When you know enough people besides the couple to socialize and have a good time.
What do people think of the seating-people-next-to-spouses issue? Traditional etiquette holds that you don’t seat spouses next to each other — technically, it is most correct not to seat them at same table. A common compromise is to seat spouses at same table but not next to each other. That’s what I did for years for the company parties I was in charge of but some people got so bent out of shape about not sitting next to spouses that we threw in the towel and started seating spouses next to each other.
For a social event, I’ve always seen seating cards just for a table, not for specific seats within the table, so I’ve never been to an event where I’ve been directed to a specific seat at the table and my spouse to the other.
My H was honored at a luncheon recently (a graduation for a Physicians assistant program where he mentors) and I was invited along and honestly, it was delightful for me to sit next to him and have a nice civilized lunch and chit chat with the program’s leaders. I don’t get to have that kind of quiet time enough w my spouse and I would fully expect to sit next to him at a wedding, etc (unless we explicitly chose to split up and talk to others).
But again this is a non- issue because at weddings we are just directed to table 4. And spouses sit together. Unofficially people tend to sit boy/girl/boy/girl.
I’m with Pizzagirl on this. When we have dinner at people’s homes, sometimes we have assigned seats not next to each other, but at weddings we typically sit together, unless we are “helping make others comfortable” by splitting up and talking to people who don’t know many people, for example.
We have been talking about this…and like everything else…different families will have different opinions.
In our family…the number one thing will be the music…a band for the dancing if we can afford it, and great music for the ceremony and cocktail hour (family full of musicians…this should be easy).
Second up…good food.
When - if - I have a wedding for my kids, I think I’d let all singles invite a +1 if they so choose. Is that not done that often these days?
I agree with you @thumper1. For my family, great music, amazing food and with good food, comes good drink. Those are must haves.
I like live music. My kid and her fiance are both professional musicians-- so I will not mind spending some serious money on the real thing. D’s wedding(now set for next August), though small, promises to be full of music.
@eyemamom- what is a sweetheart table?
The last wedding we went to did not have assigned seats. That wouldn’t have been a problem except the wedding planner never marked the family’s table as reserved and everyone kept trying to sit there and she would have to shoo them away. There weren’t enough tables and chairs for the first twenty minutes and it was very awkward.
I think unassigned seating can be more awkward. Esp for guests who don’t know a lot of people. In your scenario, intparent, what if one couple wants to save seats for their 3 other couples and we, not knowing anyone, come up and try to sit down? It feels like middle school lunch table all over again.
A good wedding should have plenty of time / opportunities for mingling so even if you aren’t sitting with certain people you still have plenty of opportunity to chat.
A sweetheart table is just the bride/groom at a little table, themselves - not with attendants or family.
I did the standard 80s head table thing but I think that’s gone out of fashion and that’s fine w me!
My D and son-in-law did a +1 for single guests. I thought the biggest problem with it was that many of the young people didn’t RSVP or if they did RSVP didn’t say if they were bringing a guest. A week before the wedding, I gave the names of those who didn’t RSVP to my D and son-in-law, as all those who didn’t RSVP were their friends.
The two of them called everyone and found out who was coming to the wedding and if he/she was bringing a guest. Everyone who said he was attending did show up, so we didn’t have a problem. We did have wedding crashers at the reception–four guys walked in during the cocktail hour and went to the raw bar. The wedding planner saw them and thought they seemed strange so she went over to check out the situation. She politely asked them to leave and they did. I didn’t notice any of this, but my younger D did and reported it all to me after the fact.
People typically put purses or sweaters or tip the chairs to hold spots at the events I’ve been to. Not a big deal as long as overall there are enough chairs.
My D said that when photos are taken before the ceremony, photographers will do what is called a first look, when they photograph the moment when the groom sees the bride for the first time in her dress that day. So that is one way to avoid the long wait for the guests afterwards, but still have that moment.
She is apparently studying all of this carefully at the weddings she is attending!
I like a wedding when the schedule is tight and well orchestrated. There is a lot of good food, alcohol and music.
I like it when the couple comes to every table to meet all guests and thank them for coming. It is especially nice when the photographer would come over to take a picture of the couple with the whole table.
I planned 2 major birthday parties for my parents and 2 sweet 16s for my daughters. All of those were like weddings, from invitation, to food selection, DJ, flowers, guest seating, etc. I was just in preparation for my daughters’ weddings.
D is getting married in less than 6 weeks. Plans include:
Buffet serving, but assigned tables. D and her fiance are working on the seating as the rsvp cards come in.
Sweetheart table only. Wedding party will be seated with other guests.
Everyone invited not only knows either the bride or groom (or both), but also other guests.
Singles are allowed a plus one.
Pictures taken before ceremony.
Cocktail hour immediately after (short) ceremony with waiters bringing drinks around to avoid back up at the bar.
No garter or bouquet toss.
DJ 's playlist has a wide variety including latin music (groom’s family is from South America).
A few very friendly, outgoing and fun friends are being asked to help get people out on the dance floor.
Hopefully everyone will have a good time. I plan to!
I don’t know about you all, but my H was not the kind where the moment he saw me in a bridal dress, was going to have some epiphany or tears in his eyes or “moment.” I’m sure that he couldn’t describe anything about it other than it was white and had lace. We went and had all of our family pictures taken before the actual wedding itself, so we went straight from wedding to reception with no delay. I didn’t really care if he saw me before the actual walk down the aisle. But I’m sure that’s important to others - it just wasn’t to me.
I don’t get the comments about enough chairs. Why wouldn’t there be enough chairs??
Sounds wonderful, @FallGirl! Please update us when the happy event is past.
Here is something we did at our wedding that I always liked -instead of the invitations saying "request the honour of your presence at … " or similar wording, they said “request the honour of the presence of …” and then the guest’s name was calligraphied in. I love really nice calligraphy!
That sounds pretty, and special, Pizzagirl.
I had that type of invitation at my wedding, too, Pizzagirl! I loved them!