we don’t always get much of a summer vacation with the kids various camp/volunteer schedules, I made sure that we take a winter vacation together for almost a week every year.</p>

<p>I have made sure that we are fairly active, we go for walks and camping for family time, play sports, ski, and we all know how to swim.</p>

<p>* did I mention the books?*
we have a lot of books</p>

2

<p>That’s very nice Emeraldkity. I especially like all the time you put into them. You are responsible for their success! I also enjoyed your other post about family , very tongue in cheek!</p>

<p>I am also glad to put so much time into the kids. I’m glad I was educationally and sports oriented with them too.
I’m c.c.ed out. That’s it.</p>

3

<p>Travel, travel, travel. S has been to all 50 states and many, many countries. His international travel started at 6 months old and when he was 3 years old, he was with us on a cave exploring expedition in the mountains of Transylvania (NW Romania). There were other kids in the camp and since we’ve been back 6 more times, they all kind of grew up knowing each other.</p>

<p>Books, books, books and LOTS of time reading out loud.</p>

<p>Never allowing a Nintendo or X-Box in the house, nor giving shoot-em-up video games as presents.</p>

<p>Supporting any arts or creative or technical endeavors to the fullest, including any art supplies or materials needed and spending money on equipment or travel or software that supported creativity (for example a professional video camera, animation software, film editing software, 4 hours of driving a month (each way) to support his science fair project, summer programs in far away cities, etc). Now that he’s in college, what seemed “expensive” at the time now looks like a great bargain. :slight_smile: I was torn about that at the time (are we spoiling him?), but it worked out well.</p>

4

<p>I didn’t pass on my fear of flying! I also am pleased with the amount of travel we’ve done with the kids and all the places they’ve been. </p>

<p>Sending them to college with zero loans.</p>

<p>Neither kid is fat, and they both know how to cook.</p>

<p>No TV or video games. Except for the computer games my son wrote for himself.</p>

<p>Both are extremely comfortable with computers and technology.</p>

<p>They’re both safe drivers who know how to drive a stick-shift. More thanks to their father than to me. He did the in-car teaching, I did the white-knuckling.</p>

5

<p>my list (in no particular order)</p>

<p>-Lots of number games. my kids knew how to calculate a 15% tip at an early age
-The strength and wisdom to get a divorce. 2 happy households is a lot better than 1 unhappy household
-Have never catered to a food dislike (with the exception of beans for S2). my kids eat everything
-Traveling and going to music festivals while they are in their teens (and hopefully ongoing)
-Always believing in the tooth fairy
-Providing them a religious education
-Having a few, meaningful traditions, such as getting a special book at each birthday
-Discussing serious things in the car. They know that after 60 minutes in the car, the subject will turn to sex,drugs,and rockandroll
-Working hard to grow good men (especially with respect to their relationships with others)</p>

<p>But the best part for me, is that I really enjoy being with my sons</p>

6

<p>All very good things done by all… The biggest thing I did was make sure I was there, I was a part of good and bad experiences. I didn’t vacate my responsibility of having children to somebody else. However, we didn’t do it alone either. The somebody else’s who came along over the years joined us to help provide guidence and support.</p>

<p>The biggest problem I saw among many parents of kids who struggled was they weren’t giving up what they wanted to do, over what was best for their children. They skipped open house, teacher confrences and such because “friends” was on. They showed little actual interest in what their kids were going through education wise. When they did, it was usually in the form of a hurricane of outrage over a problem. A problem easily avoided had they been involved.</p>

<p>There are actually many ways to grow a successful child. To me, the biggest factor was being there, even when I didn’t really want to. You see I liked “friends” too. I just figured I see it in reruns where as my kids, I don’t get a do over.</p>

7

<p>As Opie said: “the biggest factor was being there”. I also am glad I was always there for the games, the recitals, the open houses, the horse shows, the bf/gf problems, was always awake when teens came home and never ditched an activity of the kids for a social one of mine. My H. is very envious of the time I was allowed with the children as his work schedule did not permit it—of course his work is what permitted me to be there. Again, I think regardless of the activity, Opie has summoned it up well —being there for our kids in good times and bad is what counts and what they will remember.</p>

8

<p>Thank You.</p>

9

<p>Glad I waited till later to have kids. Everyone is different, but it was important to me to graduate from college, go to law school and work as a lawyer before I had kids. Then, when I retired from the practice of law to stay home with the kids, I did so with a happy heart, and never wondered what might have been.</p>

10

<p>I don’t regret a minute I gave up to do things with and for my kids. All those baseball games, soccer games, tennis, band recitals, etc., etc. Being Cub Scout den leader for seven years, so both boys would get a good experience–including camping in a tent in the pouring rain. (I’m glad camping in the rain is in the PAST!) And camping with the Boy Scouts after that…</p>

<p>I’m glad for that once-in-a-lifetime trip to Space Camp, which they thoroughly enjoyed, even though it took months to pay off the VISA bill. (And my husband and I had a whole week to ourselves in Alabama.)</p>

<p>I am especially glad that I was able to homeschool my boys. They were able to develop their own interests and have an individualized education, and we developed a family closeness that has lasted through adolescence to the present. And, with a father who worked swing shift, they were still able to have lots of Daddy time. I will never forget–nor will they–our September camping vacations, when we could enjoy peaceful campsites and uncrowded hiking trails, as well as see new places and just have fun.</p>

<p>And books… yes! Reading aloud to them even when they were teens–wonderful books they might not have discovered on their own. I can’t believe I read The Lord of the Rings out loud twice. (as each boy reached the age where he could enjoy it) That took a few months!</p>

<p>I may have one or two regrets from their childhood, but I have many more wonderful memories!</p>

11

<p>I am glad that I recognized that each D was different, had their own interests and talents, and made sure the younger one had her own “stuff” - activities, etc. and not always just doing what big sis did</p>

12

<p>Pat,pat,pat on the back to everyone. :slight_smile: What did we do well?
Everybody talked about books. We read to S a LOT when he was little, both H and I are book junkies, but we never “pushed” reading on S( pushing never worked with this kid) . As a result S reads nonstop. :slight_smile: We never said “no” to anything without explaining the reasons, we allowed arguments and changed our mind if S’s argument was convincing( I see law school ahead of us :slight_smile: ) . We allowed experimentation in clothing( ah, those raver pants and safety pins in middle school) , music( I suffered through the “hard rock” stage, big pat on the back here) and never said “no” to TV and video games( never had the reason, S prefers movies to TV and plays video games rarely, using his Playstation mostly as a DVD player) . We know all S’s friends and become friends with most of them. We made sure S knows that he can talk to us about ANYTHING without being judged. We sat few rules but expected S to follow those 100% . Basically, I am not sure who did what right, but we always liked and respected the kid, not just loved him.</p>