Maybe it isn’t. I may be judging from too small a sample.
But it certainly didn’t exist when the parents of today’s brides and grooms were getting married.
It’s enough of a trend to be in two top sitcoms in the last several years.
I went to a wedding in the 80s officiated by a friend of the couple who had been “ordained” through a mail-order operation.
It has been pretty common here for AT LEAST 20 years.
I know for sure it was routine and utterly unremarkable when my sister got married 10 years ago.
(couldn’t you get ordained through Rolling Stone magazine or something?)
I will say this–if you go to a wedding in somebody’s backyard, and there’s nothing to eat but Cheetos and beer, that probably was planned by a man.
I will also say that there is probably some truth to the stereotype that women care about elaborate weddings more than men do–the American traditional style of weddings almost guarantees that, by putting so much of the responsibility for weddings on the bride’s family, by having the bride wear an elaborate costume, etc. But I don’t think there’s all that much truth to the stereotype any longer.
My husband was excited to wear a tux. His style is classic and traditional, it’s something I always liked about him. For us, “traditional wedding” means formal, in a banquet hall. I talked about doing something more casual and his desires were one of the reasons why we didn’t. So no, I don’t believe that all or even most men don’t care. They might not care whether there are lilies or roses, or if the bridesmades dresses are chiffon or silk, but most of the men I know seem to have some idea of what they’d like their wedding to be.
I am always awed by all the families that get together ahead of time to put together centerpieces or do any sort of thing for the wedding. My SIL, who had the casual picnic wedding, had monthly meetings with the extended family to plan. Her sister baked the cake, their friends and family stayed up all night the night before decorating the building, they borrowed vintage mason jars from family and made centerpieces. I couldn’t even get my family to tell me if they planned to attend. People need to realize when they are up on their high horse about people wasting money hiring this stuff out, that not every family will all pitch in and do that sort of stuff. I was thrilled I was able to get my cousins to bring two flower arrangements from the ceremony, downstairs to the reception for me. That was literally the only thing anybody would do for us. That said, we did get lovely and very generous wedding gifts from our family, and they did all show up whether they RSVPed or not, they’re good people. That sort of collaborative, everybody-pitch-in thing just isn’t done.
Romani-You said what I was thinking!! post #99
I’m still chuckling at the posts equating the moon landing and D-Day with a backyard barbecue.
Let’s see…date, place, size, photographers, music, guest lists, religion (or no) menus, clothes, stationary and wording on stationary, feud avoidance, liquor, wine, champagne, hard liquor, who gets to bring plus one, seating hotel rooms for out of owners, rehearsal dinner (who is invited or not) who pays for what…side issues…security, programs, and yamelkas, and benches (or benchs) I had never heard of the latter.
oh yes…and who pays for us. Did I mention MONEY? And respect for all the families involved.
Oh yeah…showers,
MONEY
Day after brunch…
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Couldn't it be done in a few hours? Make a list of who you want to invite, find a place to do it, hire the preacher, go to Party City and get some cups, balloons and what not and you should be good to go. A few hours. A day or two tops.
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I didn’t know one of my in-laws was on CC.
Marriage license.
Someone to officiate.
In some states, there’s a waiting period of several days between when the license is issued and when you can actually get married. Presumably, the state is hoping that at some point during this interval, both people will be sober. But it’s a pain in the neck for young couples who live in city A but are getting married in city B, where one of their families lives.
My state has a 3 day waiting period. That’s why my parents crossed the state line to get married. 
I suppose more women than men care about wedding details. I was perfectly happy to elope, however, but my husband wanted a ceremony with families present. He felt guilty depriving his parents of that. Since my owm parents drive across the state line to a courthouse, I had no such qualms. I did enjoy the festivities, however.
“We will all pitch in ahead of time to make favors, centerpieces, etc., but NOT do the labor on the day of the event.”
I don’t know. I used to do calligraphy (years ago) and I did the calligraphy for a friend’s wedding invitations, and I can see someone who is really talented baking a cake, but I really don’t like the assumption that friends are supposed to make favors, centerpieces, etc. I think it’s kind of presumptive to invite people to something and then expect them to arrange it the way you want it gratis. These people are your guests, not your hired help. I would not have expected a single guest to have lifted a finger. My job as the host / hostess would be to put it all together; their job would be to mingle and enjoy.
Well, yes, most weddings and other events I have attended, I just mingle and enjoy. If close family or loved ones need me, I will help beforehand but NOT do physical labor on the day of the happy event when we are all dressed up and not wanting any injuries.
I’m really fine with helping with favors and whatnot beforehand, with proper notice. I dislike last minute and rushing at events that I am attending to enjoy.
I pitched in for my niece’s wedding, which was a total do-it-yourselfer at the town community center. Her stepfather cooked all the food. A group of us came a day or so before the wedding to help set up. I was happy to help, but I wouldn’t want to be pressed into servitude on the day of. I could talk about that wedding on the “disasters” thread, because at the end of the evening, MOG took her top off. I don’t care how long you have, you probably didn’t plan for that!
rushing over to the wedding disasters thread
