<p>I know this isn’t a MT issue and I thought about starting this over in the parents’ forum; but I wanted to hear from names I recognize and whose journeys to this point have been somewhat similar.</p>
<p>I’ve had a busy summer with work and volunteering, so I have been able to keep my mind occupied. But as the departure date gets nearer, certain things have been “setting me off”. So far it’s been:</p>
<p>KIDS CUISINE – On the very rare occasion that my husband and I had a babysitter, we would buy these for our kids while we were out. They thought it was the BIGGEST treat. While buying frozen pizza the other day, these caught my eye and I nearly broke down at the store.</p>
<p>DISCOVERY TOYS – I am collecting items for a silent auction for our local RELAY FOR LIFE and a Discovery Toys dealer donated some items. I used to sell these in a former life when a stay at home mom with babies. Again, seeing these items brought me to tears.</p>
<p>LIBRARY – Yesterday I was at the library during a summer reading program for preschoolers and there were also elementary age kids there turning in their summer reading minutes for prizes. We used to practically live at the library when my kids were little. Again, another wave of nostalgia hit me.</p>
<p>I can promise you that it gets better but is hard at the beginning. I can relate to the supermarket. I recall going shopping the first few times after the college drop off and out of habit thinking I had to get this item or that item that I usually got for the kids and had to stop myself and remember they weren’t there and I didn’t need to get it. Or sometimes I would go in their rooms and see all their childhood stuff and it was weird that they were not there. This is a big transition for parents and it is truly the ending of an era with your kids at home. At some point, you do ease into it and adjust to what’s different. And those calls home from the kids really help too!</p>
<p>OFF TOPIC…but I just want to wish AlwaysAMom a wonderful and joyous wedding of her daughter’s which is definitely another huge transitional moment for parents (not that I have experienced it yet) as it is REALLY the end of them under our wing so to speak. All the best for your daughter and her groom on their impending marriage. </p>
<p>I think we still have the Discovery Toys “sunshine market” (if memory serves, it was a little red building with various people and animals that came with) down in the basement in a big laundry basket with other of my two girls’ outgrown toys. Sigh.</p>
<p>What is setting <em>me</em> off? Glancing over at my college bound daughter during a quiet evening of reading and realizing that, in a few months’ time, she won’t be there when I happen to look over. Ok, that’s enough: I am misting up just thinking about it.</p>
<p>Sad, “going away” types of songs on the radio clearly do me in. I’m driving along, doing fine, and then one of those “leaving home” songs come on and tears stream down my face. I’m afraid I’m going to have a VERY hard time with the empty nest. SoosieVT, it’s good to hear it gets better; right now I’m trying not to think about it! Last year at this time we were working so hard on college applications & audition prep, just so we would be sending her off to a great school. It all worked out the way we had hoped…but she’s moving 3,000 miles away…and it’s hard :(</p>
<p>Yes, it is hard. I’m not sure the number of miles matters so much. Away is away. Mine are not 3000 miles away but it is not like they come home. While it is hard on us moms when this major shift of them leaving home happens, I have to say there are positive parts too…such as seeing how happy your child is and hearing of their adventures and knowing that all you worked toward with them is happening for them as you had hoped. There are some happy aspects there! Having them gone is a big adjustment but you do get used to it. It is a new stage of life that is different and it is sad in lotsa ways to see the “bringing them up at home” stage come to an end. Truly, that is a big change. They will still be in your lives but just not at the dinner table each night or you are not going to their daily activities and driving them around. But I know I am in frequent contact with my girls and we still go to most of their activities but they simply are not on a daily basis and we have to go further to see their events. In fact, I will be traveling this weekend to see D2 in a show. It’s different but it becomes a new lifestyle and fairly quickly. It helps if your child is eager to go to college and loves it and mine could not wait to go and they indeed have loved it and are not homesick types at all. So, while sad for myself, I was very happy for them and thus it is a mix of emotions. Then, you do get used to them not home for dinner, etc. And while I did love schlepping them to all their things growing up, there are some plusses now such as their very complex and conflicting schedules do not rule our life and that part is easier (not that I ever minded at the time). Dinner can actually be at dinner time, LOL.</p>
<p>It is also a bit different of an experience if it is your first child leaving home or your last. With the last child, it truly is an empty next and that is a much bigger change, in my view, than the first child leaving. But with the first child leaving, it was a new experience as a parent. Then again, there was more time for the second child 1 to 1 (or some of you have even more than two kids). I felt like my oldest child had us to herself for two years from birth to age two and then the second child had us to herself after the older one left for college (and in my D2’s case, while two years apart, she graduated HS a year early and so there was just one year with her just to ourselves). But that year was her audition year and so it was nice that I could devote undivided attention to the college audition year with her. </p>
<p>But ya know, having the first child leave home, impacts the other sibs. When my older D left home, my younger D was just starting her college app essays. One of her essays that was used for many of her apps, actually was about her big sis leaving home and her not realizing what she had until it was gone and it hit her when she had to set the table for only three people and not four. It is the kind of essay that would make a mom weep. So, it affects the younger sibs too.</p>
<p>I don’t remember really getting set off before he left, I think I averted those thoughts by being so busy with paper work, getting all of the stuff together, I am sure he was one of those kids that took way to much, I had every contingency I could think of covered! My time came at the drop off, it was particulary rough. His dad kept putting off our leave time, I think it was his way of not wanting to let go. We had to get right back because his dad had an important appointment the next day he could not reschedule. So we left early in the morning, drive 6 hours, go to the business office, get him set up in the dorm, walk around campus, figure where he should be in the oreintation schedule (we missed most of it), ect… Just about the time we figure out what is going on, they announce all of the music student are to come to the auditorium for a meeting, no parents. So after about 4 hours on campus we had to say good-bye in the middle of this crowded loby and turn around and drive another 6 hours home, it was very rough. We should have come down the afternoon before, got our business done, then had a leisurely day with the orientation activities. He is our youngest and we have been particuarly close and it would have been hard in any case but 4 hours is just not enough time to feel that you are leaving them behind in good shape.</p>
<p>I will confess what I did for the next few days. He had grabbed the pillow off of his bed so he could sleep in the van on the way down. When we got to his dorm I put a clean pillow case on and threw the “dirty” one in a box, thinking not to leave him with any laundry. I found it when we got home and kept it around for about a week, because it smelled like him! How’s that for being a sad mom! I did leave his room alone for a couple of weeks, and sometimes I would put on videos of him, we called it the (his name) show. I am so proud of him and he has done so well in school, with his craft and in personal growth, it is truely bittersweet.</p>
<p>I promise it does get better, alot better. I think some of us have a harder time than others. Even now, and he is starting his Jr. year, sometimes I have a hard time saying good bye, but not always.</p>
<p>srw…you brought up a good idea and we have done it too but not lately (but then again, our kids have been out a few years now) but that is…we can watch them on video!! We have so many. We can put them on from the past. But one thing we may do is if we see an event and video it in college, we can come home and play it over again (although D2’s shows…most of them, except concerts…can’t be taped in college). But we do replay her college a capella concerts or other D’s ski races after we return home, and stuff like that. </p>
<p>This was not common back when we went to college, LOL. Same with email and cell phones. When I went to college, it was likely a weekly call home. But my kids (especially my MT one) can talk to me as they are walking from one thing to another…on the fly. That is…until she enters an elevator or the subway, LOL. Click.</p>
<p>I have spent much of my life in the theatre (did my first professional show at 15 and lets just say I’m not very close to 15 anymore). No business takes care of its own like theatre. We’ll do our best to take care of them for you. </p>
<p>Thought that might help as they get ready to go off.</p>
<p>Susan, thank you very much for your well wishes. In addition to all the wedding excitement, my youngest D will be heading off to college this fall (and you know what she’s been through) so I meant it when I said that EVERYthing is setting me off. </p>
<p>For those of you going through it for the first time, there’s no doubt that it is difficult at first, but it gets better, truly it does. Once that initial raw emotional period is over, you’ll find that you’ll be just fine and one of the best parts of it, in addition to seeing your child launched into college life, is to be able to travel to visit them and see them so fulfilled and happy. </p>
<p>kjgc, you are absolutely right. The theatre world is a remarkably small one and it’s amazing how often you’ll meet someone in a show you’re doing who knows others that you know. Works that way ALL the time. I’m sure your kind words will help to soothe the moms who are going through this for the first time.</p>
<p>The MT group is always a tight one, and I think that will REALLY help my D adjust. Theatre kids bond so quickly and the BFA programs are small enough that the kids probably meet friends right away. I don’t even want to think about the moment when it is time for us to drive away. I’m pretty sure I’m going to cry on the plane all the way home. My D is very close to me, and I can tell that she is realizing that this part of her life is almost over; and she, too, is feeling apprehensive about leaving home. She and I BOTH know it will be okay…we will adjust; and we are confident she will be where she belongs.</p>
<p>I’m really going to try to be strong if/when she calls home, feeling homesick. I need to be encouraging even though I will want to put her on the next flight home. In addition to that, I want to be happy around my husband. I don’t want him to feel as though he is just “chopped liver” and that I don’t like our life together. I will just REALLY miss this past 18 years and ALL the fun we’ve had. My kids are very spread out in age…and this is the first time in 30 years that there will be no kids in the house. So, it will be an adjustment; but I agree, there are advantages and we will probably enjoy this new phase of our life as well.</p>
<p>aceof_spades19 Thank you so much for that (sniff sniff) and thank you also kjgc!! </p>
<p>It is so fun seeing how excited my son is to finally begin what he has been waiting his whole life for and I truly am excited FOR him; but still the tears are so close to the surface all of a sudden. My husband gave me a webcam for my birthday which also resulted in tears when I realized we would be able to “sorta” be together on Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Alwaysamom, best wishes for a wonderful wedding!! </p>
<p>And all of you are right about the camaraderie in MT/Theatre. It is one of the things I’ve loved the most about my son’s involvement. In a world of us vs. them in sports, politics, etc. theatre brings people together from different communities, ages, backgrounds to work together to create something. I’ve loved that he has friends from children to adults and from surrounding communities.</p>
<p>Just had to reply to this thread! I’m going to be a junior in college this year, but I remember freshman year move-in day like it was yesterday. Parents- don’t feel too bad if your kid doesn’t seem sad when you leave, or is kind of rushing it. I remember I wanted to get the goodbye part over with as fast as possible because my parents looked so excited and happy for me and I felt like I would start sobbing if I took too long saying my goodbyes to them. Turns out they both cried on the car ride home, and I remember saying after when we brought this up that I thought they weren’t really going to miss me! Haha it’s a big mess of emotions but parents just know that your kids will miss you A TON even if they’re being strong on the outside, and kids- your parents may be keeping a brave face for you but they will miss you as much as you’ll miss them! ;)</p>
<p>kjgc… you are so right. Tho not ALL programs are as nuturing…My D had a very bad experience at her first school; I felt good about some of the program and not as good about other parts. She had misgivings about this ‘safety’ school…needless to say I was miserable when she left home. Turns out this theater Department didn’t take as good care of my kid as they said they would; thank goodness for the music profs.</p>
<p>She came home and has had wonderful experiences with the rest of the theater world locally. Shows, classes, lessons… all aspects. Now she is going to begin again at a school where I really DO believe what you say, and I feel much better putting her in the hands of the theater world. This time she is really excited about school and it makes me happier to let her go. (But having had a more mature young lady home for 9 months makes it 10 times harder on me this time; I lose a daughter and a friend!</p>
<p>I remember most vividly that moment frozen in time when, in the summer of 2006, I stood at my car after a day of moving my 17 year old daughter in at Syracuse’s 6 week summer MT program. She had never been away from home for an extended time and while she was more than ready, I was not. It was such a pivotal moment as I realized through misty eyes that this was just the beginning of a time of new found independence for her and of my wife and me being the proverbial empty nesters for the first time in 22 years. Just a little over a year later, I stood with her at the doorway of her very barren bedroom, having packed our cars to move her into college, when she turned to me with her wide blue eyes and said “Do you realize that I will never be living in this room again?” Talk about tugging at my heartstrings!!</p>
<p>Abandonment issues? Ha, just wait. Do any of you remember the paddles with a ball on a long rubber band that you would hit and the ball would always spring back. Or even the kids’ rhyme/ditty “I’ve got a boogie on my finger and I can’t shake it off!” Phone calls based on college time, like at 12 a.m. when your son or daughter has a “free moment”, routine requests for emergency replenishment of the college expense fund for those absolute necessities like Starbucks frappuccinos, those precious shared moments when your child is home during the semester break and it seems that their mere presence in a room creates an irresistible vacuum into which debris gets sucked. The vampiric social life when at home that leaves you in a constant state of sleep deprivation. All of this is offset, of course, by the remarkable empathy shown by your competent, independent college student who knows, during those same semester breaks, that the only way to fill the existential void in your life is to leave piles of laundry just waiting for your caring ministrations. Believe me, and rest assured, that while in so many ways going away to college will present so many changes for you, some things will never change - and you will love every moment of it. :)</p>
<p>In the meantime, become experts at text messaging, instant messaging, and real time internet video cameras. But what ever you do, do not get a Facebook account or try to “friend” your kid. That’s off limits, way off limits. ;)</p>
<p>Michael, I have to laugh because last night, my MT daughter did call me at midnight (not late for her though). Just to talk to fill me in on stuff. Had just gotten home from rehearsal. She said she’d call me today but then again, she was rehearsing two shows going from 11 AM through 11 PM and so not sure when she thought she’d call today. It is almost midnight…maybe she will? I’d drop if I were her.
(agree…friending my kids on facebook is something I draw the line on)</p>
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