I am taking notes.
Based on all the varying opinions, wedding hosts will need to realize they can’t please everybody.
For example - Some people insist that assigned seating is the best method. Others hate it. (My memory is last minute debates with DH before our wedding regarding mix of “both sides” aunts/uncles at same tables, done I think due to challenges on table size combos.)
I want to sit with people I know. I am not going to weddings to make new friends.
I agree with PG. when we have had assigned seats, it has been for the table, not the exact chair. Our hosts have always put us with people we knew at the same table.
How do people feel about those long, harvest type tables for weddings? I like the look.
I have never been to a gathering where I was assigned an exact chair (except when I was sitting on the wedding table as an attendant). The rest of the time, I am generally seated at a table and am able to choose my own seat. I have attended a few weddings where there is no assigned seating but most of the gatherings (especially where there are over 100 people), it is generally an assigned table for everyone, just so there aren’t tables where no one is interested in sitting and others that are overflowing with people.
I mentioned going to a wedding where there weren’t enough tables and chairs. It was at a golf club and the ceremony was outside the clubhouse under a tent. Afterwards, everyone went inside where the servers were putting the finishing touches to a buffet in the center of the room. There was a bar to one side. Scattered throughout the room were dining tables/chairs (tables had a white table cloth, but no other decorations). There were also high top tables where people could eat standing up.
H and I had a drink and then went to the buffet. After we got through the buffet, we looked around for a table. Every table was full or had only one spot that was open. We waited and waited. Other people were standing around as well, which suggested to me that there weren’t enough tables/chairs to accommodate all of the guests. I think the bride and groom assumed that folks would leave the tables once they had finished their food and go over to the bar area where most of the high tops were located. The reception just seemed really disorganized to me.
The LEAST fun wedding I went to was a Korean wedding where the guests were expected to lineup and give cash gifts at a table where workers were recording the amounts in a registry book.
Then on top of that crass monetary shakedown, groom belonged some religion that didn’t permit booze nor dancing. The guests ate, paid up, and left.
I want to be invited to a wedding that they break plates like the movie My Big Fat Greek wedding. That sounds like fun.
Interesting about the place card thing; here, I think it is more common than elsewhere to have individually assigned seats (as opposed to just assigned tables) at purely social events. There seems to be a mix. I can’t actually remember precisely, but I think the last couple of events I went to had individually assigned seats with place cards.
At charity events, bar association events, conferences and the like, the assignments are for tables only, not specific seats.
I don’t have a strong preference between those two types of seating other than the fact that I really like the look of place cards on the table. Another opportunity for beautiful calligraphy! (But also another potential expense). And I really don’t care in any way shape or form if people want to rearrange themselves at the table.
I think the music can make or break the wedding. If the music is great and everyone is up dancing, no one will remember or care that the filet was too well done or that the flowers were carnations. After 2 kids’ weddings, my recommendation is to put your money into the band and cut corners (if necessary), elsewhere.
We took lots of care to come up with seating charts that we felt would provide enjoyable evenings for all our guests. I had little strips of paper with each couple, group or guest’s names and arranged and rearranged and rearranged again until we were happy. This helped me to easily be able to move people around see how one change affected the other tables. It was like a puzzle!
I like those long tables. A little decorating tip I’ve shared on this forum before – saris can be picked up inexpensively in Indian fabric or sari shops and a single sari makes the perfect table topper for two 8’ tables pushed together for a long table. You still need tablecloths underneath because the sari is only wide enough to cover the tabletop without draping over the side. It can be a beautiful, very lux look without breaking the bank.
I didn’t do everything right at my wedding, but the music was great. I had a top Mexican band that also played American dance music, and then during the breaks we played Arabic depke music. People commented for years about how great a party it was. Dancing was a big part of who I was so it really reflected my tastes and was a way to blend our cultures.
If I could have my fantasy wedding, I would have the music from the wedding in the movie Rachel Getting Married. That’s my idea of a fantastic wedding! (Taking out all the family drama, of course).
I not only like the reception to immediately follow the wedding, but for the location to be close. I’ve been to a morning wedding with the reception at 7 pm, and I’ve been to a wedding at a church (to which neither the bride or groom belonged but it was pretty) with the reception about 20 miles away. NOT fun. I have been to a wedding in the Bronx and the reception in NJ. TOO far! (but at least the groom actually went to Fordham so the church made sense).
I’ve also been to weddings at a country club that was a private club. If people got there early and weren’t members, they couldn’t buy drinks. Other members could buy them drinks(and many many guests were members so just went ahead and charged drinks to their own accounts), but many could not buy their own including anyone from the groom’s side. It was probably only a lag time of 30-40 minutes till the official reception started, but because the hosts weren’t there yet (taking pictures), there was no one to tell the bartenders to just go ahead and start early.
@nottelling - If you are not in the event planning business, you should be!
Thanks! Not in the event planning biz, but I was the chair of my (now former) law firm’s event planning committee for close to 8 years. We had professional event planners whom we relied on but the committee was responsible for a holiday party, a major summer party, and a retreat with two major dinners each year. That’s a lot of parties! And our guests were grumbling jaded people, so we had to come up with offbeat stuff to keep people surprised and interested.
Now, as sort of a hobby, I volunteer to help plan events for extended family members on very tight budgets.
My skills are a little rusty because my tenure in the law firm committee was up about 5 years ago, and I haven’t kept up with current trends.
I’ve never enjoyed a wedding – not even my own. (Especially not my own.)
I will keep reading and try to learn something.
We got married at 6 pm on a Friday. We didn’t have any surprise the groom sees the bride stuff, we were living in the same house. We walked to the wedding location (an olive garden on the Caltech campus) from the house, and the photographer insisted on making us late for the wedding to take advantage of the sunset. I can’t complain - he took some gorgeous pictures of us - and we weren’t too late! From the wedding we all walked across campus to the faculty club holding helium balloons - their are nice photos of the procession and we all stopped somewhere and got a group photo too.
I agree completely the several hour gap between wedding and reception is a problem. One my dh’s students rented a couble decker bus that took participants from the Columbia campus where they got married to the reception locaiton - the bus gave everyone a tour of New York City which gave bride and groom time to get a bunch of wedding photos.
I went to a friend’s wedding held in a sort of greenhouse setting where the caterer persuaded her not to have enough seating for everyone in order to “make the party flow.” What happened was that the older people grabbed all of the table seating immediately and had no desire to budge, so her friends were left to sit on overturned flower pots in order to eat not standing up. it really wasn’t food suitable for eating standing up, because it required using a knife and fork. (Roast beef)