What is so Complicated about Planning a Wedding?

Parent Cafe
61

We had a friend’s son and future DIL who wanted their wedding to be at a specific location in San Francisco. They had to get on a line early in the a.m., exactly ONE YEAR before the desired date and hope they were the first ones in the line!

I can tell you as the MOG from last summer that this fairly simple wedding took a very long time to plan. There were serious budget constraints from the bride’s family, we had to decide who to cut out, 95% of the guests were coming from the opposite coast so hotels had to be blocked, transportation arranged to and from the wedding for the guests, venue secured for the dinner for the out-of-town guests the evening before the wedding, in addition to a gazillion other small details. And trust me, this was a simple wedding compared to many.

@GoNoles85 I think, on the one hand, that you are trying to get “a rise” out of the people on this board but, on the other hand, maybe you really don’t have a clue what kind of details are involved in planning many weddings.

62

Yes, but even though the wedding is something like nine months away, the couple has already made arrangements with you and with the venue. And if the bride plans to wear a wedding gown, I suspect she’s gotten started on that, too.

So even if the arrangements are simple – as they seem to be in this instances – the lead time is still long.

63

Sure, but it took literally millions of hours of preparation to get them there and home again. They didn’t do much shopping at Party City. It is possibly the greatest project management feat in history, so a pretty lousy example for the point you seem to be trying to make.

64

No, it was a good example for the point I was trying to make that women take months or years to plan a wedding rather comically whereas men would do it in the backyard near the BBQ. I can’t even imagine being in a conversation about table settings that would last more than 30 seconds without me yawning or excusing myself.

And now I am … gasp … being sexist. Oh, dear God. Call the cops. Yeah, either that or just enjoying life. Guys and gals are different and it is sometimes funny. Humor is what we do to kid around with each other. Usually. Or not.

I was walking around work today, and saw this on one of the office doors:

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

I like that quote now.

65

If my husband planned a backyard wedding near the BBQ he would decide to hose down the patio 15 minutes before the guests arrived. At least he would have before the drought hit.

66

No . . . a guy wouldn’t just get married in the back yard next to the grill because he would need a bride (or another groom). In either case I’m afraid that he would be left waiting at the altar.

67

@GoNoles85 - haven’t you judged an entire gender for being “rather comically” unable to plan something so simple as a wedding, in contrast to the men who have planned D-Day landings and moon landings and all that really significant stuff? And you’ve judged me as lacking a sense of humor (it couldn’t possibly be that you just aren’t as amusing as you think you are). I think your judgments on this thread, and on past threads, define you pretty well.

When you say something amusing (on purpose), I’ll think it’s funny.

68

Oh I can’t wait frazzled1!

69

No . . . a guy wouldn’t just get married in the back yard next to the grill because he would need a bride (or another groom). In either case I’m afraid that he would be left waiting at the altar.

If you love someone enough it doesn’t matter where you marry them. Just my $.02. My wife would’ve walked 200 miles to marry me out in the backward near the BBQ :-).

70

freudianslip ^^^^ "out in the backward" :))

71

I’ll just toss a quick match on the flame here, there is a reason that there is a TV show called “Groomzilla”, it IS actually a thing.

72

But would you have asked her to, @GoNoles85?

73

Trying to appease everyone is absolutely not necessary. It can be nice and a good long-term strategy but it’s not required.

I didn’t try to please anyone other than ourselves. In laws wanted religion in our ceremony. There was absolutely none. Uncle wanted my bio grandma invited. She wasn’t. The list goes on. I know people were angry at me but that was gonna happen either way so I said screw it and had the party we was wanted. Spouse tried to be the politician who pleased everyone but I was not putting energy into that.

74

We had a tiny wedding in my parents’ home, and in some respects it was easier. Booking the venue was no problem :slight_smile: and since we didn’t have a sit-down meal, there was no seating chart to worry about. But we still had to order and send invites, find an available pastor, choose cake/food, rent plates/cups/silverware, decide on music, order flowers, and book a good photographer. My dress wasn’t over-the-top glam but it was still important to me to get the look I wanted, so that had to be shopped for. Out of town guests had to be looked after. And of course, there were honeymoon arrangements to be made. So while it was a good deal cheaper than a big fancy wedding, I don’t know that it was that much easier.

75

That’s not because men are better wedding planners than women. It’s because (often) a woman’s idea of what a wedding should be is entirely different from a man’s idea of what it should be… If a woman wants a spur-of-the-moment backyard BBQ wedding, it probably wouldn’t take long for her to plan it either. Though it would look a great deal more pulled together. :slight_smile:

76

It takes more than ten minutes to go through the check out line at Party City most of the time. Just saying.

77

My wedding was on the grander side by true middle class standards. It was in a fancy banquet hall and quite formal, and between my parents and I we added some bells and whistles. My parents were hosting but I shelled out extra for a videographer and a fancy light that put our names on the wall in our wedding colors because I thought it was cool. Silly stupid stuff some people would shudder over. I paid for gold charger plates, too, and I had a grooms cake sculpted as a replica of my husband’s computer to surprise him. Anything we did, we did it because it was fun and we could afford it. The expenses were planned for. It took 10 months to plan, but it was actually very simple and straightforward and not very much time was really put into it, it was just spread out because you have to book things so very far in advance, and between my schedule and my parents schedule we could only do so much at once.

The only time it really got stressful was the last couple weeks when EVERY vendor wanted to meet to finalize plans, there was a mega problem with my dress that required extra fittings I did not have time for and we wondered if I would have to get a new gown at the last minute, I sprained my ankle and got bronchitis, and between the vendor appointments, medical appointments, and work, I just didn’t have enough time during business hours to be in all the places I was supposed to be at once. But a stressful week or two never, or seldom, killed anybody!

If you ask me, some of the “simpler” weddings are a LOT more complicated and stressful than the kind of wedding we had. My mom was cognizant of the fact that we do not have a family of “helpers” and if it couldn’t be affordably and reasonably hired out, we did not do it. No arts and crafts, no DIY, no decorating-- we picked a pretty hall so it wouldn’t need anything, and the venue set up my stupid light feature for me so I didn’t have to worry about it. No muss, no fuss. Of course, if done right, any wedding is that way regardless of how fancy or casual it is! Casual does NOT necessarily mean low maintainence. My BIL’s wedding budget was probably 5 times less than ours, a casual picnic in a building at a park, and their wedding was a much bigger headache to plan than mine.

The fact is, though, that many many vendors book 6+ months in advance, want to meet you personally and discuss your “vision” even if you just want to give them money and let them do their jobs by themselves. The last few things we booked we had a hard time finding anybody available in our budget because we were too late. When the photographer asked me what my “vision” was for the photos, I asked him, “isn’t that your job?” I had the same conversation with the DJ. I had to design my own cake because my baker was a moron who wouldn’t lift a finger, but she made the best allergen-friendly cake in the world so she was worth the hassle. But everyone wanted me to have this grand vision and tell them what to do, whether I wanted to or not. I don’t know what half of wedding vendors are even paid for, they make the bride do all the heavy lifting.

78

Sometimes things come up that are unexpected. One speedbump my relative just had was the the bridesmaids dresses were supposed to all be delivered yesterday for a wedding in the middle of next month. Well, 2 of the 3 bridesmaids got their dresses and the 3rd got an email that the new delivery date would be 12 days AFTER the wedding!

After some stress, 48 hours later, they were able to work with Nordstrom’s to get 3 nice bridesmaids dresses from them and all is right in the world. I expect they will returning the 2 dresses they received, since the order was for 3 matching dresses, but it’s not my event so they will do what they believe appropriate.

They ae not GREAT fans of Nordstrom’s, who was SO nice!

I don’t recall my wedding being stressful to plan, but there were a lot of little details. I was pretty good at delegating (if I say so myself). We had to book a year ahead because that’s how big weddings with catering need to be booked generally. We had ours at a hotel banquet room. We had volunteers make the bouquets, haku headbands, decorate the church with flowers. I bought bud vases and a silk rose for each table, made simple wedding favors for everyone and purchased the booze (note–do NOT have a non-drinker purchase booze).

My poor folks had my brother’s wedding in January and mine in May of the same year! We all survived and if you just are able to roll with whatever happens, it can be a lot less stressful.

I have officiated/performed some weddings that do not seem to have had a whole lot of planning–mainly the couple getting the marriage license, obtaining my services, figuring out the venue, and finding two witnesses to join them for a VERY brief 10-15 minute ceremony. If it makes the couple happy and is legal, it works under the law and I’m fine with it.

79

It shouldn’t unless you’re buying your party supplies during the week before Halloween, when Party City is at its busiest. (My son worked in Party City when he was in high school.)

80

Parties can be as simplistic or as complex as one wants. Many, if not most, take a lot of planning and coordination.