What I want for my kids....

Parent Cafe
1

<p>As a parent and a high school teacher, I’ve had a chance to really think about what I really want for my kids - my own and my students…</p>

<p>For me, it boils down to the following.</p>

<li>Get an education that will allow you to have a career that you enjoy and that allows you to</li>
<li>Get paid well enough to provide for yourself and your family, and that you</li>
<li>Give back to the community.</li>
</ol>

<p>I’ve shared this with my own kids, and with my students, and it helps them understand where I’m coming from (on many levels.)</p>

<p>What do you want for your kids?</p>

2

<p>As an only child, my parents had many expectations for me

  1. graduate from high school (first in familiy)
  2. graduate from college (first in family)
  3. find a well paying job
  4. raise a loving family
  5. travel to Vietnam for humanitarian works.</p>
3

<p>Sounds like your parents and I have a similar point of view…</p>

<p>:-)</p>

4

<p>“Happy and successful.” And I’ve told them these have to exist together, rather than as separate entities. In adulthood they will inevitably make their own assessments of what “happiness” and “success” means, so I try to keep the goal general.</p>

5

<p>I found that many of my students don’t have a clear view of what they might want to hope for. Some of them don’t have “happy and successful” role models, and need help defining what that can mean. It was when I was trying to create a connection between education with a happy and successful life (for my students) that I realized that I wanted the exact same things for my own kids. </p>

<p>Not all my students will go to college, or become brain surgeons, or whatever. But they all need to have a goal to pursue, so that they can take steps to achieve that goal. Otherwise they tend to just spin around. And usually, their career goal DOES require some level of secondary and post secondary education. </p>

<p>I’m with you - happy and successful are definitely intertwined. At the extremes you can have a rich accountant who wanted to paint, and the starving painter who can’t afford a place to live. We all need to find a balance. And our kids sometimes need help in their paths to that balance.</p>

6

<p>mom2three: thank you for starting this thread. I have been pondering this for the last few years ! My goals are similar to yours but the difficulty for me is the details. </p>

<p>For eg. with my experience of life and knowledge of my daughter, I know she would be unhappy with her pursuit of her first choice career - editor for a publishing house. The job prospects are limited and one need to be very proactive in searching out opportunities (she is not that proactive) and the compensation limited for my d who loves Tiffany jewelery and SFAMK jeans. In my judgment she would be very unhappy living a fairly spartan life style. In the end she picked economics and Spanish and hope to get an MBA eventually. I see too many people, esp. from a fairly comfortable background not thinking seriously about how well they want to live as an independent adult. I think that could lead to some unhappiness later in life when they were only able to earn an income that led to a reduction of lifestyle their parents provided for them and to which they were accustomed.</p>

7

<p>Munchkin,
My oldest son has chosen a field that does not pay well, especially straight out of school, but that he loves. I have suggested a minor that would enhance his marketability in his chosen field, as well as giving him a plan b if his first choice simply doesn’t work out. I have not at any time suggested that he change his major. He’s interning in the field this fall, and will probably have a much better idea if this field is where he wants to be. </p>

<p>This is a kid who could major in just about anything. He has exceptional abilities. There are lots of more lucrative fields. But he LOVES his choice. My job is to help him figure out how to make a life with the choice he has made. </p>

<p>That’s where we go back to the basic question. Will he enjoy this career? Almost certainly, yes. Can he provide for himself and his family? Many folks do, but it’s certainly not a sure thing. As long as he understands the risks, we support him 100%.</p>

8

<p>When d was choosing her major I said something like this to her "If you are absolutely passionate about something, I will support you even if it’s something I think is not a good choice but if you are not, and just have some vague ideas about what you like, than I ask you to find something that can give you a means to live the life you want. Right now, when you are so young and don’t know what life is about, it is not imperative that you have to be passionate about what you study, I don’t want you to spend years try to find that career /major that excite you, because, some people spend their lives looking and never found it, because it is not what they are but they don’t know it. </p>

<p>It is imperative that you do not HATE what you study and the work you eventually do. If you are unhappy later on you will have the means to change, assuming you would have decent first jobs. …There are very few perfect fits be it in careers or a mate, so many factors go into a great job - the nature of the work is great but the boss or co-workers not so, or employment can only be found in hazardous work conditions or it is a field not conducive to family life… As an adult you make the best out of it. "</p>

<p>I don’t know if I gave my kids good or right advice, but that is what I thought I learned over the years, from experience and from observation.</p>

9

<p>health. sanity. passion: interests, love, adventure. and at least some common sense. if they’ve got that, they’ll have the world.</p>

10

<p>to finish college and get a job they like
to be happy and content with their lives
to stay healthy and safe (both looking toward careers that could prove hazardous)
to know the joy that lasting love and family can bring
to be men of honor, integrity and compassion no matter what their circumstances</p>

11

<ol>
<li>to be healthy & safe;</li>
<li>to be loved;</li>
<li>to experience fulfilled dreams – whatever they may turn out to be, even if it is not what I would dream for them;</li>
<li>and to always know, believe and have faith, that no matter what, even if it may not seem it at the time, I am 100% on their team forever. I tell them now, “I’m your mommy forever”.</li>
</ol>

12

<p>Health, happiness, a good education and enough money to accomplish their dreams, whatever those may be. </p>

<p>Now happiness to me means that they find a lifelong part, but that’s up to them.</p>

<p>And they know I want grandchildren! :)</p>

13

<p>I want mine to be “good” people. Health, safety, common sense, independence, happiness and a whole lot else I would shake into that broth.</p>

14

<p>My first answer; to not have to do anything, or be with anybody they hate, for money. I’m thinking of a better one.</p>

15

<p>I want them to be people who will stick firm to their informed convictions of what is right and wrong, and of who they are and need to be. I want them to find jobs where they are not asked to compromise their ethics or morality, and to find spouses who will never insist that they do or become who they shouldn’t become.</p>

16

<p>I see happiness mentioned as a goal a few times. Is financial security necessary to happiness ? I know money does not necessarily make one happy but does the lack of money, ie. poverty or lack of financial security lead to misery ? How many people we know are happy without financial security ? </p>

<p>My own personal experience is that there very few of these exceptional people around - they are usually religious and think of a better life beyond and they are hard on their families.</p>

17

<p>Munchkin-
I think financial security definitely effects happiness. That’s why I want my boys to find something they love to do, that allows them to PROVIDE FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR FAMILIES. Now, there’s a lot of room for interpretation in that. Paris Hilton and I probably have different opinions on what it means to provide adequately for one’s family. For me, I would love to see home ownership (but that doesn’t mean a McMansion) and enough extra to allow for some travel and fun extracurriculars. Others would have a different level.</p>

<p>" Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."</p>

<p>—Dickens</p>

<p>While we can guide our children to some extent, I don’t think we should tell them what level of lifestyle will make them happy, especially when they are considering careers. I think it’s our duty to explain what kind of lives different income levels will provide. Then it’s their choice.</p>

18

<p>I wish that my children reach their potential emotionally and intellectually. </p>

<p>The financial issues are so complex that I don’t think there’s a simple answer.</p>

<p>I am a college professor – not very lucrative. However, I never had to pay for childcare, dry cleaning, etc etc etc. And I have held the same job for 23 and have tenure, job security and benefits.</p>

<p>My parents thought getting a PhD instead of a law degree was insane, especially in literature, but I have been able to carry half the family finances at the same time as I have been a full-time parent.</p>

<p>My H owns his own photography studio – also not that lucrative. However, his hours are completely at his discretion except when shooting a wedding on weekends, which did not conflict with my work time. His studio was 1/8 of a mile from our house.</p>

<p>So we have two fully employed adults but our careers never conflicted with child rearing. I have been happy with this, for the most part, and together we have been able to provide our children with all the music lessons, summer experiences and private colleges their hearts desired.</p>

<p>We have, however, had to sacrifice vacations, granite countertops, Tiffany jewelry (above post) and expensive jeans (though we did find Red Engine jeans on E-bay Express for $35 a pair.)</p>

<p>I really haven’t minded much because I love my home and I love my career, so going to work is really a pleasure. I don’t have to spend a lot on entertainment.</p>

<p>I understand the concept of taking future finances into account, but I would always say, “Follow your bliss.” I guess I trust the Universe enough for that. If more money is wanted, there’s plenty of time to enter private industry. With a good liberal arts degree from an elite institution there is always that option and an MBA can always be part of the plan.</p>

<p>My father was highly placed in business and he hired English majors for their writing skills. He refused to hire business majors.</p>

19

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20

<p>For starters to graduate from college without becoming an alcoholic, drug addict, taking up smoking or getting knocked up (or in the case of the S knocking someone up). After that i just hope they took notes of the things we did right but more importantly the things we did wrong. We want our kids to be good citizens and give back to the community with their time (anyone of means can write a check but time is more valuable).</p>