<p>I will be moving away to college in August (I’ll be 2 hours away) and I really feel bad for leaving my mom alone. She has no clue what she enjoys doing because she has been taking care of someone for the last 30 years and hasn’t really got out to do much. She doesn’t really have many friends that could go out and do stuff due to their children and jobs. She doesn’t really have any hobbies either. I’ve recommended that she take a class at a local CC to learn how to use computers, but I don’t know that she’s really interested in it. I would like to recommend that she could get a gym membership and work out every night (she says she wants to loose weight, but never does anything about it and I’m starting to get worried about her health), but I feel like that would be rude to say since I’d pretty much be telling her that she needs to loose weight. I’m just really worried about how she’s going to do without me here.</p>
<p>OKgirl, can you teach your mom how to use a computer? If she does not have one at home, you can take her to the library and show her how to use their computers. Sign her up for a free e-mail address like Yahoo mail. Tell her that you’d e-mail her often (and please do so) when you are in college, and she can write you e-mail letters, too. She might find that an on-line community like College Confidential will be a good place for her to cyber-hang out. If she gets hooked on simple e-mails, she will be much more interested in taking a computer course at the local CC.
If you want your mom to exercise, take a class or two with her at the gym in the summer. When you are gone to college, she’d be more likely to continue.</p>
<p>It is so sweet to you to be thinking about your mom. My kids tell me to go exercise and eat healthy, and I don’t take offense. In fact I love it that they care. You could tell her that you are concerned about her well-being and health. The fact that she herself has initiated the weight-loss talk makes it easy for you to bring it up. You could offer to start out by driving to a park and walking with her: gives you two a chance to talk while getting fit, maybe every night after dinner for 30 minutes?</p>
<p>Someone who has been involved in care-giving for another, could very well be neglecting themselves.</p>
<p>As far as things to do:
She could use her care-giving skills by volunteering at a hospital, becoming a visitor/driver for a senior citizen etc. Besides getting out and meeting other people, she would be enhancing her skills, creating a resume, and possibly paving the way to a paid job.</p>
<p>Your mom’s at a crossroads and, while you can try to push her in certain directions, at the end of the day it’s really up to her. It will be tough for her for the first few weeks or months, but hopefully by the time you come home at Thanksgiving, she will be starting down some path. If she clings to you when you come home and sighs about how much she’s missed you, then you may need to be more direct in your approach.</p>
<p>One of the nice things about volunteer work is that people say “thank you” and treat you nicely because they aren’t paying you to work there. She might enjoy hearing “thank you” for helping at a hospital gift shop, small museum, library, or local community center. That would get her out and into the community.</p>
<p>If she’s tired of giving out and giving care, she might instead prefer to take a small course instead, to do something just for herself. Sometimes schools offer them, or community centers, as “Continuing Education,” “Adult community workshops” or other names. They might cost $30-50, meet just a few times. They are simpler than a community college course, so it’s a good way to start learning again and try out different possible hobbies until she finds what she likes. Start by calling your town or city government office or local recreation center to ask about adult summer and fall workshops. If you have to pick up printed catalogues, you can do that.</p>
<p>If she once, long ago, had an interest that she had to stop to raise a family, there might be a workshop or course in it. Some people enjoy going to crafts classes at a local craft store, too, to quilt or knit with other people. It’;s social and she can make a holiday gift there, too.</p>
<p>Take her to the library and set up a Gmail or Yahoo account for her. Then you can correspond with her by email–and she’ll learn how to use a computer and she’ll get out every day to check her email. She can buy a computer later.</p>
<p>(Plus, if the library is close and she walks there, she’ll get some exercise.)</p>
<p>I would also point out that unless she is prone to depression, she’ll find something to do. When my kids left, I really enjoyed being responsible only for myself for a while–I read all those books I’d been meaning to read, then started to look for things to do. Don’t worry!</p>
<p>I’ve already set up an email address for her, but she has no clue how to use it no matter how many times I show her. She doesn’t even know how to properly shut down a computer.</p>
<p>My mom owns her own business and things get crazy pretty often and I think that the last thing she’d want to do when she gets out of work would be to go work somewhere to volunteer.</p>
<p>If your mom has her own business, she has plenty to do. As far as learning to use the computer, practice makes perfect. When she has to use it to communicate with you, she’ll learn how to use the computer. Maybe you can create icons on the desktop so that all she has to do to bring up the email is click on the email icon. If you’ll be only a couple of hours away, you can come home fairly frequently in the beginning to help her out (or even walk her through the various steps over the telephone).</p>
<p>Have you shown her computer features that would make it easier to run her business, such as ordering things online, printing out invoices, doing spreadheets? You have the summer to work on this, good luck!</p>