What I wish schools told tech theatre Moms...

College Majors Musical Theater Majors
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<p>I don’t know if maybe this really belongs in one of the cafe forums, but I just thought the MT people might appreciate this the most.</p>

<p>I’ve been given a lot of strange assignments in my time to go buy things for my D, but this one has topped them all. I have learned that theatre tech people must routinely buy batteries and condoms for their productions as part of their necessary “sound equipment”. So this weekend WE had to go out and buy these supplies for my D’s upcoming high school play. (The school reimburses us, of course.) </p>

<p>As you MT folks may know, the batteries are to power the wireless mics that the actors wear. The battery pack fits in a little cloth pouch worn on the back of a belt inside their clothing. The condoms are to cover each battery pack so it doesn’t get drenched in sweat and cause a malfunction. So one of my daughter’s main pre-performance jobs is to install the battery packs, slip the condom over each one, and fit each actor with his/her wireless mic. As you might imagine, we found this quite embarrassing to go shopping for, but in short time (and I mean VERY short) we start to see the humor. So here I am standing there in front of the store condom display with my 17 year old daughter and we’re having this public conversation on a Saturday afternoon in a crowded store, and what’s worse, I thought she knew nothing about these things and I find she knows more than I do about buying them and we’re trying not to go hysterical laughing…and hey next week we may just get our own Osbornes show….</p>

<p>So I say okay here are some and she says oh no, they can’t have lubrication or spermicide. Why not? Because that stuff gets everything yucky and it ruins the equipment. Oh…well here’s some without that. Let me see…oh good, it’s the brand I’ve used before. oKAY…so now, do we need to worry about…size? MOM, these don’t have sizes! Okay okay how so many do we need? Well let’s see, we’re having 10 days of rehearsals plus six performances, that’s 16, times 10 actors that’s 160. Wow, that’s a lot of condoms—is that a gross? <for some=“” reason=“” this=“” makes=“” us=“” both=“” laugh=“” almostly=“” hysterically=“” for=“” about=“” a=“” minute,=“” so=“” we=“” have=“” to=“” catch=“” our=“” breath=“” again.=“”> Yes, more actually. So we better get the economy package—36 in a box because these are really expensive. Well, I’m thinking we should get extra because sometimes they break. Really–you’ve actually broken some? Sure when I’m um, in a bit of a rush. <now i=“” notice=“” at=“” least=“” 3=“” people=“” near=“” us=“” who=“” haven’t=“” moved=“” while=“” we’ve=“” been=“” standing=“” here—but=“” maybe=“” they’re=“” just=“” waiting=“” for=“” their=“” prescription=“” to=“” be=“” filled.=“”> Well they only have 4 of the large boxes and we’re buying all they have, so we’ll just have to buy more if you run out…and <can’t resist=“” the=“” motherly=“” tone=“”> try not to be so rough. Now, how about batteries—how many of those do we need? Well, um, each person needs 2 batteries, so we’ll need like twice as many batteries as condoms. REALLY? Twice as many? Why? Well because you have to throw away the batteries after each time, and start with fresh ones. What, you can’t use the same batteries more than one day? Well you can’t chance an actor going dead in the middle of their performance if the batteries run down!!! You have to start with fresh batteries every day; don’t ask me why, you just do. Mom, I’ve done this plenty of times so I know!!!</can’t></now></for></p>

<p>Anyway, the young cashier didn’t blink an eye as he rang up 4 large economy size boxes of condoms and a stack of supersize AA battery packs. I looked at him coolly straight in the eye, and he didn’t make a smirk or murmur as he took my credit card. But being the mom I am, I’m still going to wonder, what on earth do the maintenance people at her school think when they empty the trash cans at night? Hmmm, there’s a large trash can outside the principal’s office, I think I’ll tell her to use that…</p>

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<p>Taramom,</p>

<p>That was tooo cute!! What a great story and your telling of it was priceless. I’ve got a smile on my face from ear to ear.</p>

<p>You also reminded me of one of my own most awkward moments - I have worked at a local regional theater that has a great professional children’s theatre series. I designed and helped implement a program that brought kids into the theater to act as ushers, in return for which they were given access to behind the scenes theater “magic.” Each show we focus on some aspect of theatrical production, i.e., props, lights, set design, costumes, etc and the kids get a backstage tour. Well, during one of my first tours, one of the smallest participants looked up onto a shelf I had forgotten about and asked me what was on it. Of course it was filled with mic battery packs and condoms…You can imagine how pleased the few parents who were along for the tour were… Needless to say, that was a one time only feature of the tour.</p>

<p>Thanks for reminding me of one of my proudest moments!!</p>

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<p>TaraMom, that story is hilarious. I am laughing out loud and I am hoping nobody in my family is wondering why I am laughing in a room by myself! Not only is the story hilarious, so is your telling of it! Oh, I’d have loved to have seen the faces on those standing near you guys. Oh my, 180, that’s NOT enough! Yeah…</p>

<p>I have to hand it to you and Theatermom both because I learned something new…I had never heard of this condom/mic thing before. </p>

<p>Oh, and I loved the battery references as well…my, my, my.
:D</p>

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<p>TaraMom–I printed out your FUNNY!!! story for my D to read. She’ll love it! I laughed and laughed. Luckily, unlike Soozivet, I am home alone right now and can laugh my head off with nobody thinking anything of it.</p>

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<p>I’m new on this forum, but got the biggest laugh when reading this story. My husband just came in and asked why I was laughing so loud. I said “condoms and batteries”. The look on his face was priceless.</p>

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<p>You’re welcome. I’m thinking that shopping for extra-long sheets and egg crates will seem rather boring after this.</p>

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<p>Taramom,</p>

<p>Hi - I sent your story on to my mom and my sister (who just got back from seeing my D’s show, so they were primed!) - they loved it too. You’ve really spread a laugh around the country!!!</p>

<p>Chris</p>

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<p>A five star recollection!</p>

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<p>I guess I won’t be opening any of those battery packs after hearing this story! Fortunately, I have not been involved in that part of the production. You are sure those condoms are going in those battery packs, Taramom, and not being distributed at the cast party? LOL</p>

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<p>Taramom, I loved your story! It is strange to think how many children shop with their parents for condems, not for sex but for Mikes! I was at a recent conference and when I mentioned this to other teachers, they were amazed! Too many schools use companies to provide their sound systems,and never realize how they need to be shielded. At our school, condem shopping for the Mikes is the most popular job!</p>