What makes a great house guest? A lousy house guest?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>We have a new vacation place that we built with the plan to have lots of friends come to visit. It’s been a wonderful first summer, with streams of different families staying with us for weekends or longer. </p>

<p>With so much traffic, back to back, we couldn’t help but notice how dramatically our friends differ as house guests! We had no idea (most usually live so close to us, we’ve never had them over; or our visitors come sporadically so we never compared). Now we know some are easy guests and we could have them every weekend; others are, well, let’s say not so easy. Great friends they are, but not great house guests! </p>

<p>I also learned that hubby and I could be a lot better as guests when I saw some of the ‘best of’ from our various visitors. </p>

<p>Anyone have any good ‘perfect’ house guest stories? Or horror guest stories?</p>

2

<p>A couple of rules I know of, and have tried to live by over the years: </p>

<p>1) the 48 hour rule: Never exceed this time period as a guest;
2) at breakfast, show up with brushed teeth and brushed hair, and serve yourself;
3) entertain yourselves all day, and plan to get together with the hosts in the evening;
4) take the hosts out to dinner at least once.</p>

<p>In reality, I prefer to stay in a local hotel.</p>

3

<p>I would like to know that too. That way we can be better house guests in future.</p>

<p>Recently we were invited to a lake house for a weekend with other couple and we were confused. I kind of arranged such that we took enough cooked food for one meal and next day we used their jet skis so I asked the other guest that we each buy 10 gallons of gas. I am still not sure if we should have done anything more.</p>

4

<p>My Rules: Make me smile and laugh. When I look at my wife I see she is happy to see you. My Son’s life is enriched by you being around. And you can stay forever or till that changes…</p>

<p>Best guest story at our lake house… had a great but uptight friend who mistakenly dropped a pan on my foot. I yelled OUCH ! Grabbed a hand full of ice ( and hid a hot dog and ketchup ). Went into the bathroom hollowed out a piece of the hot dog, put it over my toe, and put ketchup over my toe and foot… She almost fainted when I came out… We all laughed for a week and still do 25 years later… </p>

<p>Bring your sprit, don’t worry about chipping in for the gas. Have the time of your life and remember you had it with us…</p>

5

<p>Bay covered the important points. Other suggestions:</p>

<p>Clean up after yourself and your children
Offer to help cook and clean (and follow-through on the offer!)
Offer to wash sheets/towels upon leaving
Think about any special requirements before arriving and plan for them (i.e. buy any special foods or drinks that a small child needs)
Bring flowers, wine, or another small house gift </p>

<p>The worst house guests we have hang around the house and expect to be entertained all day. When they go out during the day to do something, they expect us to go along. Oh yeah, and they come for 5 days every year.</p>

6

<p>I have been the house guest several times at my friend’s house. She has lived in several places, each quite far away. When I visit, it’s with my H & kids … for a week. My friend enjoys having us visit. Why? I help cook & clean up. I empty the dishwasher. I vacuum. I clean the bathroom before I leave. I give her grocery money. I take her family out to eat. I give her & her family space as much as possible. My family follows my lead & they are very respectful and helpful. It’s common courtesy.</p>

<p>I know that many house guests expect to be wined, dined, entertained … make a mess & take off … sometimes with not much of a thank you to the host/hostess. Fortunately, my mom raised me better than that! :)</p>

7

<p>Some thoughts:</p>

<p>First, actually be invited! Never invite yourself or impose - unless you have been told ahead of time to call if you are going to be in town. Tell your hosts when you are planning to arrive and leave and tell them what your plans will be once you are there. If you want to go out or take them out one of the nights say so ahead of time, so that they can plan accordingly. Tell your hosts ahead of time if you have food allergies etc. Don’t overstay (guests and fish…)</p>

<p>Bring a house gift (something you bought and/or made) along with you or send something afterward. If there are kids it’s nice to bring a little something for them, too. </p>

<p>Leave no mess - put things away. Make the bed each day, clean up after yourself, put things away. Wipe down the bathroom sinks and showers, fold the towels, etc. </p>

<p>Take your hosts out to dinner one night, bring some home cooked food that they can use later - or to make a meal of when you are there. Help serve, clear dishes etc. - unless it’s very clear the host really doesn’t want you to.</p>

<p>If your stay IS for more than two or three days, purposely plan some time away during the day so that the hosts can have some time to regroup and have down time. </p>

<p>If you have children, watch them! Don’t act like you are on vacation and let them run amok in the host’s home! </p>

<p>Seems obvious, but don’t come if you or one of your kids are sick (amazing how not obvious this is to some people) ! </p>

<p>Follow the lead of the host in terms of their hours and their routine. </p>

<p>Don’t go wandering through the house looking through drawers and closets for something! Ask. </p>

<p>Day that you leave, ask the host whether you should strip the bed - otherwise make it. Offer to put in a load of linens.</p>

<p>Send a nice, personalized, thank you specific to all the wonderful things the hostess did for and with you. Call ASAP to thank, too. Or leave a little surprise thank you note and/or gift for hosts to find.</p>

8

<p>My husband, kids and I were going on our once a year, one week beach vacation. My husband works hard, so this vacation is well deserved and we all look forward to it each year. We really do next to nothing other than spend the day on the beach or at the pool and go out to dinner most nights. It was always a time for dad to spend time with the kids and the kids would get out undivided attention.</p>

<p>My parents had not been to the beach in a while so I suggested they come “for a few days.” The house we rented had 3 bedrooms, so I figured the kids could share a room for a couple of day. Well, my parents showed up 2 hours before we even got there on Saturday and left when we did the following Saturday! I love my parents and we see them often as they live 15 minutes away, but this was a bit much. My mother decided when and what the kids were fed for breakfast and lunch, and would complain that we ate too late at night. She did help out a lot, but I would have preferred they hadn’t stayed as long.</p>

9

<p>I guess it would depend on the host and the guests which is the problem. The only one of Bay’s rules I would want enforced as the host is no. 4. And it’s not essential. Why would I care if your teeth are brushed and hair combed?</p>

<p>Some people like you to strip the beds. It annoys me when people do it because it means I immediately have to redo the beds instead of at my leisure. Some people want you to help yourselves, some don’t like you going through their cupboards. Some like you to spend the day by yourselves and just come back in the evening. I would feel like you’re just using me as a hotel. If you’re going to do that, at least tell me the plans.</p>

<p>Keeping things clean is an absolute must. Although the guest I had once that washed towels after every use was a bit extreme. </p>

<p>Please don’t bring me flowers, they just die. We don’t drink wine so if you bring a bottle, try to figure out what I like. I don’t need any more small knick knacks. If you really want to be nice, offer to pay for the groceries when we go out to stock up.</p>

10

<p>I’m with 3bm103: I’d rather my guests NOT strip the beds. I always ask my host what s/he wants me to do with linens and towels.</p>

<p>But I was once told I was a rotten house guest because I didn’t strip the bed and start a laundry. (And yes, I had asked what to do with the bed linens.) Needless to say, we never stayed there again. </p>

<p>I once had a house guest who came with 2 bags of groceries. That really put me off. She didn’t have special dietary concerns, just felt she had to bring her own food. I always thought it was my job as the host to provide the food.</p>

11

<p>Which is why this is such a hard question to answer. Every host has their preference and sometimes their preference depends on their guest. I don’t mind if my brother comes down in the morning and makes his own coffee. I don’t think I’d appreciate it if casual friends come down and start snooping through my cupboards. My sister is free to spend the night at my house while she is spending the day with old friends. Not happy if casual friends use me as a hotel.</p>

<p>Just try to be considerate and ask your host what they want.</p>

12

<p>I think rather that offering to help, it’s better to just get up and start helping, as if it’s the natural thing to do. This is especially important, I think, with respect to clearing the table and washing the dishes.</p>

13

<p>I just had my nephew here for two days. (He’s actually my age.) My family is far flung, so we’re all experienced house guests; we even discussed proper house guest behavior. </p>

<p>The most important attribute in a house guest is flexibility and a willingness to do things the host’s way. The evening before you leave, ask “what would you like me to do with the sheets and towels in the morning?” (My personal preference is to strip the beds and bring it all down to the laundry room–and then leave it there; the perfect guests leave the bed looking vaguely respectable after they do that–pull up the bedspread.)</p>

<p>Offer to help with the dishes and accept no as an answer. Go cheerfully to the grocery store with the host and ask if you can buy the wine to go with dinner (or even pick up the whole tab for the groceries). Go along with whatever activities are planned and if choices are offered–MAKE A CHOICE instead of saying “whatever you like”. </p>

<p>When you arrive, make it clear when you are leaving. If you are dependent on the host for transportation and have deadlines, make those clear. As we picked him up on Friday night, my nephew said “I have to be back here Sunday at 2.” It helps a lot with planning.</p>

14

<p>Lots of great suggestions as to what makes a great house guest. </p>

<p>For fun, here is a lousy one:</p>

<p>At a beach house, track the sand into the home, and don’t vacuum.
Do not pick up after yourself.
Leave dirty dishes laying around.
Borrow a million towels that you never use more than once, and then drop them on the floor!
Blast music or the TV so nobody can sleep all night.
Never clean in any way.
Leave your hair and used toothpaste in the sink.
Block the driveway with your car so nobody can get in or out.
Expect to be served.
Do not offer to pay for anything, don’t bring a house gift, don’t offer to cook, and don’t buy any groceries/food from a restaurant.
Change your oil in their driveway and leave oil stains there.
Don’t come with your own shampoo and soap, so you can use theirs.
Start jumping rope in the house at 5 AM so you wake everyone in the house.
Make long distance calls from their land line phone without asking.
Take snacks and drinks out of their fridge for the ride back. Be sure to use all of their ice to keep it cool.
If you or your kids break something, don’t fess up and fix it.
Let your toddler write on the wall with crayons.
Leave your wet bathing suits on the carpet in one of the rooms.
Use their sunblock.
Smoke in their home and leave the ashes and the butts laying on the floor of their patio.</p>

<p>Okay, I am going to stop here, because I have better things to now. I am sure others can add onto the list. This was a cathartic moment for me!</p>

15

<p>Examples of a bad house guest - my sister:
Left a full glass of iced tea on the night stand over night, resulting in huge ring and warped wood.
Took nail polish off on antique table, letting nail polish remover get all over the top, ruining the finish.
I could go on.</p>

<p>The thing about this is that my mother has kept her furniture PRISTINE…she has wooden furniture that she bought new in 1963 that is still in perfect condition…as kids we were NEVER allowed to have drinks on the furniture in the living room, never allowed to take drinks to our bedrooms. I guess maybe my sister is rebelling against my mom’s furniture rules, but why does she have to ruin MY furniture?</p>

16

<p>missypie, were you raised in my household? We had the same rules, and we had to have a coaster under all drinks unless they were at the kitchen table. We were not allowed to have food or drinks in our bedrooms. The coasters were for the family room where we could have a drink, but only in the presence of adult company. My parent had an immaculate home. Unfortunately, my DH did not have any rules.</p>

17

<p>Is there a separate thread for lousy hosts?</p>

<p>On the rare occasions we visit my husband’s brother (who has a LOT of money), after dinner he tells hy husband how much our share of the meal was. (This is for a meal in their home to which we were invited.)</p>

<p>On the rare occasions we visit my inlaws at their lake house, my MIL locks the kids out of the house from daylight to dusk…kids should play outside, you see.</p>

18

<p>When we stayed with my sister once, we were expected to keep the house immaculate. I mean, nothing on the bathroom counter, bedroom had to look like when we first got there. We had to unpack the suitcases and put all clothes in the drawers and put the suitcases in the garage (we were only there two days). Ate out the entire time we were there which we paid for. We’ve never stayed there again.</p>

<p>They once stayed with us. Slept at our house for five days and we fed them each day, three meals a day. I asked BIL to go out and get a bottle of soda water when company was coming and he asked me for the money for the water.</p>

19

<p>I have a friend who told me about staying at her MIL’s house for the first time. After she finished her bath, the MIL came and got her with the cleaning supplies and told her that they wash out the bath tub after every bath (not just rinse - major wash with brush and chemicals), then MIL watched as new DIL cleaned the bathtub. I don’t think there have been many subsequent visits!</p>

20

<p>I have one rule about being or having houseguests. If there are hotels use them. That’s why we have them nearly everywhere. Generally I have no desire to be part of the inner workings of somebody else’s home. And vice-versa. That’s why I’m not big on B&B’s either. 20 rooms minimum and prefer places with room service.</p>