What kind of girls do quiet, nerdy boys like?

College Confidential Community
1

<p>I wonder, because I think I scare them. </p>

<p>You know the bookish ones who don’t often get with girls and play videogames on Friday nights? I’m like the social, outgoing, and loud type, and when I try to talk to them, they all just like stiffen up and don’t say much. I say nice and friendly things that should be fairly easy to respond to, but they always shy away and mumble and stuff, and I always end up looking obnoxious and too approaching. Sometimes it makes me laugh to see how awkward they are, but all I want is a conversation to get to know them better. What to say to these beings who are helplessly awkward in social situations?</p>

2

<p>A lot of the nerd guys I know are really awesome and sociable, too, so I’m not very experienced in this area.</p>

<p>I’d say try striking up friendships over mediums that are more comfortable for the stereotypical nerd (like internet communications, skype etc.). But then, that was the basis for my most recent relationship, and it ended up failing. Miserably. So maybe establishing communication impersonally isn’t a good place to start.</p>

<p>I remember trying to approach the “nerdy” boy at my middle school in the same manner you’re describing. I even tried to invite him to our lunch table sometimes–it seemed like such a generous gift back then! But he always refused, uncomfortable. These guys may be subconsciously getting the impression that you’re trying to reach out to them out of charity (whether or not that’s true). Try increasing your score on the Sincerity Meter by approaching them with homework questions or comments (“Did you understand that last essay question for history? I started writing about John Wilkes Booth, but…”). Or, if the computer-loving type they seem, ask what kind of internet browser they recommend, and then if given a response, ask why. Maybe add your own input, if any.</p>

<p>Bottom cliche: Nerds are people, too. Everyone can be shy, and that often translates as unsociable. In reality, if given a real chance to interact and open up, everyone will somehow “blossom.” But they have to want to.</p>

<p>You could always try walking up, tapping him on the shoulder, looking very serious, and saying “I just lost the game. Did you?”</p>

<p>Chances are, they’ll groan good-naturedly at that. The ones I know would.</p>

3

<p>I used to have friends who were like this. I noticed that they would be more willing talk to girls when my friends and I were with them because they wanted to appear like they spoke with women often (to impress us I guess haha). Also, try to strike up a conversation when they are in an inescapable situation, like if you’re working together on a project. Sorry if this isn’t the kind of advice your looking for, but I don’t have much experience in that field lol.
Reading wisteriawings’s post made me remember something. I was like a nerdy shy boy in middle school (but I grew out of it once HS started) and the reason that I was shy of girls was because I either thought they would A: Be really shallow and pretend to like me, and then insult me once I was in public with them or B: I was intimidated by their beauty</p>

4

<p>I know a lot of extremely conservative girls and guys like that, OP. Being able to socialize appropriately is a life skill - exponentially more useful in the real world than being good at taking exams. Exams exist only in school. Social interaction exists everywhere. </p>

<p>If they are unable to socialize, then life is going to be extremely difficult for them. Think about the interview for the cushiest job in the world that you may not get because the employer noticed your awkwardness. At the very least, it’s important to maintain proper relationships with friends, family, and coworkers. </p>

<p>I wouldn’t worry about it - it’s not your fault, it’s their’s. Your best bet is to continue reaching out to them and hopefully they will start to learn how to be social.</p>

5

<p>a shy guy here~ i could never talk to girls personally… any advice to fix the problem?</p>

6

<p>I’ll send you a PM about how I got over it.</p>

7

<p>I’ll respond to that, considering I used to be that guy.</p>

<p>Maybe not to that extent of playing videogames on a Friday night, but if you have low self-esteem about yourself, it will feel funny talking to a girl that you think is so pretty that she’s out of your league in a sense. Any attempts at friendship honestly do feel kinda like</p>

<p>“Okay this Girl didn’t even know I existed a few days ago. Why does she want to talk to me now? What does she want?”</p>

<p>She might want a genuine friendship, but when your self-confidence is low, socially you kind of already have your mind made up about a lot of thing’s.</p>

<p>The guy might feel he has no business talking to her, when she could be talking to a boy that’s “In her league” : The player, The Jock, The funny guy that makes everybody laugh, etc… A nerdy boy would think in a sense</p>

<p>“What do I have to bring to the table? Talking about videogames isn’t as impressive as talking about thing’s that have happened while playing Varsity athletics.”</p>

<p>Thinking this they automatically disqualify themself from going after her. And honestly based on what they have seen in real life, and what they have been conditioned to believe from watching movies and television, who can blame them?</p>

<h2>Like people attract. If that wasn’t true, you’d see more nerdy guys walking arm and arm with a beautiful woman. It happens sure, but 9/10 you’d see that beautiful girl with a popular guy, before seeing her with a guy that is out of her social class or whatever.</h2>

<p>To answer the topic question, when I was a socially inept(And I think that I still am socially inept, just not as socially inept as I used to be) I liked the same Women that the socially active boys liked. I just was unsuccessful in actually picking up any of these women, unlike those boys were able to.</p>

<p>I got over my shyness, by simply just not caring anymore. Focused on ME and my personal happiness rather than dreaming, and cursing my luck for not being a very socially active person. The day I stopped caring about trivial thing’s like popularity, and what other people thought about me was probably the greatest day of my life. You wouldn’t believe, how many more women became attracted to me, for having more self-confidence in myself.</p>

<p>I am who, who I am, ya know? If you want to talk to me fine, if you pretend I don’t exist that’s fine as well, because you never existed to me either, until you decided that you wanted to be friends with me and know more about me. Life’s too short to try and impress everybody.</p>

8

<p>I’m a girl and I dont speak to guys… to shy… went to an all girls school… thats my excuse and I am sticking to it xD</p>

9

<p>In my major, I’m surrounded by those type of guys and am usually the only girl in my classes. They usually stare at me or avoid me like the plague. I’ve noticed that if I even say the word “star,” they go off on a trip about Star Wars or Star Trek or some variant.
Find something they’re interested in and talk to them about it. This one guy was beyond excited about discussing Shark Week and playing Maple Story.</p>

10

<p>Great advice, thanks everyone. That sentence catches me, ‘Life’s too short to try and impress everybody.’</p>

11

<p>Their tastes vary just like outgoing guys’. The only difference between them and outgoing guys is that they are socially stupid (if by quiet, you mean shy, that is).</p>

12

<p>I think trying to talk to them over the internet is a good idea, and I would say school is generally a better topic than assuming they are interested in or have an opinion on various web browsers. Also just keep trying to talk to them in real life (though make sure you have a reason to talk) and they’ll probably feel more comfortable.</p>

13

<p>conquestor may sound harsh but he’s right. It’s not about you, it’s about them. Just be persistent, if you try flirting with them and get no response or an odd response then odds are they didn’t know how to reply, or just didn’t recognise that you were flirting. Just keep trying, if you feel like your talking too much then just stop. Stand there, act contented, let the awkward silence force them to say something then when they do try to turn it into a conversation. Try GENTLY teasing them about being so quiet, tell them you want to know what they think, be encouraging. They may act like they want to be left alone, but odds are they don’t. Just be friendly, be around, they will open up.</p>

<p>I used to be REALLY shy, I’m not so shy any more but I am still a TERRIABLE flirt, I am so, so , soooo bad at it. And because of the way I look, and speak women automatically assume I’m not really interested in them and shy away. I am a total nerd on the inside, and all my girl friends have been girls who were very direct, made the first move… and usually the second. I still quite often feel like I have very little in common with the women I’m attracted to, although my interests have become far more varied, but now I have a whole new problem. I grew up. I’m still a nerd, but now I’m 6’5, lean, broad shouldered, and have a voice like Barry White. I think I intimidate women. I used to rely on girls doing all the work but they don’t any more, and I SUCK at making the moves. Even when a girl does make the moves I react poorly, or freeze up. And I think it makes me seem creepy. I’m soft spoken, and I have a tendency to either smile constantly, or be totally monotone. I would love some advice but I suspect conquestor has said the only thing that’s going to be useful. No matter how disheartening it is when I get a poor response I just need to be persistent with the shy ones, and practise my flirting and small talk. And as with most things in life, if the way you’re doing it isn’t working try something else, don’t give up.</p>

<p>And Giggitus, I’d like to know what your advice on over coming shyness was.</p>

14

<p>

Same here; I want to know as well.</p>

15

<p>It’s called getting into the Pick Up artist community. I don’t know how many times I have to say that on these forums. People are smart enoguh to get 2300s yet aren’t smart enough to google effective ways of becoming good with women. It’s pathetic.</p>

<p>[YouTube</a> - Mystery VH1 Pickup Artist - Message from Mystery](<a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWnPH-kXeZM&feature=channel_page]YouTube”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWnPH-kXeZM&feature=channel_page)</p>