What is a reasonable curfew for a girl!!!!!

<p>My daughter is graduating this week from high school. She is dating another Senior. I think I'm very lenient allowing her to go out to the movies and to be with other friends. I ask her to be at home before 8:00 P.M. She is asking me for at least 10:30 P.M. curfew. I'm not ready for that and I'm asking other parents how you deal with this situation.</p>

<p>Is this a sincere question? Most high school graduates are moving into an era of no curfew since they will be attending college soon. Are you from a culture that restricts young women severely?</p>

<p>I have friends from an Asian country who required their D to be home by 10:30 PM until she left for college. Most US parents would consider that to be very strict.</p>

<p>She's a HS senior ... 2230 seems very reasonable.</p>

<p>Also, that there are still curfews on a child that will be going away to college in a few months sort of worries me. I mean, I went for night walks by myself (in a safe neighbourhood) to stargaze and watch the ocean waves regularly during the summer, so 2230 seems very reasonable to me. Since she's going away soon, why not just ask for hourly phone calls after 1900 or something?</p>

<p>In boarding school in Singapore, the curfew for 13-year-olds was 2230...</p>

<p>My girls curfew was/is closer to the 10:30 -12:00 mark than 8:00 PM. But I do not believe in one-size-fits-all parenting. It also depends on the kid and how responsible and trustworthy each is. Sometimes my girls express amazement/gratitude at my relatively relaxed parenting style. But I tell them they earned it - that if their grades were slipping, or they were running with a rough crowd, or I was getting complaint calls from their teachers, or the principal, or (shudder) the police, they'd be kept on a LOT shorter leash.</p>

<p>I'm a senior girl, about to graduate. I went to the movies with my friends starting in 6th grade, and we stayed out past 8PM sometimes. 8PM is pretty early for a soon-to-be-graduate- I stayed out later than that when I was in middle school, as did many of my friends. 10:30PM is more reasonable. My 10 year old sister stays out past 8.</p>

<p>Does she have her driver's license? In many states, drivers under 18 have a "curfew" (i.e. can't drive past a certain hour- whether it's 10PM, 11PM, or 12AM). If she's under 18 and these rules apply in your state (in my state, NJ, 17 year old drivers can't be out past 12AM; in NY, I think it's 11PM) then whatever the "driving curfew" is, is definitely a reasonable "curfew".</p>

<p>Edit- I like galoisien's idea of hourly phone calls. Although my parents don't ask me to call them every hour, they do expect me to call or text before every time I go to a new place- going from friend's house to the mall; mall to the movie theater; etc. It's definitely a reasonable request.</p>

<p>Thank you bookiemom for pointing out that there maybe a cultural difference. When I first read the title I was pretty offended that someone would have a different curfew for a young woman versus a young man. </p>

<p>For any 18 year old, 8:00 seems unreasonable to me though. 10:30 even seems a bit early. H and I tend to be fairly strict parents overall, but it seems when it comes to curfew we are a bit more on the permissive side. We do ask that if our 18 old is going to be out later than originally planned that she text us to let us know. It is extremely rare that she is out past 12:30 on a weekend anyway, and she has earned our trust over the last four years. The fact is she is legally an adult now, and she will attend college in the fall. We won't have any control of her hours at that point.</p>

<p>My kids don't even go out until after 8. D1 usually gets home by 12. If it's later than she'll stay over. D2 is 15. She comes home when an event is over. She doesn't go to people's house to just hang out. There is usually dinner then movies, or there is a party/dance, so we pick up when it's over. We never had a real curfew.</p>

<p>It really does depend on the maturity of the kid in question and of course each family has their own views. So, for D, we never had a curfew because she was always so reasonable and called home regularly. She understood that my concern was more about her safety than anything else. Fortunately, we live in a city where the subway is as crowded at 2am as 2pm.</p>

<p>Thanks for your answers. Yes, I was raised in a strict environment. My parents were stricter than me... You have given me a variety of ideas and I really appreciate your answers. Yes, my daughter is a good and wonderful daughter with good grades. I know I'm overprotective. Thanks again!!!</p>

<p>When my daughter was in h.s., but before she got her license, her curfew was either 11:00 or 12:00 depending on whether the person driving had a junior license or full license. She was required to give us her itinerary, call us when she arrived at her destination and when she was leaving to come home. When she got her license, her curfew depended on whether she was driving and her age. Until she got a full license, if she was driving, her curfew was 11:00. her senior year of h.s, her curfew was bumped to 1:00 if she was not driving and when she got her full license at 18, her driving curfew was bumped to 1:00. She still, willingly, gave us her itinerary and would call to check in during the evening. Early on we had to deal with the reality that from the age of 15 she was working for an entertainment company that does bar and bat mitzvahs and if she was working an evening affair could be at the function until 1:00 and get home as late as 2:00. The responsible manner in which she handled her job responsibilities and related travel logistics as well as the responsible way she handled her curfews in general made us comfortable with allowing her a 1:00 curfew for normal social activities once she was a senior.</p>

<p>My daughter has a senior license now, but generally if they are out past 1 AM, she and her freinds will leave their cars at one persons house and take a cab (a cab anywhere in our village is less than $5 for the group). And yes, I hve been known to drive by her car at 7 am to make certain it is whre it is supposed to be. She is street smart, knows never to be left alone, never leave a friend alone (come home and then argue), never to leave any drink, including coke, whre someone can put anyting in it, carry a cell phone, etc. </p>

<p>Also, we have a "secret phrase" -- mom you need to pick up milk, which means come get her.</p>

<p>I think when we are more reasonable and what we are doing is for their safety rather controlling then they are more willing to work with us. Not to say you need to allow your kid to do something just because other kids are doing it. But to require your daughter to come home by 8pm is very difficult in ths US. Your daughter may end up lying to you about what she is doing, and I think it's always better to know where your kid is in case of emergency. I am saying this because I grew up in such a household.</p>

<p>I don't think girls need different rules than boys. In the summer my rule was 11 on weeknights (because I need my sleep) and midnight on the weekend unless they call and negotiated for a bit longer. I also ask my child to call and let me know where they are if they aren't where they started off.</p>

<p>My son's girlfriend had an 11:00 curfew (barring special circumstances) until she graduated high school. I really benefited from that, as it meant my son would be home by 11:30 and I could sleep.
I do think parents' needs should be taken into account when deciding on an appropriate curfew. We all know that we can't sleep until we hear them come in the door!</p>

<p>(they're still dating, btw, and they're juniors in college, on the other side of the country from one another...:) )</p>

<p>If your kid is letting you know where they're at (movies, etc.) and you're fine with where they are then why do you care if they're out till 8 versus 11 on a non-school night? It's an honest question. I never had a curfew growing up, I just had to let my parents know where I was going to be and when I was going to be home, and as long as it wasn't a school night that was alright. If you trust her to do what she says she will then that's what I'd do. There's just too many horror stories of someone staying out a little later than they thought they would at a friends house and then getting into an accident or something so that they didn't break an arbitrary curfew.If you're dead-set on a strict number then 8 would be considered pretty extreme by most parents.</p>

<p>We have had one rule in place since the kids were toddlers-- Mom needs to know where you are. In high school, they usually remember to text me when they change venues.
In college on the weekends-- I know what state S is in, but don't expect to know which city. </p>

<p>Time to be home for high school kids is flexible, depending on the event. Usually 11 (on weekends) until junior or senior year. Then it's midnight.</p>

<p>The only rule we had different for the girl versus her brother... We don't want her walking home alone after dark.</p>

<p>to the OP: will your D be going away to college in the fall or still living at home? If she will be going off to college, then you have some things to think about here in your household rules. And if she is staying at home, then she will also need more relaxed rules befitting someone who is over 18 and in college.</p>

<p>While still fitting into your family's structure, she does need to find her own group of college friends and get along in that world.</p>

<p>It would depend on what they were doing.
No curfew really for the summer- then again they were working at a residential camp so they weren't home & when they were they were often staying all night with a friend, although I have had to pick them up late occasionally ( neither drove- although they did take the bus, but depending what part of town they were in, I would rather pick them up)</p>

<p>8pm is way too early- it isn't even dark by then in the summer-I also do not think that curfews for girls should be any different than curfews for boys- actually if you have the kind of boy who asks if there are wire cutters on his way out the door as a neighbor did, maybe the boys curfew should be earlier!</p>

<p>8:00 P.M seems a lit bit early for a HS senior. I would say between 11:30 to 12:00 was the tentative time my daughter had to be home. But I live in a really safe area so I'm not too worried. It might have been different if I didn't live in a safe neighborhood.</p>

<p>I understand that you may have certain beliefs, but let me say that your daughters request of a 10:30 curfew is being generous herself. As many have stated, their kids were out until 1 a.m. or beyond and your child would be home before 10:30. At present, your child is home before the sun even goes down! For one that will be out of your control before you know it, I suggest relaxing the restrictions.</p>