Even if you’re choosing cups and balloons from Party City, finding a location for the wedding and hiring an officiant will each certainly take more than “a day or two, tops.”
The engaged couple has to decide what kind of wedding they want, and whether/how much their parents will be involved in the planning. That’s one conversation, at least. If the parents are to be involved, there will be more conversations. Then someone has to come up with a list of venue possibilities - or, if you prefer, the first one they find that’s the right size, in the right location, and available on the right day. Your fingers can’t really do all that walking in a few hours.
If the officiant is a clergyman in the engaged couple’s church, they have to see when the church is available, since they won’t be the only young couple wanting to get married this year, or next. If the couple wants another kind of officiant, they’ll have to find candidates and check their references and availability.
Uncle Felix can take photos, if you like, or people can just use their phones - but many couples want a good wedding photographer, and their availability is often limited, so couples must find several candidates. Etcetera.
OP, did you mean to ask “what is so complicated about planning a formal wedding” or were you trying to say that you didn’t think a formal wedding is necessary (which of course it isn’t)?
Heck, I spent days planning the events, logistics, dinner and outfits to wear for my kids’ recent college graduations, and I only had a dozen people attending!
“Couldn’t it be done in a few hours? Make a list of who you want to invite, find a place to do it, hire the preacher, go to Party City and get some cups, balloons and what not and you should be good to go. A few hours. A day or two tops.”
Sure. And you could say the same about picking and applying to college too. Just take the SAT with no preparation, then identify one local safety. Fill out the app and submit it and viola! - you’re done! A few hours. A day or two tops.
But for a variety of reasons many people think bigger than that, both for college admissions and for weddings.
We are busy planning D1’s wedding. I think planning a wedding would be relatively simple if it involved only a handful of people, and only one person’s preferences had to be considered, and that person had very cheap and simple tastes.
But the reality is that multiple constituencies and opinions are in play. In our particular case the hierarchy of wishes and opinions is 1. bride, 2. groom, 3. bride’s mother, 4. groom’s mother, 5. both fathers, 6. all siblings of bride and groom, and 7. everybody else. In a desire to stage a happy event and not create any hard feelings, no one person’s opinion or wishes completely trumps everyone else’s. There are a few rare exceptions. For example the bride has complete say so over picking the dress (provided it’s within the target budget). But of course everyone else in the room during the dress shopping will freely offer their opinion. For a lot of the other factors: guest list, logistics, venue, food, etc., there’s a lot of discussion and give and take to arrive at a happy medium.
My daughter’s wedding took very little planning. She and my son-in-law worked all day at the church camp where they were employed for the summer, took showers, and headed over to the church for a 5 p.m. wedding that was a very fast ceremony in front of a half dozen friends, my other daughter, and me. I took them out to dinner, and, after discovering that they had intended to go back to camp and sleep in the counselors’ dorms (men’s and women’s, separately) my other daughter sprang for a hotel room for them. Other daughter and I then started out for our home state.
A week later my kid headed for Alaska for her teaching job, he stayed on at the camp for a couple of weeks until the airline prices dropped for the fall, and then joined her.
For that matter, OP, you don’t even need the trip to Party City. No plastic,no balloons - why bother when you can just drive or take a bus directly to city hall???
My wedding took a couple of hours to plan.
My daughter threatens that hers will take even less: elopement
Considering the hassles and exorbitant costs I see people putting up with, I can’t say I would be crushed.
I agree with other posters that wedding planning is complicated by the number of people involved in the planning process and trying to accomodate everyone’s wishes. Guest list and seating chart are always tricky. Menu, decorations and band are the more fun items. Money and who is paying for what can also be a minefield. Smaller, casual and simpler weddings might be easier on all involved.
Wedding planning, as others have said, can take as little or as much time to plan as you want them to. For a big complicated affair, it can take a while. For a smaller, casual wedding, it can take very little time. But even if it doesn’t take a long time plan out what your going to do, it can take a while to get everything together.
My friend decided to get married a couple of months before they got married, and they had a small, casual wedding (ceremony in a local park with a friend officiating, then dinner at a restaurant). No frills, no decorations. She didn’t even have to get “cups, balloons, and what not” (no decorations at the park and the dinner was just a reservation at the restaurant). But she was still shocked at how much time it took to figure everything out. It took a couple of days for her and her now-husband to figure out the plan of what they were going to do, but they still had to check in with everyone to see if they could come (the wedding was so small that they wanted to pick a date that most, if not all, the people they invited could come). That took a while to get figured out. They also had to drive around to the different parks to figure out how it would work to have the ceremony there. Then there were things like getting a dress, getting a permit for the park, getting their friend licensed to perform the ceremony, dealing with family drama, and a lot of other little things. Their lives were more complicated because they were also moving right after the wedding so that involved a lot of planning, as well, but I know they were dealing with wedding drama and planning until the day of the wedding (literally–I was with her the day before the wedding when she was on the phone all day sorting out drama between their families and it continued onto the day of the wedding). Sometimes, things just get more complicated than you think they will.
@VeryHappy my H is a professional DJ, and his tip for finding the right DJ is to meet with them. See if you click, for it is the relationship that will make or break your event. The Dj’s personality, willingness to listen to you and adapt their style to your preferences, willingness to play the music you want, and generally friendliness will round out your opinion.
My H networks with other DJs and has a great group of friends who could substitute for H if he got ill or was in an accident at the last minute. We attended a wedding that ended up not having a DJ at all; the man was hospitalized and did not have any backup. Also, my H carries a complete duplicate sound system to every event. So even if the worst happens and equipment fails, he can be up and running on a secondary system in 15 minutes.
Some DJ services just work on low price, and send whatever DJ is working the night of your event. You don’t meet them until they are loading in. And they don’t have any relationship with you, so their level of commitment might be low.
Be specific about the type of music you want, the schedule of how you want your night to go, etc. DJs can rent you a movie screen to show reunion photo/slide show/video. Also tell the DJ what you DON’T want played. Your DJ can be an incredible Emcee for your event, or he/she can be almost invisible and only play music. Ask and find out what your DJ can do to make your event more special for the guests.
So meet with the DJ, ask some questions about how they handle some of these situations, and hire the person you feel is best matched with you and your event.
Do not hire solely on the price. A couple hundred dollars extra might buy you the experience and expertise that makes your event the best dance party.
Oh, my H will not allow potential clients to crash another of his events to check out his DJ style. True professionals consider it rude and crass to have strangers show up at someone else’s events. Asking for references from past clients is a good way to know how they perform.
My H, D and I attended an Indian wedding a few summers ago. The groom was one of H’s new employees. He arrived to the wedding ceremony on a horse, which impressed my D greatly! Everything was traditional, fancy and elaborate from start to finish. The actual wedding ceremony was held under a covered area outdoors, albeit on the grounds of the local Four Seasons, because of the “fire” required for the traditional Hindu ceremony. And all of the women in the wedding party glittered in their gold and jewels. It was like something out of a Bollywood movie and a great experience for us.
So, depending on one’s custom or preference, the preparation could be minimal to maximal.
@attorneymother My sister had a multicultural wedding. An indian one and a church wedding. To keep things simple she had a morning wedding at an indian temple and a church wedding in the evening followed by a reception at the grooms parents backyard in a tent. A few months later the brides parents had a reception in their hometown for everyone to attend since the actual wedding ceremonies were just with family and close friends.
As one of four sisters my parents had two daughters weddings in the span of a few months which was very hectic.
Wedding in July, another one in October, and then the reception for the July wedding on Thanksgiving weekend. My mom was quite stressed out those few months.
@raclut, this was our first and only experience with a traditional Hindu wedding ceremony. We’ve also attended a couple of crazy fancy Western weddings so I can imagine the preparation (and expense) can be complicated either way. It was the horse (also beautifully festooned with flowers) that was the object of most discussion.
At the reception, the entire bridal party and the parents all entered dancing and the guests were all invited to stand up and join in. It really was a bit like “Bride and Prejudice” (which happens to be one of D’s and my favorite fun movies).
After reading all the stories on CC over the years, I am so glad I will only be MOG. I am prepared to wear beige, smile, nod and pay when necessary. I will not expect to be asked for an opinion but will be willing to help.
OP–how about one of those drive-thru chapels in Vegas? You can make reservations on-line in a few seconds. Many options starting from $75. If you want the Elvis impersonator to serenade you, it costs a little more–but worth it, imo.
No, the bride was stunning and rightfully the center of attention. @HIMom.
It was our sitting with H’s colleagues and our D being 14, and this being Texas and most of our table mates being inexperienced at attending Hindu weddings, + the issue of where one engages such a horse, that I remembered when I posted.
We’ve also attended one Filipino-Chinese wedding that started with an elaborate Catholic wedding mass, and during which banquet-reception the bride changed dresses several times, according to tradition, culminating in an amazing cheongsam. As I recall, there was some serious Karaaoke singing later on by some in the wedding party and guests and a photo booth. It just all depends on how one chooses to celebrate.
Many on here saw my wedding pictures. It was relatively simple but took months to plan. I wanted our family there, the whole family, so we had to accomodate for that. Really even though our engagement was 2 years long, there was certainly not 2 years of planning and I sure as heck couldn’t imagine quitting my job (wouldn’t actually be able to pay for a wedding if I did…)
The caterer needed to be booked many months ahead of time because it’s a busy month and I was married in a tourist town. But other things, like decorations, were done by us the week of the wedding.
