My 1st nursed until he was 9 months old and had a cold sore so he preferred a cup. D nursed until she lost interest around 17 months. The pediatrician was shocked I wasn’t dictating when they should stop. I figured they’d stop when they chose, and so they did.
Some new moms I’ve heard from have been told they need to wake baby to feed baby if baby doesn’t wake on her own. I was never told that and let the baby let me know when baby was hungry.
I never woke up my kids to feed them. The feeding times just eventually stretched out to that blissful nice stretch so I actually got some decent sleep.
I personally thought rice cereal was pretty good. Seems like fruit would just be a lot of sugar.
I eat cream of rice every morning for breakfast, myself 
I really like this topic, but even more, I like how sane everyone sounds discussing it. I bf’ed all three of my boys until around 3yo (so far, data is good in terms of resulting college admissions - KIDDING!).
I had a terrible time in the hospital with DS1 and DS3 with bad advice and dehydration of both me and baby. (If it had only been DS1, I would have blamed my own inexperience!) BTW DS2 and DS3 were in the same hospital, but randomly my milk just came in more smoothly with DS2.
I agree that hospitals don’t always get it together to give new mothers the kind of support that would help get a bf relationship started.
I was very lazy and didn’t want to prepare cereals or baby foods beyond mashing an avocado in the moment. So they ate little bits along with breastfeeding and then eventually bigger bits. I did leave baby food jars at daycare, and also visited daycare to nurse (went back to work full time in each case and could not get anything measurable from my pumps so I’m glad to hear the tech is better now!!).
For me, breastfeeding into toddlerhood was really good bonding especially since I was away at work all day. (Nursing visits to daycare were only under age 9 months or so.)
DS2, who starts college this fall and is 6’2" and quite robust - had his first solid food when, at four months old and completely breastfed, he reached out and grabbed a handful of my own banana that I was eating, stuffed it in his mouth, and smiled hugely. I called the pediatrician and she said it didn’t sound worrisome. I would probably know that now, but it’s too late because what DIL will believe me if I said so about a potential grandchild LOL.
I have worried about when DS1 and DIL1 have children, because I once heard DIL1 speak disparagingly of a baby crying and the parents trying to help, “babies need to cry”. I realize that (a) I have no control over such things; and (b) it might have been a one-off and moms do tune in to their own children more and I myself didn’t have much patience for babies pre-children; and © my son will also be parenting the theoretical child(ren).
I mention this last story because I think it’s totally reasonable for OP to be mulling over these details, and very healthy to do so here where it won’t annoy her DIL(s).
^also a mother of sons and just so very fortunate to be able to leave all the advice to DIL’s own mother. We are very much on the same wavelength. On the occasions DIL asks me for advice, I always first respond “what does your mother think?”. When other grandmother asks me if my boys did such and such, I always say " yep! " When DIL and her mom were both surprised and shocked at toilet training difficulties, I said, “yep, yep!!”. but didn’t elaborate because son was right there and I hated to embarrass him. Like with mathmom and nursing, he remembers . lol. I did privately emphasize to him breastfeeding is an absolute full-time job, beyond any other thing a new mother does. So support, support, support!!
@alh you are a good example for me; I will try to do that!
Regarding toilet training and other milestones - I think it was really helpful that I was teaching high school throughout, so I knew that (barring, Gd forbid, some serious disability) - by ninth grade, you won’t be chasing them with a pottyseat!
S1 gave up nursing at 8.5 mo. He was a very active infant, who was crawling and starting to cruise at that point. Holding him to nurse was frustrating for him because he wanted to move. Even getting him to finish a bottle after he gave up nursing could take 1-1.5 hours - he’d take some of the bottle then move away then come back awhile later, rinse, repeat.
S2 gave up nursing at 9.5 mo. Watching 4yo brother was too distracting for him, and he could finish a bottle faster than nursing took. He didn’t mind being held though.
DIL nursed GD til she was around 1.5yo. DIL was pregnant and planning to wean GD by her last trimester, but GD could sense that nursing was uncomfortable for DIL, so she weaned herself. GD differentiated between “mommy milk” and “cup milk”.
As to your c), yes, many people have firm ideas about how they will parent until they are humbled by the actual experience.
Do any of you remember any of your “when I have kids I will never…my kids won’t ever…” or similar pronouncements? I laugh at some of the things I said.
My kids were all around 8 lbs when they were born, nursing was easy for me and I feel like the doctor was more concerned with them sleeping through the night than any sort of schedule. I tried pumping with the weird suction thing and I hated it. You could rent pumps from the medical supply store, but I would not have had anywhere at work to do it. I had on-site daycare for my third child. I carried a beeper and when he was up, ready to nurse, they would beep me and I would pop over. He refused to take a bottle, so in the beginning I was never away from him for more than 3 or 4 hours.
My granddaughter was in the 5 lb range and lost weight the first week, so they were told to wake her to feed her, etc… They kept track in a journal of time fed, which side, etc…
baby led weaning>>>
I had never heard of that until my younger sister started with her baby. We always just called it throwing food on the high chart, especially with my youngest. She was an early teether and never was interested in baby foods.
I think like anything else related to parenting, it’s all super personal and “suggestions” by family and friends are not generally well received.
I was lucky that my D took to breastfeeding quickly and easily. She self weaned around 14 months. It was way before I was emotionally ready as I had planned to nurse until she was at least 2, but she had other ideas and was way more interested in solid foods.
The only thing I felt was a big miss for me was not introducing a bottle with pumped milk sooner. The lactation consultant at the hospital told me not to for 6-8 weeks to avoid “nipple confusion.” By the time we tried, D wanted absolutely nothing to do with the bottle. Tough to be the only one being able to feed the baby! Thankfully at 6 months she went straight to the sippy cup and would take pumped milk in that.
@gout78
@fretfulmother
There’s really too much from the two of you I would need to quote to show what I appreciated of your comments here, so I will just say ‘thanks’ and ‘big like’.
@fretfulmother In top form, you are.
OP: This thread is so rad.
@Waiting2exhale thank you!
Basically just self interested exhaustion.
Raising our sons was the most fun ever. I had the luxury to stay home and to homeschool them. But they were very intense, highly sensitive, extremely busy, and accident prone. And never ever slept through the night. They really and truly wore me out.
Neither DIL nor son had ever even held a baby. Even though they are excellent researchers, it seemed to me they were going to need someone experienced around. Other grandmother didn’t have the opportunity to do as much hands on baby/childcare with daughter as she had wanted, and couldn’t wait to do it all with grandchildren. Lucky me. Win win. Of course, I do go help out when they have childcare emergencies. I’d do anything for my children and grandchildren. DIL keeps checking in to confirm I’m available if she needs pandemic backup help, which is main reason husband and I are seriously isolating…
Back to thread topic, other grandmother had breastfed, and she’s a scientist… She could monitor the situation. No reason for me to be even a smidgen concerned. Again, I’m just very fortunate.
Babies always lose a bit of weight after birth and while maybe not great for a premie, it is to be expected. It takes time for milk to show up and the first isn’t milk anyway–it’s all the other good things the baby needs. Thankfully I knew that the first time around and had an older nurse who knew it too. No hurries, no worries. She would bring in my new baby and later come back to get her saying “I’ll take good care of her, you need to sleep”.
My mom came to help after the first one and I dreaded it in some ways. But she showed up saying “you take care of your baby and I’ll take care of mine.” So she cleaned the house and washed clothes. She did the shopping and cooked some meals. I cried when she left. That was a real gift.
My sister would babysit while we went on vacation and my only stipulation was that hopefully everyone was in one piece when I got back. Just keep 'em breathing…!
Now I hear about “rules being broken” and parents mad at grandparents for breaking “rules”. I don’t really understand the rigidity of some new parents now. It makes life harder than it needs to be.
Probably learned that from my neighbor who gave my kid a grape popsicle in the back of my car when I wasn’t looking. I was mad at first but then my neighbor said “you gotta have fun! Enjoy your kids! !” And here was my kid (messy!) but loving it.
It’ll never be straight line.
Who knows? My oldest had nipple confusion and I ended up supplementing with my own pumped milk. So of course I was careful that my second kid didn’t see a bottle for weeks. At which point he refused to touch one. Luckily I had that boss who wanted me to bring him to work or I would have been in trouble!
I also had the kid who potty trained himself at 18 months and the other one was 4 before he was reliable.
The one who started teaching himself to read at 2 and the one who struggled until he could read overnight at almost 8.
I breastfed D1 until she was 18 months old and stopped on her own. With D2 I would have easily nursed her until she was 2, but by the time she was 14 months she was so interested in everything her big sister did and following her around that she was not interested in nursing any longer. I was really sad at the time since she was my last baby and breastfeeding had gone so well for me with both D’s. I fed both girls on demand, never on a schedule and both became good sleepers. I used to love the times in the early morning when I would sit and nurse my babies as they fell asleep in my arms.
I’d say wait til they’re teens but that’s a total minefield. Again, life doesn’t follow a straight path.
And the general conclusion should be…every breast, every nipple, every mom, every child’s mouth, desire, needs and nutritional situation…is different.
I breastfed all three of mine. #1 six months, #2 and #3 over a year - probably 12-15 months but it’s not something I cemented in my brain. I pumped because I always worked part time - I was lucky to work on a postpartum floor at the time so I could use the hospital equipment with #2 and #3.
I was happy to breastfeed, I was happy to provide nourishment largely via breast milk, I knew there were advantages. I can’t say that I loved the process - didn’t hate it or anything - but I wasn’t like “yeah! We get to sit here and be attached!!!” - I would have felt the same connection if I had bottle fed. There were many more parts of mother-child time that I “enjoyed” more. Like bathtime!
Best end goals of any feeding method: baby grows and is satisfied. Parents/caregivers feel calm and satisfied with providing adequate nutrition in any form.
I think though, that breastfeeding and breast milk is the human norm and in no doubt there is much research to be done about the real differences, beyond the pandering to sensibilities. Lots of people are offended by the literal science. That is a shame because the real health questions we need to answer are often based in nutrition, immunology and development.