Anyway, I started thinking about what my kid should be able to do…and he also suffers from having a really bossy older sister who would literally run the entire household if she could get around me.
Skills:
Make an entire meal. This one he can actually do…though its only started to happen over the past 6 months when he became interested in a high-protein diet and I said he’d have to make this own meals).
Do a load of clothes. He can maybe do this…he kind of knows how…but my H does 90% of the laundry and he usually doesn’t want anyone else to do it.
Fix anything on a car. He wouldn’t have a clue on this one.
Clean the house. Decent on this…makes up his bed, keeps his room straight, knows how to change sheets (just not how to wash them). ignores the rest of house.
Grocery shop. hmmmm…kind of…that is, he could shop for what he eats…not sure if he could think through anything else.
6 Handle money. Not great. He just got his first ATM card (tied to a checking account with money he’s made) and he brought my husband 3 pairs of Hugo Boss underwear for $60 for dad’s day. $60!!! I said to him later, “do you realize that you’d have to work 2 full days to make that money? Plus, you think Dad wears Hugo Boss?!”
Fix “anything” on a car??? What % of adults can even do that!!!
I’ll be honest. I think a 16 year old should be able to do MOST things a 40 year old can do reasonably well for daily living. Including all meals for themselves for a few days, washing/drying/ironing all laundry, grocery shop for all those meals mentioned earlier, budget money/write a check/do online banking, schedule appointments, gas up a car, etc.
I possess only one skill out of 6 listed. I can do laundry, I cannot do any others (not successfully). So, I cannot aske anybody else to possess all of these skills.
However, develop great communication skills, ability to connect and having accepting personality will HELP in very near future to any 16 y o. This skill will be at the TOP of MY list of life skills. Also, if one want to survive, one absolutely needs to know how to SWIM. This would be probably at number 2. on MY list.
That is if you are asking about OUR lists. I do not think that any of the 6 originally listed are any life skills. One can live easily without these skills. I do.
I would delete “Fix anything on a car.” There’s very little on today’s cars that an amateur can fix.
I would add “Know how to talk with health care providers and how to use prescription and non-prescription medicines appropriately.”
Some kids have never gone to the doctor without a parent before college. When they have their first doctor’s appointment at college, they don’t know what to say.
Also, many kids have gone to high schools that place severe restrictions on carrying medicine. A kid who was taught that carrying medicine could get her expelled from high school may need to be explicitly taught that adults, including college students, can and should carry medicines, especially those that treat symptoms that may occur unexpectedly (like migraines) or those that should be taken at a particular time when the kid might not be at home.
Kids may also need to be explicitly taught to ask pharmacists about possible drug interactions. For example, a young woman who knows that she is prone to menstrual cramps should know that she should be always ask the pharmacist “May I take Advil for menstrual cramps while I’m also taking [the prescription drug my doctor just prescribed] for [some other problem]?” Otherwise, she may wake up with cramps during the night and have to endure them until morning when she can call to find out whether she can take Advil. (Or worse yet, she might take the Advil on top of a drug that it could interact with.)
I think kids should also be explicitly taught to look for “acetaminophen” on drug labels. People shouldn’t take two medicines that contain this ingredient simultaneously, but it’s in so many products that you really have to be careful.
Interesting…i hadn’t thought about medical care…that’s one to add…and the swimming thing…to me, that’s a biggie…a kid from our school drowned last year when he fell out of a boat and didn’t even know how to tread water…super-sad.
And the poster who said a 16-year-old should be able to do what a 40-year-old can do…i agree!
^^ But do you agree to raise your children that way?? Walking the walk makes for better prepared young adults. Sure I can cook or iron better - but the child isn’t going to become self sufficient if the parent(s) can’t back off.
Not sure if your child can do a load of laundry “all the way though” - if he/she hasn’t had to do it (all the way through) you won’t know how well they can do it.
I’d replace with knowing how to fix anything on a car with knowing how to have and use AAA (or whatever roadside service you choose to have/use). I’m pretty self-sufficient on just about everything related to life but for the life of me, I can’t even change a tire. Thanks to AAA, I’ve never had to.
+1 to everything abasket said.
The big one for me is for a 16 year old to know how to access and use contraception- males and females.
My views are skewed because I was left alone for months at a time when I was 16. I really think by 16, you should (in theory) be able to live on your own if given a reasonable budget. Now, this isn’t to say anyone should leave a 16 year old home alone for months on end but they should know how to shop, clean, cook, pay bills, take care of animals (if applicable), talk to professionals, etc in order to keep themselves alive and reasonably well taken care of.
Re: 3. Fix anything on a car. He wouldn’t have a clue on this one.
I think this should be scratched off. In my opinion, the key would be knowing the maintenance the car requires and the businesses the car is tied to (dealership, road side assistance, insurance, DMV, etc.) I was taught how to change a tire. Couldn’t do if I was on the side of the road, but I do know the maintenance my car requires and who to go to when things need to be addressed.
Oh, and teach your kid how to open their car hood…Speaking from experience… :-"
The fix anything on a car is dumb - but I can see teaching them how to change a tire. My S lent his car to some teammates to go to a sailing regatta in Boston and car had a flat on the way back. There were 4 of them in the car and none knew how to change a tire. One did have AAA so they weren’t stranded but still.
They should know how to do laundry before they go to college and how to balance a checkbook.
One thing that helped my kids in the practical skills department was sharing the planning of the meals, itinerary and routes of their numerous backpacking trips they took with their dad during their middle school and high school years. If you can feed and care for yourself in the wilderness, doing so in your dorm or apartment doesn’t seem so daunting.
Both kids were in charge of their laundry in high school, but my Dh has always done his own laundry, too, so it just seemed like something grown-ups do. Separate, launder, dry, fold, hang- the whole thing. Swimming to competency was required in their high school, fortunately, although they both learned in their early years because back yard pools are everywhere in SoCal, and it’s a safety necessity.
I fell down a bit in teaching the house cleaning skills before they left home. Both kids are fairly neat, but didn’t learn the tricks of deep cleaning before they left for college, and I regret that. (Although my son learned a surprising amount in Scouts.) Anyone can operate a vacuum, but knowing how to clean a shower or a tile or wood floor (sweep, then mop) efficiently is something they learned the hard way, on their own. One still may be learning. : - )
Both of mine are very good with money and always have been, but I really can’t explain it as I don’t remember teaching them explicitly. They are both more frugal than their dad or I, save a lot and manage their finances well.
I agree with Miami in that taking personal attributes with you to college that will help you get along and work with others in a communal setting is probably more important than knowing how to mop a floor or do your own laundry, but there’s no reason not to give our kids as much practical knowledge as soon as they are able, as I do believe it enhances overall confidence.
The whole air travel thing. Checking in, luggage, finding a gate, moving from one terminal to another to catch another flight, being polite.
Another vote for being able to communicate in a mature, friendly, helpful manner to adults. This includes recognizing that professionals can step only so far out of their roles in order to make allowances.
Laundry: Yes. My kids do their laundry starting at age 11 or 12.
Car: Not recommended. I almost got killed by my car when changing oil because the jack was suddendly broken.
Great that this works for you, but I’m happy if my Dd takes her car in to get her oil and filter changed, tires and breaks checked, etc. as per service manual recommendation. Let the experts check everything out.
This is more “etiquette” than practical, arguably, but it’s important to teach our kids to notice when people have gone out of their way to help us and to thank them graciously and often. Sometimes a nice note is the right thing to do, even for friends. Sometimes just a short thank-you email is appropriate. It’s amazing how seldom people express sincere thanks these days, but a habit of being grateful is something one is never too young (or old) to learn. I happen to think that if this isn’t taught early, while our kids are still with us, it’s seldom picked up later, unlike floor-mopping.