Two people living together can live more cheaply than two people living apart, so there are some financial advantages to being a couple. And if the couple is legally married, there are tax advantages, too.
On the other hand, getting married usually implies that the couple will stay together geographically. And this may mean that one or both people will take jobs that pay less than they would have earned if they had the whole country to choose from.
My husband and I married early but had children late. It worked out well financially. But there were instances where each of us was restricted in our choice of jobs because we needed to stay in the area where the other person already had a job.
There are pros and cons. We are coming up on our 25th anniversary but I see now my husband was immature when we married. We married young in our mid to early 20s. I don’t necessarily agree with waiting to have kids. We had them early and sure it was hard but we will be empty nesters before age 50 which definitely has its benefits. Many of my friends waited and had fertility challenges so its something to think about. There are folks who marry early and those who marry later and they can have a long marriage or end up in divorce.
^^ I say wait to have kids because of statistics:
Age*******************Women*****Men (age groups of people getting divorces)
Under 20 years old 27.6 percent 11.7 percent
20 to 24 years old 36.6 percent 38.8 percent
25 to 29 years old 16.4 percent 22.3 percent
30 to 34 years old 8.5 percent 11.6 percent
35 to 39 years old 5.1 percent 6.5 percent
If you wait until you’re 30 to have kids, the odds of them growing up in a two parent household are better.
The fact that nearly 40% of married males ages 20-24 are getting divorced fairly strongly argues for waiting to add a kid into the mix.
Ya know, it’s like a car: it can be a lemon coming off the assembly line or run for decades. The trick is to know what to look for, how to operate, how to maintain. And be willing to. Not just want the flash or the status. And both parties, which is some challenge, since you only know your own self.
About divorce: I wonder if the balloon from 20-24 is he number of couples who do marry right out of college. But we all want to defy statistics when we jump. We’re all entranced and oh-so-sure.
We waited before kids, no regrets. But “accumulating” wealth is really about not spending or how you spend, not simply waiting. This entire conversation is really about having your head screwed on straight, regardless.
Or could they be people who didn’t go to college? People who don’t go to college start living as adults at 18. They may feel that they have enough years of adulthood under their belts so that marriage seems normal in their early 20s.
As a note… Statistics mean nothing to an individual.
Also I’m curious as to where those statistics come from since divorce statistics are nearly impossible to obtain. You can divorce until you die and I’m guessing they’re not following that cohort until death. So are those statistics after 5 years of marriage? 10?
While “statistics mean nothing to an individual”, everyone who marries (young or old) thinks they will not get divorced. So in that respect, I agree with that statement. But ignoring the statistics seems silly. They SHOULD mean something.
Fwiw, I’ve been saying that for years about cohabitation. It’s a well known idiotic interpretation of statistics that cohabitation causes divorce (among sociologists).
Anyway, when I say statistics mean nothing to the individual I mean just that. The amount of confounding variables that are ignored in those broad based statistics is astounding. Race, income, educational level, religion, etc etc all change the likelihood of divorce and comparing any old 20 year old to another is kind of ridiculous.
I’m not saying the OP should get married and I’m not saying if she does it’ll work. I’m saying no one should based their life decisions on statistics that are applied to a broad population.
Yes, I agree she should consider whether or not it’s prudent but not based on statistics.
I admit, I’m biased. Statistics say I shouldn’t have clawed out of poverty and be pursuing a PhD after growing up with two non-college educated parents. Statistics say I shouldn’t be married or a homeowner at 24. I defy odds. So take what I say with a grain of salt. I use statistics heavily in my work to explain the past, I would never tell someone to use it to plan their own future.
I disagree with this. I don’t think that the fact that a marriage ends in divorce in year 20 or 25 or 30 necessarily means that the marriage was a mistake at year one or that the marriage was a “failure.”
The two people may have had intensely happy years together; it is hard to call those years a mistake or failure.
I wish I could like Post 73 a hundred times. I think it’s a loser mentality that thinks a marriage that ends in divorce was a “mistake” or a “failure.”
Who said it would be a “failure?” What we’ve been discussing was “chances” related to divorce. The sentiment was that waiting a bit can help each party enter with the right strengths to make it.
Maybe there’s a misunderstanding about my co-worker’s view. He wasn’t predicting doom for 50%. He wasn’t even referring to marriage, but to predictions, in general.
Well, I married with the sincere hope that we would be married until one of us dies. If my marriage ended in divorce because I had done something hurtful, or not been a great partner, or if I had let apathy kill the love, or any number of things which are in my control, I would feel it was a “failure” on some level. If we both truly gave it our all, and could honestly say we’d operated with 100% integrity, and somehow mutually decided we’d run out of steam, I would be less likely to view it that way. And in any case, seeing it as a “mistake” would be next to impossible for me, because our union has created two wonderful human beings. Those two children would make it unthinkable for me to regret that marriage.
My oldest son is almost 30. It’s just been in the past year or so that I feel he’s mature. Sure he was an adult at 18, 22 when he graduated college, responsible, hard-working yada yada, but now it’s clear when talking to him that he’s thinking like someone who is mature…with the guys so few of them are fully formed until their late 20s and they are also more interesting fully formed. I just could never have married a young guy, I didn’t even date young guys out of college but I married a guy my age when I was 29. I’m sure there are exceptions and the OP might have an exception, but in my humble opinion it’s pretty risky marrying a young male.
I love our 28-year-old S and he is mature in many ways but I hope he matures a bit more before he gets engaged and married. I hope the same for my 26-year-old D. I know I grew and changed a lot in college, law school, and in the first few years of full-time lawyering.
Those statistics are not after any years of marriage; it was the percentage of married males ages 20-24 who got divorced during that time (age 20-24). I think if you copy those stats and tell google to find it, it’ll find the website I pulled it from.
Also, while 50% of all marriages do end in divorce, 74% of first marriages are successful. I am a silver lining kinda person :).