An annoying cliche was “a bad workman always blames his tools”, when half the time as a kid you are actually working with useless third rate equipment, and the blame is justified … >:P
All from my mother:
Books are sacred.
Always be proud that you’re a Jew.
No matter what, some of us will always survive. So never give up.
Being kind is just as important as being intelligent, no matter how intelligent you are.
Said in encouraging me to have children: holding a baby in your arms and knowing that it’s yours is the most amazing feeling you will ever have. (She was right.)
@alh - Thanks, and yes, we were trying to make sense of what books and professionals were telling us, in the absence of credible research, even short-term. We came in at the tail end of the “refrigerator mother” era (it has been a very long tail) and found ourselves at the mercy of a professional establishment trained in an antiquated approach.
I have greatly appreciated scattered apologies that have trickled in over recent years from relatives, neighbors, acquaintances, and even professionals who were very judgmental towards our family in the past- often, after something untoward (not necessarily autism) has happened to them that was only ever supposed to happen to “other people.” Or, after practices that they used to ridicule have become standard procedures for so many years that they almost forget that things were once done very differently.
But, back to topic -
My mother - always comb your hair and put on make-up before you leave the house
My father - don’t let a potential boy friend realize you might be smarter than him; shave 50 to 100 points off your SAT scores if the topic comes up (and it did, in high school and college) , and don’t mention you skipped a few grades even if you have to lie about your age.
My father’s advice was:
Get to work before your boss and don’t leave until after your boss leaves. If you are the boss, set regular hours so that your employees can arrive before you and leave after you do without feeling imposed on.
From Mom:
“don’t sweat the small stuff”
“Always be able to support yourself.”
From Dad:
“they can take away your home, your money and your freedom, but they can’t take away your education.”
Mom, soon after I married: Don’t go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. They’ll still be there in the morning.
Mom: Don’t wash whites with darks.
Oh my.
My parents were a wonderful mixture of good advice and bad. My mother was actually a super-charismatic high school teacher who was practically a cult figure for my peers. She taught philosophy and literature classes that were full of great stuff about how to live and how to be a good person, but I never took them.
Some of her, um, other advice:
– Always wear clothes that look crisp.
– Never chew gum in public.
– Buy the cheapest house on the fanciest block.
– There’s nothing you can get at Stanford or Cal that you can’t get at Harvard or Yale that we’re willing to pay for.
– Take the course that the best teacher is teaching. (That was actually great advice.)
– Think harder before you marry that girl. (Whoa, did she ever pay for that one. Years and years.)
My father was practically paralyzed by the fear that he would screw something up with child-rearing. I can only remember a few bits of explicit advice he ever gave me, and they were a mixed bag:
– Try to learn some accounting. If you don’t, accountants will always be pushing you around. And its a useful analytic system.
– When the other guys are bragging about what they do with their girlfriends, a lot of the time it’s just bragging.
– Brooks Brothers is a pretty safe bet for suits.
I had forgotten the real estate advice. That was my father, too, it seems such great advice. However, one brother and sister-in-law followed it and, as they tell the story, have had to bring a check to every closing they have ever had.
My father, in the 70s, trying to talk me into staying in law school: “Even the least successful lawyers around here make $30,000 annually and that is probably enough to raise a family.” He didn’t say to think again about the boy I was marrying but the implication was clear. Fortunately for me, my judgement was better than his.
"An annoying cliche was “a bad workman always blames his tools”, when half the time as a kid you are actually working with useless third rate equipment, and the blame is justified … " My dad used to use this all the time when we would be working on cars, there are things that without specialized tools are very, very difficult to do, and he would cite that when I was cursing at bruised,battered knuckles and so forth.
Jerome Bettis’ Hall of Fame acceptance speech referenced his advice from his father. “Son, I don’t have much to give you, but I have a good name. Don’t mess it up.”
I can’t say I had a lot of words of wisdom from my father. He from time-to-time said “If you want to catch a rabbit, you’ll have to get in the briar patch, 'cause that’s where they are.” It’s broadly applicable to many circumstances.
Mom: “Fish and visitors stink after three days.” (quoting Ben Franklin)
Dad: “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.”
Dad: “When you do a job, take the time to do it right. It’s less work in the long run.”
Mom: “God gave you lots of talent. It’s your responsibility to use it well.”
When I was in second or third grade my teacher posted the best boy’s score and best girl’s score for every test. When I told my dad that I had the best girl’s score he looked me in the eye and said “Girls are just as smart as boys and don’t ever be afraid to show it.” Pretty heady stuff in the early 60’s.
From mom: Sleep is overrated. 
Actually, I happen to think nowadays that sleep is underrated. Sleep is a wonderful thing.
From my dad:
No matter what happens, as long as you can keep breathing and keep walking you’re ok. Tomorrow will be another day.
I’ve actually used that one far more than I ever thought I would.
From my grandmother:
The one thing you can never get back is time. Enjoy life while you still can. No one will ever care about how clean your house is, etc. They will care about what you do with them.
This totally directed my family life - and it was awesome hearing from my now college aged boys that they appreciated all we did together compared to many of their peers.
My grandmother (who would be 120 now): “Always go right and you’ll never go wrong.” This never really made much sense to me. I wonder if she meant, “Always DO right…”
Was she a conservative?
I guess as a kid I always tried to make “right” the opposite of “left” instead of “wrong.” And “go,” to me, meant movement, so “going” right all the time would have one moving in circles.