<p>I go to a southern school and encountered a lot of students who have parents who are against mixed relationships. Can someone explain to me why?</p>
<p>My understanding is that it comes from their frame of reference as to what they consider appropiate/acceptable behavior. These societal norms often set up what people will or will not do. College is the perfect place to question the family and community morays and determine for yourself what YOU want in your life.
Personally I do not have a problem wih interracial relaionships or even same-sex couples. My parents did when I was younger, but seemed to change as they got older, and their friends included people of color.</p>
<p>Parents have a natural tendency to want to protect their children - even when they’re grown. Some parents just might think that their kids will face adversity in life as part of a mixed-race couple that they would not face otherwise. I think you’ll find, however, that these days most parents will open their hearts and homes to whoever their kids choose - regardless of race, sex or religion - once that choice has been made, and they get to know their children’s “significant other.” (Not all, though.)</p>
<p>Three possibilities, none of which implies any kind of bigotry:</p>
<p>First, some people greatly value their family’s racial, ethnic, or religious heritage. They may have made extensive efforts to pass down the best aspects of this heritage to their children, and they would like to see the same done with their grandchildren. But they know – from having seen it happen in other families – that people’s heritages tend to get overlooked and eventually almost disappear if they marry people from different backgrounds. The children born to a mixed couple (meaning any couple where the two people are from different heritages) often do not grow up learning as much about their heritage as they would if their parents were from the same background.</p>
<p>Second, there are still, unfortunately, some places in this country where a mixed couple and their biracial children are not fully and routinely accepted. They may be on the receiving end of prejudice or at the very least, may feel out of the mainstream. Parents might prefer to avoid having their children and grandchildren face this potentially difficult situation. Also, if the parents live in an area where a mixed-race family would not be comfortable, they may be afraid that their child, their child’s spouse, and their grandchildren would choose to live elsewhere, in a place where mixed families are better accepted. A lot of people don’t want to be any farther from their potential grandchildren than necessary.</p>
<p>Third, the parents may be afraid that their child, their child’s partner, and any potential grandchildren would not be well accepted by the other family or by some members of their own extended family.</p>
<p>On a personal note, I will add that I have some experience with this situation from the religious rather than racial point of view. My husband is Jewish; I am not. There was some hostility toward our marriage on the Jewish side of the family (the side with the most to lose in terms of passing on a heritage), and the Jewish relatives’ fear that their heritage would be lost was justified; my children did not grow up Jewish and do not identify as Jewish. On the other hand, we have never lived anywhere where a half-Jewish kid would be considered out of the mainstream. Although I would not object if either of my kids married someone of a different race, I would be concerned that the other family might be hostile to my child and to the situation, especially for loss-of-heritage reasons, and I do recognize that such a marriage might limit my child’s choices of where to live (although I don’t worry about this part much because we come from a metropolitan area where mixed families are well accepted, so at least my kids know of one place where they and their families would feel comfortable).</p>
<p>There are real issues here that can’t be dismissed just by saying “Prejudice is wrong.”</p>
<p>My daughter, who is half Chinese and French/Irish, has encountered more racial problem at her college than at home. She said that race issue is constantly discussed and debated among students. She’s had guys that have said to her that they would never date or marry Asian girls. She has never encountered that kind of discrimination growing up, so it’s very upsetting to her. Frankly, we are also very surprised that at one of Americas top universities would have kids that are so provencial and narrow minded. Therefore we could imagine at other more remote parts of America people would even be less acceptable of inter-racial marriages.</p>
<p>Although it’s kind and patient in tone, perhaps Marian’s post, widening the topic to “heritage” might confuse the OP, since Jewish is not a racial identity.</p>
<p>Mixed religious couples have different sets of issues than mixed racial couples. For one thing, the physical appearance of biracial children is evident to strangers, so anyone can pipe up and say something really stupid or prejudiced at any given moment to a growing child.</p>
<p>My simple answer to the OP is: the parents are racists. They’re uncomfortable with knowing people different than themselves, not looking forward to socializing with another family of a different race as in-laws. Some also feel their race is superior to another race, so interracial coupling means their kid has gone to a lower level. Obviously I think these attitudes are unfair and unjust.</p>
<p>Inter-racial relationships are viewed very strangely in the South. But to our astonishment, our friend’s son, white male from the North-east, is marrying a girl from S.Carolina, and he and his family are facing a tremendous amount of scorn and prejudice as Northerners!!! (from the girl’s family.)</p>
<p>OP, there are still people who believe that their family will be regarded at a lower social status if they intermarry with other races, (speaking of southern families). </p>
<p>And we also must remember that prejudice has not gone away. It’s still around.</p>
<p>oldfort, I have to agree with you about the weird racial attitudes at the college where both of our daughters go to school.</p>
<p>My daughter says that groups on campus self-segregate to such an extent that it’s very difficult to make friends with someone of a different race.</p>
<p>To her – a white girl whose two closest friends at home are Hispanic and Asian, respectively, this seems really bizarre, and she is quite disappointed with this aspect of life at college.</p>
<p>I don’t know what’s wrong with the kids on that campus. Did they all come from places where everyone looked exactly like them?</p>
<p>Marian, I have noticed this on many college campuses. One can see the segregation just by walking a few hours on a campus. </p>
<p>chocoholic, we have close friends who married and they experienced the same situation 20+ years ago. I guess those attitudes (north vs. south) are still around. The point you make points out that if the issue isn’t race, and religion, it could be something else. I had a friend who had a tough conversation with a perspective father in law. The religion, race, region of the country were the same. The issue was will the groom be able to earn enough money to keep his D living a comfortable life. The groom told me about the conversation. They did marry. IMO, the future FIL was right to be worried in that case. When they married the groom was not making a living wage. I don’t know how they are doing now. I also think that there are some future inlaws that are going to find a problem because they have trouble letting little Johnny/Joanna “go”. Of course, they are not losing their child, and are gaining a DIL or SIL, but some folks don’t see it that way.</p>
<p>It is just an observation, but I have noticed that when marriage #1 does not work out (through divorce or death), parents overlook a lot when their child finds the 2nd partner in their life. It is funny how that works. Is it that they are afraid that they will be single forever, parents are “broken in”, combination, or they just want to see their Sally/Sal happy again?</p>
<p>oldfort, it must be East Coast mentality. Here in CA, most cute white guys like Asian girls. I jokingly asked my daughter once “Aren’t any cute white guys at your high school?”. Her reply, they only have eyes for Asian girls. In fact, I read once on Princeton Review forum, white guys that came out to Stanford, guys who would never have thought of dating Asian girls, have developped Asian fetish syndrome when they get to California. Must be something in the sun. California is much more progressive state when it comes to these issues.</p>
<p>Of course, it could be that many people are just bigots.</p>
<p>I have kids of different races. From firsthand experience, I concur with the above.</p>
<p>Thats just how the south is. I’ve spent ALOT of time down there, and have gone through culture shock after seeing the amount of segregation. There are still remenants of days gone by. Maybe after our grandparents generation dies, it will go away… or maybe not. I know my parents/gparents would act a little wierd if I brought home a non-white girl. Every race is starting to get rich, interracial realtionships are catching on, the economy is going global…we’ll see this problem of segragation in relationships going away. </p>
<p>btw, I LOVE asian girls. I like any exotic girls in fact. There is something pretty sexy about a girl having a backround much different then your own. Whenever I go pick up indian food, I find myself looking at the indian waitresses. Tyra Banks is amazing. Even though middle eastern girls cover everything but their eyes, I still think they have an appealing way to them. I’m from the northeast.</p>
<p>Many people are xenophobic. So be it. My perspective may be skewed because I go to NYU, but there’s no stigma attached to any kind of ethnic group here whatsoever. And while yes, the tendency is that like people end up with like people, but there aren’t people who consider race as a criteria for choosing friends.</p>
<p>To the OP: You have received excellent answers from veteran posters. I don’t think any posters support the attitudes you mention.</p>
<p>I want to uncategorically state that I don’t share the attitudes you mention. I have no preferences about who my children partner with provided their find friends/mates with whom they have mutual caring.</p>
<p>I think many parents oppose to inter-racial marriages because they are worried about how other people may view/treat their kids. My parents were very opposed to our marriage until our oldest daughter was born. Now they think my husband is better than any Chinese son-inlaw.</p>
<p>White/Asian marriages are more acceptable now than 25 years ago. It has not always been easy. But black and white/asian marriages are still not as common in this country. If my daughters should decide to marry a black man, I would ask them to think it through very carefully and make sure they are prepared to deal with “outside influence/opinion.” A marriage is not just of 2 people, it involves family, friends, and village.</p>
<p>I’ve seen so many inter-racial marriages in my area that it’s nothing new. It’s not a novelty anymore. I’ve suspected it has not been for a long time. I’ve just attended a Christmas party, I’ve met 2 male Indians married to 2 Caucasian females( I think at least for 30+ years) because they have grand children.</p>
<p>to the OP- my experience (and I am not calling all southerners bigots, they are NOT!!!) living in the South was that in our particular school district, there was an attitude that everything in the school district that was bad could be traced to the time the school was desegregated. It was a big change for everybody and there was a lot of “us” and “them” mindset.</p>
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<p>With all due respect, who cares what other people think?</p>