(buckle in for a long post, if you have the time)
I’m an international student from South Asia. Currently a junior. I will be applying to the top 50 US colleges and some other low ranked ones. All of the colleges I will apply to offer full financial aid to internationals, or a full merit scholarship (no other choices, only top colleges give sufficient aid to internationals) . Academically, I’m great. Straight A’s, High achieving awards, SAT prep and tests return almost perfect scores. Everything academically required for top 50 colleges, I have it.
The problem is, I’m competing against international students, the best of the best, leaders, entrepreneurs, young businessmen, cancer-curing and hunger-solving students. They have ECs that show their leadership abilities and their confidence. But I have none of that.
Oh I was born a leader. I can feel it. I have always wanted to manage and innovate, start new things, and I love to take the charge. But nobody follows me. Nobody respects me in that sense. Nobody considers me an equal, let alone a superior. Why? Because I’m a 17 year old boy and I look like a goddamn ten year old. No facial hair. short, short height (even shorter than most of my schools 6th graders). I even fing sound like a ten year old. I am respected everywhere due to my academic achievements, but no one respects me, at least not in that sense that they consider me an equal. I’m just an alien prodigy-like little kid to others. Where it all went wrong, I have no idea. Maybe my genetics were drunk and decided let’s give this guy a great leadership instinct, an ability and passion to DO things, but oh yeah make him stay in a ten year old body forever ahaha so funny.
Now, I’m not complaining about my personality, I love it. I’m just so tired of trying to become responsible and to show others that I’m not a little kid, that I am better if not equal to them in things other than academics. Nobody takes me seriously. Teachers, parents, juniors, classmates, all treat me like a kid, and after more than 10 years of this constant BS, trying to prove that they should choose ME as the group leader, ask me to arrange that event, ask ME to give that graduation speech because I’m the Valedictorian, I have failed continuously. Whenever I try, I’m bullied, made fun of, or just ignored with a smirk. The only times I am considered is in anything relating to academics, like if they want to choose a spelling bee team, I’m the first one on it. Sometimes they don’t even know that they are treating me as a little kid, they just unconsciously shift me to the side. Yeah I know, I sound like a whiny little b* and you have better things to do. But just answer this, am I barred from a good US college education (my country’s colleges are famous for bullying kids into suicide. Imagine me at a place like that, the perfect bullying toy. and US colleges are the only that offer full aid for undergraduates) am I barred from all the scholarships because life decided to play a joke on me? Do I have no chances of attending my dream colleges because I failed at starting that NGO to save children? My ECs show my passion for Literature, how I love to write and how I have written a novel. But because international students are expected to be LEADERS AND High achievers, do I have no chance at all at a top 50 US college? I can’t repeat this rant to college admissions officers, they will just think it’s an excuse for my non existent potential to save starving kids. Now, I have seen the profiles of countless internationals that get into these colleges, many from my school too. And they are ALL leaders in one way or another (mostly community service or some business) . Of course, a US student like me would get in many places, but as an international, I’m not what they want from the world, proven again and again by international students that are accepted.
Animal cruelty and Child labour are dominant in my society. Sophomore year, I started a campaign to save my city’s dying birdlife (I love birds) , through awareness and Implementation of certain possible solutions. I advertised, asked my “friends” and class mates to join, shared it all over social media. Tried all I could to make it work. It didn’t. Nobody joined me except a few unenthusiastic guys. Had no impact at all.
So instead I just blogged about the problems I was trying to fix, hoping someone else would realize it.
Junior year, I joined a child education NGO run by students but was not asked to participate in any major activities like fundraising bake sales, or selling shirts on streets for funds. Instead I was just asked to keep tabs on our activities like a good-for-nothing nerd. This job didn’t even exist before I came. Again, I just blogged, and wrote essays about it that I published in the school newspaper
When I stood for the Student council Head, nobody voted for me. Once, I joined a WWF internship and my group leader assigned tasks. Everyone one of my class fellows and acquaintances in the group were SHOCKED that I completed my task perfectly, and on time. One girl said ’ you looked like you wouldn’t even bother at all, I’m impressed’
You see what I mean? These are just some examples of my similar failures throughout my LIFE. I’m the guy that gets the best grades, and that’s it. Nobody thinks me capable of anything further. This has affected my entire EC profile. I was wait-listed from the leadership-centred International summer programs I applied to and the other academic based ones that accepted me gave me little merit based aid, and rejected me those scholarships they had reserved for social activists.
So, for someone like me, I ask, is there no hope to be seen as a ‘scholar’, someone with potential outside the classroom? Will top colleges like ivies, Williams, and other LACs reject me based on that simple fact that I didn’t do any community service/Leadership work that had some impact. Am I bound to live and die, knowing I had no impact on the world, despite my willingness?
I’m sorry that you have been discriminated against and bullied for your stature. That sucks. That said, you have the foundation for a pretty amazing essay. We all learn and grow from adversity. The one theme I see in your post is perseverance. It’s not like you tried one thing, and gave up. You kept working at it!
I will caution you though that it’s tough getting $ from US schools as an international student. Especially from the top schools. It’s hard for domestic students as well! The admissions cycles in the US get more and more competitive every year. Even valedictorians with seemingly “perfect” applications are denied regularly from the top schools. Be sure you have good match and safety schools in your mix. Honestly focus on those and then just apply to a few “reaches”.
Good luck to you!
I am going to be blunt. The problem isn’t that you look like you are ten. If you are not getting respect, it’s because you clearly seem to have a giant chip on your shoulder. Your good grades and test scores do not enititle you to a free education in the U.S. Your good grades and test scores might help you get into a great college in your own country.
Regarding all of those things you applied for and didn’t get, did you have to submit a photo? Did they turn you down because of your appearance? The “unenthusiastic guys” who did join you were there at least. Why didn’t the project succeed? Why didn’t you offer to help fundraise, instead of waiting to be asked? One girl said she was impressed by something you did. That’s a good thing, but not in your opinion.
I’m sorry to say this, but your post gives me a negative impression. You come across as petty, resentful and jaded. You are 17, but sound as though your future is doomed because you have been dealt an unfair hand (not sure what the unfair hand is, exactly. Looking young?)
Everyone can contribute and be a leader. If you want to make an impact, join an existing organization that has a proven record of helping street children. Starting things on your own isn’t the only way to show leadership. Get a job and work hard. Earn more responsibilities. That shows leadership. Tutor some kids at your school, or younger kids. That shows leadership.
Teacher and counselor recs are critical at the schools you plan to apply to. I would choose teachers wisely. If your attitude is coming across in class, you might have a tough time getting good recs. The good news is that you are really young. You have a lifetime ahead of you to do the best with what you have. It’s good that you have come here and are looking for advice. My advice is to work on being less negative. It will help you in all aspects of your life. It might be a good idea to read your initial post again, in a week or so. Try to imagine what strangers who read it will think after doing so. Try to rethink all the scenarios you mention, and imagine what you might have done differently, given the chance.
There are quite a few posts from students who are worried about college/life because they are short, overweight, shy, whatever. You are who you choose to be.
I have a son who is physically much, much smaller than his classmates. I will be honest with you and tell you that it has never held him back. He is the smallest guy on his soccer team - but he is also the hardest working. He looks the youngest in many situations - but he gets the job done. People only misjudge him once - and then they get to know him.
You need to do some serious self-reflection and find a way to turn around your approach to life.
I wish you the best.
You don’t have to go to the Ivies to make an impact on the world. There are dozens of great colleges in the U.S. Rethink your goals and look beyond the next few years.
I just saw your other post, asking about tutoring as an EC. You sound like a totally different person. Is this post legitimate? I am now very skeptical and am hoping you aren’t just tyring to have fun at the expense of people who are trying to give you constructive advice.
Here’s your other post from today also: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-admissions/2073729-is-tutoring-classmates-for-5-months-each-year-a-mentionable-ec.html#latest
Leadership
When I was a senior in HS, I was a 4 yr Varsity soccer goalie. The coach picked captains, and it wasn’t me. I was mildly disappointed. In College, they started a Women’s varsity soccer team (this was way back). I helped recruit players, I showed players kicking techniques. Not because I was trying to get anything out of it for myself, but because I wanted our team to succeed. I was named Captain. Then I was ready…I was showing leadership.
Leadership can be President of a club or Captain of the Team or Section Leader in Band. But it can also be:
-Student involved in ethnic community center for years and then is asked to teach little kids
-Actual officer in a club
-Watched his little brother after school and encouraged parents to sign up brother for sports team and took him to practice
-Within a club, organized an activity for that club
-Led a community service activity
-Led singer of a band - sings, chooses set list, organizes transportation for other members
-Summer Camp counselor
-Boy Scout Eagle Award/Girl Scout Gold Award
-EMT Cadet
-Boys State/Girls State
-Tutors others
Also what you did was leadership…
"Junior year, I joined a child education NGO run by students but was not asked to participate in any major activities like fundraising bake sales, or selling shirts on streets for funds. Instead I was just asked to keep tabs on our activities like a good-for-nothing nerd. This job didn’t even exist before I came. "
1)Was asked to step up to new position in Child Education NGO to track activities, people involved, resources used, effectiveness. Wrote awareness articles for Social media and School Newspaper.
2)Wrote Novel entitled “XYZ”. Submitted to xyz publisher.
- Started Awareness campaign for City’s Dying birdlife. Conducted Social Media Campaign to enhance awareness of steps people can take to reduce harm to birds.
Finally keep in mind that you are only 17…you will mature both emotionally and physically. You are the most mature you have ever been, but as adults, we know that all 17 years old think they know everythign or think the world is against them when really they have some maturing to do.
Thank you for the replies guys. I know I come across as really, really negative in the post. That’s partly because at the time I wrote it, I was really frustrated after being taunted by school bullies the whole week. And partly because this post can only be truly understood by someone who has experienced being ignored/thought-nothing-of all their life due to something they could not control. Of course, there are a lot of positive things in my life, and some great friends, but the experiences I mentioned are all true and my post was just going to ask about my chances if I wasn’t a leader and how I could improve. Sorry, I guess I got carried away in all the sudden anger, remembering each moment that happened as I wrote about it.
@Lindagaf yes my posts are legit. That post about tutoring is something I asked because I remembered that activity and thought whether i should use it as a substitute for some leadership ECs I don’t have. Like I said, I seem very different in this post because of my emotions at the time I wrote the post. I have formed great friendships and had great experiences in my life. I was just talking (or ranting lol) about things that I couldn’t do even though I wanted to. But, and this may sound really bad like I’m just trying to blame someone for my life, I can see clearly by your questions that you can’t understand my position. Trust me, the inner feelings of disappointment and humiliation that you feel when someone does something as simple as assuming your worthlessness, do really stop you and drain your self esteem. And I’m the furthest anyone can be from thinking they are entitled, I currently study at an international private school where no matter how good your achievements are, there is or was always someone better or someone far more accomplished than you. Infact, seeing so many great high achievers at CC has pretty much dissolved my feeling of being unique ( hah, I was delusional when I used to think 4-5 years ago that my grades made me special, trust me, those feelings are long gone) I am fully aware by now that grades don’t mean much when it comes to true life values and admissions to US colleges. Why would I be struggling to improve my ECs if I thought my grades already entitled me to top US colleges. And for an international student needing full aid, the only colleges available to meet that need are the best of the best. If the colleges are lower ranked, their Scholarship programs require the same level of achievement as a top college’s average admitted applicant.
Anyway, to the rest of the replies, thank you, your insight really helps. I will try to come up with new ways I can develop my authority and still do my desired service for my society. @momofsenior1 Haha, ill certainly think of this when writing my essays, at least I could use my experiences in one positive way.
Leadership can be being a top performer in an activity, too. One of my kids was the scoring leader (by a lot) for her HS quiz bowl team. 3rd in state individually senior year, and led her team to their best finish ever. She also has convinced several friends to join the team over the years. But she wasn’t the team captain.
In robotics, she took the awards preparation role on as part of her responsibilities in her first year. Not a captain or team lead. But she wrote the applications that got her team a couple of really high level awards, and talked about that on her app. She had great admissions results, and even answers an essay question about leadership with examples like these.
Leadership isn’t titles. It is action, and top performance all the time even if no one is paying much attention. People eventually notice and follow competent people.
I was bullied horrendously beginning in elementary school. No one who hasn’t gone through it understands, but those of us who have been there, do. It is abuse. The world understands child abuse in other circumstances but discounts the lasting, crushing effects of bullying. I don’t know anything about international admissions so I can’t speak to which schools might accept you and which might give you aid,but if possible, please look outside of the “top” schools. There is no reason to think you will get a better education simply because a school is labeled “prestigious.” My daughter, who has very good stats, is conscientiously seeking a school with a real “nerdy” feel, because that is her personality. She doesn’t care about rank and neither should you. If there are lower ranked schools out there that give sufficient financial aid, find them!
You also got very good advice about characterizing your ECs. Don’t say you were relegated to a job that didn’t exist. Talk about filling a need that you identified. Creating a new position or filling a need IS leadership. Don’t underestimate the impact of your blogs. Blogging on an important subject IS leadership. Caring about birdlife might be a very cool hook for you. Its not something I have ever heard here before. Everyone tutors or volunteers with their churches or at nursing homes, but yours in unique! Does it relate at all to your intended major? You never know, you may very well strike a chord with a fellow bird lover. There are lots of them in the US, especially if you apply to rural colleges.
Leadership can also be leading from within. My eldest daughter is really good at facilitating group projects. She loves working together and helping bring out strengths in others. She talked about how she helped the groups she was involved in and the part she played. It really didn’t matter what the title was.
Make sure you write your entire application with a positive spin. Show how you overcome adversity. Show how you never give up. Show the spirit and enthusiasm you will bring to campus.
^Caring about and pursuing ECs others don’t care about can actually be spun in your favor. “Interested and interesting” goes a lot farther than class or club president does. You don’t want to come across as bitter or antisocial, though.
Why on earth should anyone consider you “a superior”??? You’re a 17 year old kid. And throwing “goddamn”-- and words that won’t get past the filters— into your post certainly doesn’t make you superior or a leader… it just points to immaturity.
OK, all the other negative reactions aside: This is NOT about how others perceive you. It’s about what you say and what you do-- your choices.
If you want to be an agent for change, then do so and don’t give up because you didn’t get the reaction you wanted quickly enough.
OK, my apologies… it was 6 am and I had to get upstairs to get stuff done.
Back to the idea of leadership:
first and foremost, it takes all sorts of types to make up a society-- or the freshman class of a university. Sure, they want leaders. But they also want writers and musicians and mathematicians and physicists. Having evidence of incredible leadership abilities isn’t the golden ticket you seem to think it is.
And let’s talk about changing the world. Your generation has been gifted with the most remarkable tool in history-- access to the internet. A few years ago, my younger daughter wanted to help a family shelter in NYC… but she was only 13 and couldn’t really mount a big fundraiser. So she went online. She got a dozen or so different companies to donate to her cause. She wrote emails, she explained what the program did and who it helped, and she targeted companies that produced what they needed. The got donations of everything from toothbrushes to children’s books to towels, simply because a 13 year old kid asked them to donate.
After Superstorm Sandy devasted the NY/NJ coastline, my older daughter-- 13 at the time-- did something similar. She went online (we were in the very lucky 10% of Long Island that still had power) and asked companies to donate— water, blankets, clothes, whatever-- and provided them with addresses that could receive those donations.
You don’t have to be Mr. Popularity to make a difference. You simply have to give it some thought.
But honestly, I think the first step is to get that chip off your shoulder. Phrases like “good for nothing nerd” are offensive. I teach over 250 Seniors a day— I get a pretty good mix of types of kids. Each and every time someone posts a comment like that one, or like several others you’ve posted, it erodes the image of the kids who aren’t the guy you strive to be. It’s offensive. Not one of the “nerds” I teach is "good for nothing.
You are special. Everyone is, in their own special way. And it has nothing to do with leadership positions or which jobs you’re handed in a project or anything else. You’re at a crossroads in your life- it’s time to start to figure out who you are. Not who you wish you were or how you wished others could see you, but who you are and how you can make this world a better place.
And you can do that without a top 50 college. There are something like 3000 colleges in the US. So many wonderful people and wonderful experiences and wonderful opportunities for growth are taking place at the 2,950 schools you’re not even considering.
Also if you are being bullied…have you talked to your schools Bullying Assistant Principal or whatever you have?
Don’t think it is useless…my daughter was being cyberbullied by somebody anonymous…but she figured out who at her HS must be involved…talkd to the Bullying specialist and they talked to the kid…I thought “no way will that work” but the kid 'fessed up and did community service.
Also, once you get into college, you will get away from this bullying atmosphere.
I think there may be more going on than you include here. I am particularly wondering about your description of your WWF internship where you say “Everyone one of my class fellows and acquaintances in the group were SHOCKED that I completed my task perfectly, and on time. One girl said ’ you looked like you wouldn’t even bother at all, I’m impressed’”. Why were people shocked by this if you are a top student? Wouldn’t they expect you to do your assigned task perfectly? That’s what top students do. Further the comment that you looked like you would not bother makes me wonder if you are projecting a bad attitude to others. Did you act like the task was beneath you when it was assigned? Maybe you are unknowingly acting in a way that makes it seem like you don’t care or look down on others. If I were you, I would ask some close friends if they sense any of this in the way you present yourself. This could be part of the problem.
I agree with @me29034 that there might be more going on and it is certainly possible that you are projecting a bed attitude. However, I would caution against asking any of your peers to critique you. I don’t think thats something most kids are skilled at and it may make things even more uncomfortable for you. You might benefit from talking to a counselor or therapist if that is an option for you. I know so many kids who have benefited tremendously from even a little therapy.
Instead of feeling like you have to make-up for your “stature” by doing something grandiose, just accept who you are and have a sense of humor about it. If someone makes a comment, just let it go in one ear and out the other. Trust me, it’ll make all the difference. Respect comes through calmness and humility.