What’s the situation driving the question, OP?
Hi,
Just curious. I wanted to explore the venus/mars difference between men and women. I think most men could get this done in a few hours and believe it or not the music would match the tastes of the guests and the napkins, if there were any, would match the table clothes. Men, after all, planned the D day invasion and sent a guy to the moon.
Women, on the other hand, …
I’ll stop there. Let them have fun with it. Part of the reason I started this thread was that joke in one of Steve Martin’s movies, I can’t recall the title, it might have been the first Parenthood movie. Martin Short is playing the wedding planner. So he comes in and the wedding planner is discussing things with the bride to be and the mom and at some point he says the cake will cost $500 (this is an old movie, if it were done today he would say $3,000). So, Steve Martin doesn’t want to upset his daughter or wife, not a smart thing to do, but he can’t help but question the wedding planner about how the hell a cake can cost $500 so he very, very gently brings it up.
And the wedding planner goes ballistic on him. Steve Martin just doesn’t get it. Of course the cake costs $500!!
@powercropper: Thanks for the very helpful post. I now know much more than I did before.
GoNole85, all three of my brothers-in-law were way pickier about wedding stuff than my sisters were. They had to look at venues, taste cake, talk to photographers themselves, etc, etc.
My D is getting married next June and her planning is taking a year because she had a specific date in mind for a very good reason. But I will say that the process has been incredibly fun. No drama, no conflicts, just fun and great memories. Part of that is because my D is a naturally thoughtful person who has prioritized as number 1 the comfort and convenience and enjoyment of her guests. Everything flows from there. Shopping for her dress was one of the most special days of my life.
@GoNoles85, um … “women, on the other hand”? Do you mean women like Sheryl Sandberg, Carly Fiorina, Oprah Winfrey, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Kathryn Bigelow, Shirley Tilghmann, Arianna Huffington, Nan Talese? Ever hear of Elizabeth Holmes? You’re obviously hoping to provoke some kind of gender discussion here.
Btw, the movie title you’re looking for is “Father of the Bride.”
Anyway, please post the photos of your planned-in-two-hours Party City shindig once it happens, so those of us handicapped by the lack of a Y chromosome can learn and admire.
My future daughter in law has no interest in planning the minute details of a wedding and is a no frills sort of person. So she and my son plan to book a destination wedding in the US at a place that takes care of all the basics for you. I still think she will still need to do much more than she thinks she will, but she is not asking for my help or advice, so my lips are sealed.
S1 and FDIL are in the final stages before the wedding. The major tasks were completed a year or more ago, but now they’re dealing with RSVPs, seating charts, music choices, attendant gifts, etc. It’s all those more minor tasks that can get overwhelming.
@ 45,
Calm down. Take a deep breath. I am sure you have a sense of humor. No need to get inflamed.
Yeah, for some reason, not everyone finds casual sexism funny. Go figure.
And not everyone is so sensitive. People joke about things like this everyday. Sense of humor $15.00 aisle 5 Party City.
Based on my experience in the rest of life a fairly large sample of men would have a tough time. The guest list is HARD both to remember everyone and to winnow who you really want, who has to be invited and who you just don’t have room for. If you want family and friends with physical or schedule based limitations you must consider those things.
Are your guest standing or are you renting chairs? Can you do that on short notice? tents? Who is setting up? Hint: I have a friend who puts on a benefit party in her yard every August and she said you have to rent the tents, chairs etc. months and months in advance.
Most church based celebrants will require some kind of pre-marital counseling.
Many denominations do not allow clergy to perform church weddings outside of the church so you can’t just grab any priest on a Saturday afternoon.
Parks require paid permits for large gatherings and usually one must reserve a space. In the very least it requires checking the parks calendar to be sure that some other group hasn’t reserved the space or there isn’t a classic car show or Wee Sing concert in the park.
You need to account for weather - both heat and rain.
I won’t even get into music, photographs, food or attire but if you want any of them they take more time than you would think. You usually won’t be allowed to have alcohol in the park so if you had that in mind either you need special permitting or you are out of luck.
Planning a wedding is like being a politician. You have different constituencies with different expectations that don’t always coincide that much, and you have budget constraints that some constituencies think should be ignored, or somehow supplemented. And you may not actually agree with any of them.
Even a bare bones wedding takes more planning that the OP is admitting unless you just go to the courthouse and grab witnesses from the waiting room.
GoNoles: OK, I think you’re funny. Fwiw, Dollar Tree has wedding supplies even cheaper than Party City. Hobby Lobby has some nice stuff, too. There are so many choices. . .
I disagree about men planning social events, though. When I think of men planning parties, I think of this scene from The Office https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcbvKe34Zjw
Over the years my H has been in charge of a few events through his work and organizations he’s involved in. Every one required big rescues and 100s of last-minute details taken care of–by ME. (Pausing here for a moment of PTSD while I remember these near disasters. . .)
Yeah, men planned the D-Day invasion. And pretty much every other battle in every war. And one side always lost. That is about a 50% “success” rate–but really less than that because many of the"winners" died. Space program?–we got to the moon and had some space shuttles flying around. Killed a bunch of astronauts in the process. What was the budget for that? With all those billions, women could’ve planned some really fabulous parties/weddings/showers, and no one would’ve died.
^^^^ yes, talk about things that took months and months of planning and came in way over budget . . .
I plan workshops for my clients that aren’t anywhere near as grand as a wedding and I spend lots of time on the details, room layout, materials needed at each place, manipulative a, posters or banners on the wall, internalization exercises and even parting gifts. Way more than ten minutes at Party City.
It’s creating a certain atmosphere. Some people like to create a certain atmosphere and that requires attention to detail.
I am scheduled to officiate two weddings next spring. One is for the 20-something couple next door. They are having the ceremony at the restaurant that is housing the reception. So pretty simple. I require counseling ahead of time which we will do soon. They are paying me for my services by removing a large tree from my yard and keeping the wood so it is an interesting barter.
The other is at an historical mansion in upstate NY, for my former organist who has moved up there. That is the more involved wedding as far as planning goes searching for the right musicians and caterers and florists and favors and such.
The complicated one is two men which gives the sexism arguments here a different angle…
During my college years, I was invited verbally on a Monday to a Thursday evening church wedding. The couple decided on Sunday to get married and had a lovely small wedding and reception pulled together by Thursday night. Even had musicians playing classical music for the reception.
Lots of folks wondered if they “had” to get married, but they didn’t. They just made the decision quickly and didn’t want to wait around for months to make it happen. It was a lovely wedding, and they are still happily married all these years later. I didn’t envy them at the time, but now that I have my own kids and see the elaborate and expensive wedding ideas that are popular, I think maybe their idea has some merit.